Why are some grandparents so cheap with all the money they have when they can be helping their families?

Question

For example, my neighbor's grandma refuses to help out her son who was recently laid off and no longer receives unemployment. He was forced to tap into his 401(k) plan to pay the bills. She is not too generous at all when it comes to helping her grandchildren pay their college tuitions. She is also very stingy when it comes to birthdays and holidays. When the topic of money is brought up, she gets very defensive and upset and refuses to speak about the topic because she feels everyone is after her money. What can be done and/or said?

Answer 1

You have to think about what was going on when these people were groing up. Many peoples' grandparents were kids during the depression. This had a tremendous effect on how they viewed money and what they did with it for the rest of their lives. Chances are this grandmother you are talking about still saves pieces of twine or what not. It is depression era thinking. They had to work hard for EVERYTHING they had.

Answer 2

WHY in the world do you ASSUME That the younger generation is "OWED" an existence by those who have worked very hard and saved and sacrificed over many years to gain what they have?

That is where I am coming from on this response ... I NEVER Expected my own parents (or grandparents for that matter) to EVER put me through College, to pay my bills or anything else for me when I became an Adult .. and given that most were ALREADY DECEASED by the time we (my siblings and I) were young adults anyway ... that is something that we lived with.

NO ONE "OWES" any other person a living. NO ONE needs to continue to allow ADULTS not to take responsibility for their lives, and they certainly do NOT need to keep working hard so that OTHERS can take it easy or find an 'easy-way-out' of the difficulties that they face.

That the son is tapping his 401(k) to pay the bills -- at LEAST he had foresight enough to sock money into the investment/retirement plan .. and is owning up to the responsibility for that situation.

I can UNDERSTAND WHY this Grandma is DEFENSIVE ... the UGLINESS of the GREED is pervasive in this posting ... and given that it was Grandma's (and Grandpa's) hard work during the tough times that PROVIDED Everything for the household, and that even as CHILDREN they KNEW That they MUST contribute to the welfare of the family as a whole (by working hard and SUPPORTING themselves) .. then yes, she IS entitled now to a LITTLE bit of enjoyment an peace in her life.

As someone who (when my own parents died .. and MY siblings and I experienced this) experienced distant "relatives" CRAWL out of the WOODWORK and DEMAND that they be housed, fed, money, etc upon the DEATHS of OUR Parents (and our father was a Paraplegic out of WWII -- and NOT one of these 'demanding relatives' EVER lifted a finger to help them) ... it just SICKENS me to hear ANOTHER version of this story.

LET Grandma alone .. she DESERVES to sit down, have some peace, and yes, a LITTLE enjoyment at this time. IF the younger generations do NOT feel like working HARD for everything they want, why should the HARDEST Worker of them all be the one that they USE/ABUSE as a piggy bank?

Answer 3

First of all -- it is HER money and no one is entitled to it.

Secondly -- A lot of older people lived thru the Great Depression ( Google it if you don't know what it was!) People who grew up at that time tend to hold onto their money because so many people at that time lost all their money.

Thirdly --- older people are living longer now than they used to and she may feel that she will need her money later. If she needs to go into a nursing home or something of the sort, she will need her money.

Fourth --- Of course she gets defensive and thinks everyone is after her money --it sounds that way to me too!

Why should she spend her "retirement" to help her son instead of him spending his own? And why can her grandchildren not get a loan from the government --or a scholarship? It seems to me that they all think they should be spending their inheritance before the poor lady dies.

the best thing to do is to realize that she can do what she wants with her money and leave her alone!

Answer 4

If the grandma jumps in and helps out everytime her son gets into trouble, then he will never get a job. She is making him stand on his own to feet and work for what he wants just like she did. I am glad that she is stingy at holidays, my mother is the total opposite with my son. She has him so spoiled rotten, he thinks everyday is a holiday. Christmas, she spents money that she don't have.

