Me and this guy dated 3 yrs ago,and weve been friends ever since.We stopped dating for whatever reason(unknown).And weve always had a attraction towards one another.and he tells me all the time how close he feels to me.How beautiful I am.What a great girl I am. But we never spend time together,b/c he said hes afraid that hell kiss me,and emotions will get in the way(we see each other with a group around us usually).I know he cares for me,but he pulls away all the time.And recently Ive found myself to never be able to get over him.I remember he was the ONLY guy who has made me smile after a date.and when i DO see him I get nervous and shakey.And he gets nervous too.He said that he couldnt see us long term together otherwise we'd go for it.But i want to tell him how I feel.Cause he doesn't know.Do you think the outcome would be good ?I don't want to put my heart out there and get stompted on.
2007-01-08 13:18:13 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm not in highschool, I'm 22 yrs old he's 25. I've somewhat told him before. As he's told me, but not at the same time.
2007-01-08 13:25:46 · update #1
There is no problem in the attraction area... believe me. For either one of us.And we both tell one another.
2007-01-08 14:08:51 · update #2
Unfortunately, there's no way to really tell how it will turn out, until you build up that composure and put your feelings out in the open.
But lemme ask you this: Can a football team win a game without a touchdown? And can a team score a touchdown without passing the line of scrimmage? This is all a metaphor for the idea that you have to take initiative if you want results. You won't ALWAYS win the game, but at least you have a better chance than if you let the timer run down to zero.
Generally speaking, it IS true that guys fear commitment and long-lasting relationships more than girls do. The feminine side of things has ALWAYS been the more sensitive side, something that more and more guys (but not all) are slowly grasping. The truth of it, though, is that we are just as scared of rejection as girls are. The main reason we avoid commitment is driven by the very idea of not being emotionally accepted. It takes trust in a girl to finally let ourselves embrace that thought of intimate attachment, and trust is something that guys can't build very easily. "Pulling away" from emotions and feelings is our way of saying, "I don't want to ruin things for you OR for me." Both men and women deserve to spend their lives next to someone who would give anything just to see them happy. The guys that pull away are the ones that have the better grasp of that concept. They're always convinced that there is something better, more efficient than themselves. They're constantly thinking outwards, only about others, and how even their slightest actions could be the uprising or total downfall of your entire emotional state.
More easily put...guys who pull away are the ones you need to keep chasing after and making them feel welcome, no matter how long it takes or how much work is required, because if you can win them over, you are GUARANTEED a healthy, committed relationship.
Wow, that was a heap of knowledge.
I hope that solves your problem.
2007-01-08 13:32:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kinda sounds like love to me. I think I understand why he pulls back, as he still has feelings about you, and he still remembers the pain he felt when you stopped being a couple. You know, you two are really lucky, as you have a good friendship, and you still have feelings of love for each other, as he obviously still cares deeply for you, as you do for him and you both fear rejection. Time to tell him, and take a chance....if he really is the one for you, he will, when he realizes that you two have a chance, be very happy that you told him. If he isn't the one for you, then you will know, and you can close the chapter on him. Here's the thing, you have to take chances some times, and this is one of those times. And if he does reject you, will you shatter like fine bone china? I think not, as a Human you are capable of recovering from things far worse than having your feelings stomped on, and that is a natural hazard of dating, but certainly not fatal. Go on and take a chance, it's worth it!!!!
2007-01-08 13:32:40 · answer #2 · answered by Crowfeather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems as if he might be afraid to put his heart out there, just as you are. I think that you should bring up that you feel that there is more than just a simple attraction. If he truly feels the same about you he will readily say so. I am a guy and i am not one to usually express my feelings very well, so it is more than probable that he feels the same way about you but just is afraid to show it because he doesn't want his heart to get stomped on either.
2007-01-08 13:28:11 · answer #3 · answered by Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
alright well if you are only in highschool or younger why do you even care... you have college where there are so many guys who are def willing to kiss you so why dont you just forget about this guy and find someone who wants to kiss you... it sounds like hes just not that into you... when im sure there are plenty of guys who are ... dont waste your time on some frog that doesnt want you there is not point well good luck and you know what the best thing to do is find someone else and he will come crawling back people always want what they cant have so dont make yourself available
2007-01-08 13:23:28 · answer #4 · answered by kmdevine33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's your friend and he thinks that's all he is and nothing more than that at this time You are both afraid of losing your close freindship--sounds like.
What's the hurry? Take your time and keep at it--don't force things along. Don't make ultimatums or be confrontational. He might not be attracted to you enough to take the plunge--so maybe you might improve your appearance or add something to your personality to hook him. Find out what he might like you to do to attract him--not too tough to do-just got to be sly about it.
2007-01-08 14:03:01 · answer #5 · answered by Mr_B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you should think of this guy as a brother and not a lover, he already said nothing long term, all you are doing is setting up yourself to get hurt, so either change the relationship to something less sexual or avoid him all together
i have female friends where all we can do is be friends or the friendship is over, i value the friendship more than a short term fling
2007-01-08 13:24:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah just pull him away from the crowd and say i dont mean any of this in a bad way and then tell him how you fell. Use a simple voice nothing comlicated
2007-01-08 13:23:52 · answer #7 · answered by juston 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well because I am 14 I don't know that much about this stuff but the one thing I can tell you is, it seems like you both are reacting out of lust. Love is not lusting over someone love is liking someone for who you are. He may just not be the one for you.
2007-01-08 13:25:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
would you rather go the rest of your life thinking what could have been? Or get rejected, get over it and find a resolution?
One of the worst feelings in the world is not knowing.
2007-01-08 13:22:53 · answer #9 · answered by D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont care one way or the other and you cant change whats natural for you... only know that if your guys turned off by anything about you get a new guy...
2016-05-22 21:30:47 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