Imagine this: a divorced mom of 3 decides to take a full time job as a prison guard,?

Question

leaving her 10 yr old, 6 yr old and 5 yr old in the care of one of their school teachers 5 days a week, mostly overnights. The father of the children is petitioning for the kids to come and live with him, since he is not oly financially able to afford it, but he is a stay at home dad, providing the kids with a familial relationship.

What would your ruling be if you were the judge? Send the kids to live with their Dad who is able to spend 24/7 with them, or keep them in the full time care of the babysitter with visitation with their prison guard mother?

Sorry.. things I forgot to mention:

*Dad is receiving permanent Navy pension / compensation and is current on court ordered child support. He gets every other weekend with the children plus school holidays (spring break, c'mas vacation, etc.)

*the father has been remarried for 2 years now and the step-mother has been in the kids lives since they were 4 yrs, 2 yrs &1 yr. they all have awesome relationhips.
the step-mother also has a steady income working outside the home from 10am- 3pm.

*mom works 3pm-12pm tues-sat. kids go to school & then go home w/ the youngest's 1st grade teacher unless with their dad on weekends.

*One of the problems here is that the mother has a restraining order against the father because she is afraid he's going to hurt her, despite him never doing so. Scared divorcee, I suppose.

*No history of child abuse, father has been constant figure in their lives since birth.

*Kids are the ones asking us to take them from their mom's home.

the days off that the mother gets are spent sleeping while the kids are with the sitter. basically the kids live with their babysitter 5 days a week.

* Mom chose to work nights, was not forced to. Quit her job working at the children's school to become a prison guard.

* the legal petition was for the father to get primary residence with shared parental responsibilty . in other words, the kids would be living with dad with reasonable visitation with mom on her days off. trying to do what's in their best interest, not take their mother from them.

* dad agreed at the divorce to allow the mother temporary primary physical residence due to the fact that she already had a home large enough for all of them and the father had not yet secured a home. now the father has a large home on 5 acres of land large enough for everyone ina good school district.

Answer 1

I don't think this would have to go before a judge if the mother really wants what is best for the children. If she knows that she doesn't get to see the children much why not let the dad have them? Then she can have them on her weekends and she will get to actually spend time with them. I think any mother who would keep the kids in this situation is NOT thinking of the children. She is only thinking of herself. Well that and what will people think if I don't have custody. Good luck

Answer 2

Hmmm, you're not by chance a little biased are you? Sounds like you have your mind made up already on what the judge should rule.
If I were the judge I'd look at the fact that the mother, even if it is at night as a prison guard, IS working to support her kids. She also has seen to it that they have a responsible babysitter. The mom still has time in her off hours to spend with the kids, and they are learning that grown-up have responsibilities, such as work, and that she has a highly responsible job.
The father, on the other hand, though financially independent, does not work and would not be setting much of an example. You didn't mention if or how much support he is paying, but if he has so much money then he should probably be paying more support so that the mother would not have to get a job where she has to work nights.......I doubt that she really wants to work nights, but sometimes parents make some hard sacrifices for their children's sake.

By the way, how would it be possible for the father to spend 24/7 with the kids, unless they are being home schooled (which the mother could also do)?

EDIT >>>>>>>>>
Now I see the reason behind the bias - After reading all your "additional details" it seems pretty evident that you are "Dad's" new wife (or mother-in-law). It also seems that you are practicing what you will tell the judge. I have heard your side of the story, and , sad to say, you give no credit to the mother at all. I'll make no other comment on this, since I have not heard the mothers side of the story - which the judge WILL have a chance to hear.

My only hope is that however it may work out, that the childrens health, well being and best interest is the main consideration.
Good luck to all concerned parties.
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Answer 3

There are just not enough facts presented here to know what a judge might do. He might just increase the amount of support dad pays so mom can stay home more. Don't be too suprised if that occurs. But still there are too many unknowns about the history etc to answer here.

Also, being a prison guard is a good job, with typically good benefits like insurance etc. I'ts not like being a prisoner, it is honorable, decent work where you can get promoted.

if the babtsitter is a school teacher, that's a pretty reliable choice, soo i doubt that is going to cause her a problem.

This actually shows that she is working hard to provide for her kids and make sure their needs are met.

No way to predict this one, but unless mom has other serious issiues, I would not be suprised if she soon is getting more support financially from dad.

You added more info so I'll update. doesn't sound like a bad fater, but doesn't sound like a bad mom either. If judges always put kids with those who have time for them over those who have less, a lot of parents would lose their kiddos. I still think unless mom can be proven neglectful and unfit, those kids will stay with her as primary parent. State laws vary, but I have rarely seen a person lose kids for taking a better paying job, even if the shift was lousy. It just does not happen that way. i have seen strippers keep their kids in a custody battle and dad end up paying more support. It could be a different outcome here, but I seriously doubt it. not taking sides, but talking experience in this area.

Answer 4

If I am understanding this correctly, you have a job as a prison guard, doesn't matter what the job is, but that you are working and the father is a stay at home dad. You don't say if he is a good or bad father, so I am going to assume a good father.

As a rule, most Judges like to keep a family unit together. If you look at the facts that you have given us, the father can keep the children in a family environment while you work, as opposed to staying with a non-family member 5 days a week, at night.

I think you will have a custody battle on your hands if you fight this one, and I don't think you will win. Keep in mind what will be best for the children. If staying with their father is the better situation, wouldn't you be wise to allow that. Remember they are his children too.

Most women have a misconception that fathers should only have weekend visitation, every other weekend, this is so wrong if the father is a responsible, capable, loving parent.

And, just for the record, I am a divorced woman, who allowed our children visit as often as they wanted with their father, on off weekends, during the week, etc... and my children are well balanced because of it.

Answer 5

wow. there's a lot to read here! I am in law school now, and from what i've learned you've got very valid points here. Sounds like the Mom is not only busy but making a point to stay that way. Living with the baby sitter is not cool. Living with the child's teacher is not cool either. That's actually considered inappropriate. so is the mom totally uncooperative or is she trying to make concessions for the father to spend as much time as possible with the kids. why with a sitter and not their dad?

Answer 6

If the kids like their dad, it is obviously far and away better for the children to be raised by a parent rather than spend their lives hanging out at babysitters.

Lots of single moms want to pretend there is nothing wrong with how their kids have to live. It's pretty sad.

Answer 7

I would stress joint custody providing that they live near each other. If not, I would send them to live with their father. Why? Because they love the kids equally--why should a mother have more rights over a father? I think the best fit for the kids would be the father.

Answer 8

Depends on the history really. Has the dad ever been involved? Does he have some kind of criminal history or drug history? Do they live close enough to share custody? Why doesn't the dad already have custody? Is he paying support?

The situation with mom sucks but if she is working at night so she can be with the kids afterschool it's not so bad.

Answer 9

Damned if you do and damned if you don't. The woman goes and gets a good paying job-- probably with good benefits b/c being a prison guard is a state job all so she can support her kids. Then she finds a TEACHER to care for them while she's working!!! And on top of it all she's working while they are sleeping so she can be around all day for them. Sounds to me like she's got a pretty good set-up.

Answer 10

being a prison guard is not like being a prisoner, get real.....if you want custody, you'll have to do better than that. ps. if you don't work, how will you support them? the judge will ask you this.......also, since she works nights. she can sleep while they are at school making her there for them as many hours as you.....pps.hate is not healthy for your kids, find a way to be cordial to your ex!