Is My Mind Going?I Never Felt This Way Nor Worried The Way I Do Now.?

Question

Im in my 50's ..My life up until a year ago was a happy one..confident and easy going..I never worried about anything.We went through a major historic event Katrina..much like many other people do.It happens..I was ok,the family ok.and things in better shape than most..We were the lucky ones.We moved to a place where we are over a mile and one half higher...and much like the Anartica..I loved it .I always wanted to experience a place much like this.We were here and busy for over six months,and even traveled many miles across the country to check on our children..We came back and settled in spending more time at home than I have ever ,and sleeping during the day and staying awake at night.I slipped into a depression about being so rural..and sleeping days was weird..As time progressed I lost weight when not trying.. and then the physical symptoms slipped in.I had very odd sensations and feelings..Not altitude sickness just bizarre things.I was checked by several doctors..continued down.

Doctors spent much time with me checking for blockages,and anything and everything and found nothing..They said that I was classic post traumatic stress..I didn''t even realise I was depressed but they had an expert with much experience tell me I was classic.. I was shocked..Since then I have been put on meds..and therapy and struggle everyday to be normal.I have the most bizarre symptoms which have been related to me..as everything anxiety .. depression caused..nothing abnormal physically.. just sensations.. I can't believe that a normal happy human can dip so low that they could just go from having thoughts about everything and anything to nothing..And feeling everyday is the same.When im busy I don't notice it so much but the weather wreaks havoc on my body and im not used to this..I keep busy then I feel bad and then it dominos to depression and wondering if Ill ever recover..I feel useless and embarrassed about being anxious.I feel insecure and unsure about the future..cont,down

There are times when I used to have a head filled with wonder and questions about anything ,now all i can think about is will i ever get better.. and what will tomorrow or tonight bring and a mind that used to have so many thoughts and plans that it was hard to put them together to make them work to a mind that is as blank and worry as anyone could feel..for some reason my mind out of nowhere becomes a void where depression rushes in and worries out of nowhere..Its sad to think that a once strong ,easy going confident man can become a neurotic person that people are afraid to listen to because he ask so much about medical issues.I don't want to be this way .I want it to end..I want to be normal or what I thought was normal ..How can i ensure this to happen..I have some days I almost feel normal and then it rushes in with depression and sensations from hell..What can I do to fight this..Im not a whiner and its not me to whine but im lost and don't know how to find myself.. What to do?

Please dont say move.We have put everything we have into this place.. Please dont say see a therapist i already am..Give me some reassurance that im not losing my mind and if I keep trying it will go away.. This is not a choice it happened.IM not a hypocondriac...im not a mental case..not yet and don't want to become one I just want my life back is that too much to ask..? Its just plain weird..and every little ache and pain send terror of heart attack and stroke into my thoughts .A once young man that carried 100 pound sacks on both shoulders at one time reduced to a frail human being normal perfect weight and great blood pressure and normal heart..and good arteries and no symptoms that relate to anything throughly checked ..It just doesn't make sense..Anyone else that had post traumatic stress that got over it can share their accomplishments or tips please..anything..and please whatever you do dont cut me down ,life is tuff already?

Answer 1

I'm really sorry to hear that. It's funny how the mind tell you one thing and your body reacts another...it's like you have no control anymore.

It's post traumatic stress all right. And it hits you when you least expect it and in ways that just baffle your mind.

Whether you realize it or not, your life changed drastically. Not just yours but that of all your neighbours and friends and how you perceived your world to be was just simply shattered.

I know you feel you coped and moved forward and dealt with it all, but it was a serious blow, a trauma. And sometimes there is just no getting over what happened. You have to face it every day of your life, so that you can deal with it and eventually start to put it behind you.

Our family suffered something similar this year with our young son (11) getting cancer. It was a shock to say the least. We immediately went into treatment and did what we had to do and remained strong for our son's sake and our other two children. We were fortunate the treatment was only 8 weeks and so far he's remained cancer free and hopefully always will be. But one mom from the hospital whose child wasn't so fortunate as ours said beware, the post traumatic shock will hit you down the road. Right now you have to deal with it...but later, when you least expect it POW....and she was right.

