how much should a parent pay?

Question

my son is 18 still in school good student works part time. Do i still pay for his gas,movies,out to eat ,etc plus he will be attending college this fall and wants a new truck its not like im rich but i do want the best for him

Answer 1

No, you should not still be paying for him. If he's got a part time job, he should be paying for the extras that you named. If he's got a vehicle, he should be satisfied with it unless he's going to buy a new one himself. I'm not trying to sound like a hardass but you have got to draw the line somewhere.

Answer 2

He works part time - so why are YOU paying for everything?? Maybe if he wants a new truck he can save some money (since you seem to be paying for everything else). What exactly is he blowing his money on that he can't afford his own entertainment and vehicle?? How long will you let him leech off you??

Sorry if I sound harsh, but when I turned 18 and lived at home I had to pay bills right up till I graduated high school (and I worked too). Then I HAD to move out when school was finished - period. It didn't kill me and I figured it out. As for my younger brother, my mom carried him until he was 19 and he still can't get his act together. She still says she wishes she just treated him the same as me. Not to mention every vehicle (a total of four) she bought him he never took care of and trashed them. I had to pay for my own vehicles.

My advice is cut him off. I don't care how good he is in school or anything. He needs to learn that life isn't a free ride and sometimes you need to work hard and go without to get ahead. He will survive and you maybe the bad person for a while, but he will get over it and thank you later. Trust me, I hated my mom after she made me leave with no where to go. However I am a lot better off now, I own a house, drive a nice car, and learned how to save for things I want - with no help from my parents. I thanked my mom (years later) because she made me a stronger person making me do it on my own. Do the same for your son - please!

Answer 3

I think that all depends on how long you want him to be dependant on you!

As parents, it is our job to raise our children to be independant adults. If we spoon feed them everything, they will never learn how to be a grown-up.

The longer you pay his way, the longer he'll live at home!

His entertainment expenses should be his own if he's working. Some of that money he earns from work should be going into savings to help for college.

Why not help him learn money management skills? Instead of bribing him, or buying him a fancy new truck, tell him that if he puts a certain amount of money into savings, you'll match it, double it, whatever suits your budget.

If I were in your shoes, which I'm not!, here's what I would say:

I want to help you get yourself a new truck (That will get his attention!), however, I also want to help you attend college. Since you have a job now, let's make a deal.....

The deal could be anything you want, whatever works for you...

"For every dollar you put into your savings account, I'll put in ($1, $2, $0.50... whatever works for you)"

You could even have him set up two savings accounts, one for college and one for a new truck, and only help him grow his truck account if he pays for his own expenses and puts money in his college fund.

Unfortunately, the BEST time to teach your kids money management isn't when they're 18 and ready to leave for college. It's when they're still in elementary school :)

Answer 4

Being a parent of a p/t college student that works p/t also and a high schooler, let me break it down to you the way my parents did:

when you are in school, still live at home, and are working, you pay for your auto insurance, gas, entertainment, and one bill of the house that won't put you in the poor house or contribute a descent amount towards groceries or a bill of the house. However, if the auto insurance is fairly steep, no other house responsibilities are necessary to pay. As far as him wanting a new truck in the fall, he will have to save up for that himself. It wouldn't be wrong to offer a little help for being a good student. If the truck is $10,000 offer $1000. Definitely no more than 10%.

As a parent you as still providing shelter, food, utilities, and staples anything above that they should pay for when they start working. My siblings (4 of them) and myself all followed this with no problems with it at all. I am continuing the tradition with my two. Right now my daughter goes to college p/t and works p/t. She got a grant to cover her tuition and pays for her own books and supplies. She pays for the gas to get her back and forth to work/school, her own cell phone bill, and the cable for our home. She still has plenty of money to do the things she wants ie. shopping, movies, eating out, her own Christmas shopping, etc. I still include her in eating out with the family and sometimes she will volunteer to pick up the tab for the family. She also buys staples or groceries on the way home from work sometimes. I still pay the rent, utilities, groceries, and regular staple supplies (toilet paper, soap, hair products, etc.), auto insurance (she doesn't drive), etc. When she does start to drive, we have a deal that she will pay her insurance and drop the cable bill because the object is to teach responsibility, not put her in the poorhouse. It is also mandatory that she puts money into her savings every paycheck and does not touch it. My son is in high school and when he starts working in the next few months, he WILL contribute towards groceries. He eats like he has a bottomless pit for a stomach!