Maybe the grandma gets defensive about her money because that is all people see when they look at her. If she was left alone about her money she would hand it out more freely.

Answer 5

1st--- It sounds like everyone IS after her money.

2nd-- She undoubtedly worked and saved for years, doing without a lot of the stuff that younger people take for granted as their 'right'---like having someone pay for their education so they don't have to work,study hard for scholarships etc.

3rd--Probably no one came and bailed her out of every difficulty, and she was forced to learn to stand on her own two feet and make things work

4th--As a retired person, she has no idea how long she will live and NEED that money, perhaps for very expensive long-term care, as her selfish kids and grand kids will probably never try to take care of her

5th--- Why should she deplete her retirement fund just so her son does not have to deplete his? Its not like he has no money, no food to eat, and is on the streets.

I suggest when she gives a gift--- no matter how "stingy" --she should be sincerely thanked. She owes them nothing.... and it sounds like if they are complaining, they deserve even less than nothing.

PS the depression ended around 1930. For someone to remember it with much clarity, they'd have to have been about 10 years old in 1930--- or 87 now. The depression era people are mostly gone these days.

Answer 6

Are her feelings justified, is everyone after her money? Old people live on a fixed income that is often finite, in the case of savings and such. They often have a fear that they will "outlive" their finances! Other times they feel that the people who they might give money shoud do something to deserve the money, other than just being related.
Sometimes grandparents have long histories of providing money and they come to a point where they feel they must conserve what they have. Of course she could be "cheap" as you say but there may be other factors.....

Answer 7

I am verry glad you ask this question! and the princepal word you
use in the statement is HELP. Grandparents are here to HELP not to do it all for you or any one. they do not have help maintain
any grandchild or children! sinc the parents or parent are a live!
grandparent had worked so hard to accremate there little money
to last them for the rest of there life so they should keep there money. they may live for a verry long tome like even 100 plus yrs. you
dont know they do not know and if they lived for a long long time
who is going to help them I meen grandma or pa? If the parent
cannot maintain the children now then they wont be able to help
the grands &. there children so the grandparents should be left
alone with there money. When those big children finished there parent"s money do you know what they will do with there parent?
they put them stright in the nursing home &. never turn back to see them because they do not have any more money to give to them so grandparent should be left maloe to live in peace!. They have raised there children they chould not be looked on to raised there grandchildren ecpecialy when the perent are young, strong,
and alive. May be when the son was working he did not or never
give his parent nothing so now he is out of work he want his parent to mentain he & his children.( LEAVE GRANDPARENT ALONE) they do not HAVE to mentain any one @ all, the word is
HELT, so if Grandma or grandpa, dose not or cannot help leave
them alone to live there YOUNG life in peace please please please leave them alone!!!!

Answer 8

His grandma may have worked really hard for her money. She may not have had any help when she was young. Money does make people greedy. Usually unemployment is good for about 3 months. Maybe she thinks he is taking too long to get another job. So it may be his own fault that he is having to use his 401K. She is not his responsible for him. He is an adult, he needs to figure out his priorities and stop relying on grandma's pockets.

Answer 9

why is it up to grandma to pay for her grandchildren's tuition?
Let them get a job and apply for financial aid, just as everyone
else does....why must she speak about her money, that is her
private business, and she is probably right, everyone is after her
money.

does her son have a wife, I suspect that his wife can work and
should help her husband at this time of his need.

the money will be her children when she dies and not before.
she cannot depend on help from anyone, if everyone has this
attitude that your describing....so she must watch out for herself.

I think they should be helping her out no one really knows if
she has any money or just living off her pension.....and how come you know so much about y0ur neighbors?

Answer 10

Because they worked hard for their money and no one says they have to bail everyone out just because they have a little, they may not have as much money as you think, they are probably saving it for an emergency, if they should get ill or end up in a nursing home and they don't want their children to have to pay for it. Or they are probably tired of everyone looking for handouts and want their children to fend for themselves like they had to do. You really have to look at both sides of the situation.