A thought, a memory, a song, a vision, so many things suddenly come out of nowhere and slam into you and for a moment you feel like someone is ripping your heart out of your chest. It's like a fear and panic and then you just catch yourself and stop because you can't live in that place...not even for a second...because if that day ever came, you would live in it for all eternity.

So count your blessings, you did lose a lot...your security, your faith, your blinders, and I think mostly, you faced mortality, which is the scariest feeling of all.

You can't go back now, but you can move forward and make every day count and live it to the fullest.

Don't let a tragedy destroy what good there is in the world. It could have been a lot worse.

Find something to do with yourself, and involve yourself with people and something that gives you a great sense of satisfaction. Join a seniors club....you're not that far off in age and they can be a lot of fun! :~)

I'm a night owl too....so are my kids...but do try to get out in the day or you miss a lot of living.

It's not unnatural to develop panic attacks or phobias...but they don't have to rule you. I get them too and really it's something you have to stay on top of and conquer. You can. Don't slip away to a point where you become afraid to go outside. You need some good people. Throw a bbq, a party, enjoy life. That should make things right again.

You know someone once said "Life if fair to everyone...it breaks all our hearts."

I consider myself lucky to have lived as many years as I have (I'm 47) and to have never really known any great tragedy. Many people we know have lost loved ones, children, spouses, etc. and I can't even imagine what they must go through, but they carry on. We must all carry on because we're only here for a short time. So now, you've become enlightened to that fact, it can be a blessing rather than a curse if you choose to look at it in that way, because your eyes are wide open now. It's scary, but everyone is scared. You're not alone.

Answer 2

Hang in there, my dear. By a strange coincidence I've just been reading some research which says that people who've had their homes destroyed by flooding tend to be more traumatised that those whose loss came through other means - and that's not meant to put down anyone whose home caught fire, it's to emphasise the depth of the trauma that you went through. I'm not surprised that you've been diagnosed with PTSD nor that it's taking the form that it is doing; it can take quite a long time for the symptoms to rise to the surface.

Please get some counselling (and maybe some therapy) as soon as possible. I don't mean drug therapy, although a mild antidepressant may help - but you need to talk through this with someone trained to help. Don't struggle so alone, and don't give yourself a hard time or think that you're lacking in courage or moral fibre; your reaction is perfectly normal.

I myself went through something similar. I can promise you that we do get better. So, find yourself some skilled help and in the meantime have a big hug and a promise that this will lift from you, because it will.

Answer 3

Hobbies or some kind of activity outside of the house/work may help you. You went through a very traumatic experience and then moved to a new place, you have the right to have some problems after all of that. You say that when you are busy,then traveled. What are you doing now? Stuck in a small town? I live in one and know that sometimes it seems like there is nothing to do. Get involved in some type of organization and keep your mind off of your problems. During your "bored/down times", get up off the couch and do something to take your mind off of all things but what you are working on. Hope this helps and that there is not anything serious developing from your symptoms.

Answer 4

sweetie you have gone through more than most ,and a lot has happened all at once take it easy on yourself ,when you are down you can only go up ,,relax more and keep doing things you like go a see the kids maybe get a new hobbie,,eat healthy and get exsersize as this is good for the soul,,,dont alow yourself to feel down get up and do something even if it means moving again if you are not happy ,,but try all you can you will find yourself again ,,you are still you ,,just you are feeling different ,,try and find the old you the one you liked and everyone else loved good luck

Answer 5

It sounds like you're suffering from depression. I went through something like this during my teen years, but it doesn't seem as severe as your case. Instead of taking medicine or seeing doctors, I used my creativity to combat depression. Art was fun, and poetry helped me explore my feelings. Music is a great stress reliever. Talk to people you know about it too. Sometimes even making small talk with strangers can make you feel a little better. Hope this helps and please feel better! God bless.