Hope this helps!

Answer 5

If your son is working, why not pay for the necessisties, i.e. clothes, school supplies, maybe car insurance..... but allow your child to pay for all the 'extras' movies, eating out etc.
if you are willing to pay for gas, i would limit it to a certain amount each week, anything over and above is up to the child to be responsible for.
This is teaching your child to budget, and save.

In terms of buying a new truck, if you are paying for school, I say let your child buy their own vehicle. They will respect the vehicle more, and it is a good life lesson. You can offer to chip in a set amount if that is feasable for you.
I wonder if your son would still want a brand-new truck if he was paying for it himself.

Answer 6

Hi,

my mum never gave us pocket money and we paid our own way through uni. Sometimes a little tough but we learnt lessons along the way. Saying that they, if i were able i would not put my own children through it. I'd probably give them an allowance - something i could afford - but it would be worked out in relation to how much they are earning.

I'd probably help my child to work out a budget so that they could save the money they needed for a car/truck - along with a timeline - when does he need it by, maybe do it fancy with graphs so that they could see how much closer they are to getting what they want.

Leave some of his pay over for his spending money, they can budget with that to cover movies, gas and food. If this amount doesnt seem to be enough maybe then you top it up a little.

Make it fair though, on yourself - he also needs to learn to manage his money on his own - otherwise everytime he runs out of money he'll come running back to his mummy.

Answer 7

I admire your desire for him to have the "best." That makes you a loving parent. A word of caution regarding giving him money for entertainment expenses. If he is working part time, he should be able to afford those things on his own. By giving him money for these, you could be unwittingly training him to expect handouts or feel that he is entitled to money from other sources than his own hard work.

As far as buying him a new truck goes, remember that part of the growing up and maturing process is learning how to save, work for, and value what you own. It might be wise for you to help him work out a budget and saving plan where he will put aside some of his earnings toward a used car/truck, with perhaps a little help from you. I know one father who purchased a reliable, safe, used vehicle, then had his son make payments to him, interest free, as long as he paid on time each month. Part of a kid's self esteem and pride come from providing for him or herself. This is especially true for boys. By giving him this opportunity to learn in small ways how to provide for himself, you really will be giving him "the best." It will also help ease the transition from being dependant on you to being an independant man who may someday be providing for a family of his own.

Best of luck to you. He sounds like a great kid.

Answer 8

Highschool, no. College? I would say yes to all but the truck. The truck should be something he has to work for. IMO, If you provide everything for him he will never learn to pay for his own way and will be one of those spoiled kids who financially gets hurt in the end. If he is in school then help him out. It is nearly impossible these days to make good grades in college and work full time. It sounds to me like you have a good one, feel lucky.

Answer 9

Don't do it.

Frankly, my parents taught my the value of a dollar and it sounds like your son has no idea how far it goes. Tell him that if he can support himself for a year without going into debt, you will buy him the car: but won't give him gas money, insurence money, etc.

My parents pay for my education and rent and give me an allowance to cover my bills each month, but working part time I am still expected to pay for food, household items, clothes, dog food, vet bills, textbooks, paper, pens, etc. I have only gone into debt once and it was because my work cut my hours to 5/week rather than 20.

Teach him about money before you give him anything for free!

Answer 10

No. In fact, it would be perfectly within good parental behavior to start asking for rent once he graduates high school. Of course, if that jepardizes college, just make him maintain himself.

He pays for his own gas, movies, entertainment, etc. You pay for his 'room and board', health insurance, bare necessity clothes, and if you want to, tuition and books.

NEVER a car!

If you really want the best for him, let him work and EARN his 'things'. They will mean more to him, but more importantly, he will grow in himself a strong sense of self worth and accomplishment that will serve him for the rest of his life.

Answer 11

Kids need to learn responsibilty. This generation is all about "what else are you gonna give me" It's sad. I have a son in school. I think it would be wonderful if I could pay for his college education, but if he wants a car, gas, etc.... he's going to have to work for it!