Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman for the last three weekends."
Father Donavon asks: "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, 'tis I."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say Father, please."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I will never tell."
"Was it Brydie Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I will not! name her."
"Was it Mary Catherine Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed, Father."
"Was it Fiona McDonald then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration.
"You're a steadfast lad Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that, but you've sinned and now you must atone. You cannot attend mass for the next three months. Now be off with you!"
Tommy walks back to his pew.
His friend Sean Hurley slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Three month's vacation and five good leads."
2007-01-08 11:44:13 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A young priest was taking confession in a convent school for the first time.
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," says the first schoolgirl. "I had impure thoughts about my teacher."
"Impure thoughts - that's four Hail Marys," says the priest.
"Bless me Father," says the second schoolgirl, "I stole a pencil from the stationery cupboard."
"Stealing - that's six Hail Marys," says the priest.
But the third schoolgirl says, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned... I gave my boyfriend a bl*w job behind the bike sheds."
The priest is flummoxed - he's never heard it before, and he doesn't know what penance to impose. Slipping out of the confessional, he meets one of the nuns in the chapel. "Quick, Sister Lillian," he whispers, "What does the Father Patrick usually give for a bl*w job?"
"20 quid," she replies.
2007-01-08 12:01:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try this.
Morris Greenberg goes in to the confessional in St. Patricks, Dublin.
The priest says..."How can I help you my son?"
Morris says..."Father, I made love to my wife eleven times last night!"
The priest replies..."My son, in the eyes of the church that is not a sin!"
Morris says..."I understand that Father. I'm not even Catholic...but I had to tell SOMEBODY!"
2007-01-08 12:20:40 · answer #2 · answered by levatorlux 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An Irish man and woman were deeply in love. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.
One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow
driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game.
For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing."
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60, off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties. Now, seeing her naked for the first time, and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car.
He veered off the road, over an embankment and wrapped the car around a tree. His girlfriend was thrown clear, but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas, he was stuck.
"Go up to the road and get help," he said.
"But I haven't anything to cover myself with!" she replied.
The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.
So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
"My boyfriend, my boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"
The truck driver, looking down at the shoe between her legs, replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid there's no hope for him."
2007-01-08 12:19:16 · answer #3 · answered by louisem28 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. It's funny. 9/10.
2007-01-08 13:07:10 · answer #4 · answered by cats 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry....
"fidgetyfingers" just pipped you at the post. Two excellent jokes though!
2007-01-08 12:08:42 · answer #5 · answered by GenetteS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll be telling that there joke in pub on morrow
2007-01-08 11:50:00 · answer #6 · answered by helloooo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a good one, but I've heard a few better.
"These two Irishmen walk out of a bar."
2007-01-08 11:48:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
now that is funny !!!! I'll give you an Irish one back in a min . but its not as good as that
2007-01-08 11:57:53 · answer #8 · answered by peter d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, it's ok.
Have a silver star
2007-01-08 19:01:03 · answer #9 · answered by markhatter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is a good one
2007-01-08 20:16:55 · answer #10 · answered by rappinsheep 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