My sisters are jealous and hate my husband, what to do?

Question

My parents recently told me that my sisters and their husbands hate my husband and are jealous of him (his job, paycheck, education, and relationship w/ my parents) and talk about us both behind our backs. My husband has self-esteem problems and has tried very hard the past 4 yrs. to be friends (helping them both move, help around their houses..) I think he has tried too hard and has came off as annoying. We spend alot on gifts for them and their kids and we feel like we get short changed on our b-days and at Christmas. One said my husband was not even welcome in their home to my mother, but our presents are and he is welcome when doing something for them. I'm upset over the news and do not want to have anything to do with them anymore. We are about to have our first child and my mother is sorry for telling me in fear that we will not include my sister's in our kid's birth & life. What should I do? I feel betrayed and foolish for being a door mat to them.

Answer 1

This sounds very complicated and painful. I am wondering, though, why your parents would convey such hurtful information to you? Do they enjoy stirring up conflict in the family? I cannot imagine what they hoped to accomplish by telling you this. There are a few suggestions you might consider:

1. Tell your parents in no uncertain terms that you do not want to have any more of this kind of information, and that if your sisters tell them something they need let them know to speak to you directly.

2. Back off helping your siblings and their husbands -- they may not need or want the help, and perhaps they feel patronized.

3. Please do not measure the caliber of your relationship by how much you spend on them for gifts, and how much they spend on you. This only serves to make you look very petty and small.

4. Think very long and hard before you would take the rash step of cutting all ties with them. You never know when you might need them, and your unborn baby would like to have aunts, uncles, cousins -- remember that we should not make our kids suffer for any nuttiness the adults are involved in!

5. Try to be civil and polite to your sisters at all times, not judgmental or resentful, as hard as that is. You be the bigger person. You'll set a beautiful example for your child if you always behave in this way -- always be the classy one.

Good luck, and God bless! You might not think so now, but you're actually lucky to have sisters. My sister died at age 33, and I still miss her terribly and wish she were here.

Answer 2

I sure as hell would not pitch in and help them out anymore. It is THEIR LOSS NOT YOURS.