Is it normal to love one child more than another?

Question

I am a 40 year old woman and I have an 11 year old boy and 13 year old girl. Is it normal to love my 11 year old boy more than my girl?

Answer 1

I hope not

Answer 2

No. I do not think it is normal at all. I have two children, both boys. My brother once asked me which one I had an easier time with. I couldn't answer that. He insisted that I must have one that is more difficult than the other. I explained to him that they are both difficult in their own ways. I have a tough time with each one for different reasons but at the same time I have an easy time with each one for different reasons. They are two very different people. I accept them as that and I love them each for who they are. I don't favor one over the other and I cannot see how any parent could feel that way toward their children.

However, I will say that I grew up in a household where my brother was worshipped. He was a natural athlete. That appealed to my parents. My dad has a thing against women anyway so I never stood much of a chance. My mom was just better bonded to my brother. She never got me. I grew up craving her attention. I'd see my friends going shopping and having lunch dates with their moms. I was always so jealous. I'm now in my 30s and just this last year started to have an actual relationship with my mom.

If you are seriously having those feelings then you can bet your daughter has picked up on them. I was 12 or 13 when I first realized my mom didn't like me. I think you need to find common ground and find a way to bond with her. Trust me. She will grow up feeling it and it hurts. So, make an effort.

Answer 3

Let me tell you my story. I got pregnant with my daughter and kept her even though her father did not want us. I married a man when my daughter was one and one-half yrs old. When she was six I had a son by my husband. My son was planned and wanted very much. The pregnancy was wanted, the birth was a happy event, bringing him home and having someone there to help me was great. As years went on and my daughter became a teenager and started giving us a little trouble, I felt myself not liking her very much and feeling more connected and loving toward my son. My daughter is now 33 and my son is 27. I realize now, that I didn't like the things my daughter was doing and didn't like her attitude, but I never stopped loving her. Her and I are now very close and although I love my son also very much, we've drifted apart a bit. I don't see him as much. I don't think it is wise to weigh the love we have for our children. And it could be disastrous to ever make one of them feel less loved. In other words, your heart may tug more for your son now, but that could change. And I'm sure if you were to examine your feelings more strongly, you would realize it isn't a matter of less or more, it's just that you love each of them differently.

Answer 4

i don't know if it's normal but imust confess i love my son more than my daughter i feel quilty as hell and of course my kids and my spouce have no idea i think its because i had post partum depression plus the fact shes a red headed 2 year old who is never tired and screams about everything when she was a new born she was colic for 4 months and it was the most tring time in my life not to mention that i have no family in the area and never got a break from all the screaming my boy is almst 9 and was so different i treat them both with all the love i have and i hope one day i'll have the same bond with the both of them am glad i am not the only mother who is feeling like this hang in there....

Answer 5

I think thirteen is a very challenging age for both the mother and the daughter. Your son is probably more pleasant to be around right now. I'm sure in your heart it has nothing to do with love. Who doesn't want to be with a pleasant person over a person you may not get along well with. I think you need to work on your relationship with your daughter. Try to make the time you spend together more posotive and I think you'll see in fact you love your kids the same.

Answer 6

no that is NOT normal. i have a 5 year old boy and a 1 year old girl and i love them the same. you need to go to a dr and see whats wrong.

Answer 7

No, it's not normal at all. A parent, especially a mother, should love their children equally and demonstrate that love fairly. You might not be physically or sexually abusing your daughter but you are emotionally abusing her by favouring her brother (and she will be aware of it because kids aren't stupid). You risk storing up so many problems for her in the future with your behaviour. It's just selfish and cruel and I hope this child has a better, more supportive parent in her father.

If you can't bring yourself to love her equally, just paste a smile on your face and pretend to behave like a good, normal mother who does love her kids the same.

That said, I hope you are just confusing 'love' with 'like'. At the moment, you might like your younger, pre-adolescent child because he hasn't reached the stage of moods, tantrums and testing your patience (but he will) while your older child is in the midst of puberty and all the turmoils that come with it. Instead of making life hard on both of you, spend time with her. Go shopping or do something you both enjoy doing instead of worrying over which kid you love best.

Answer 8

Hopefully the problem is not you loving him more than the daughter..the problem may be the daughters age. 13 yr old girls are very unlikeable at times. But just be patient..your son is about to embark on the age when he also is very unlikeable. I really am not being smarty about this. I did not like my children at Middle School age. Girls are worse than boys..they seem to seek out the most hateful/hurtful thing they can to you. Boys will bemouthy..but the girls really cut to the quick. Good luck and try to be patient

Answer 9

When I was asked this question i would reply "I didn't have a favourite child but loved each according to their need."Each child is an individual and parenting is adapted to what works for each child. I think parents mistake the fact it is easier to parent a "good" child rather than a "difficult" child and forget that both types of children need your love. I remember telling my grandson that mothers are remarkable people,their hearts grow big enough to love all their children.

Answer 10

Well, not exactly, but I think you could love them in different ways. Every "love" in life is different. God didn't make them exactly the same. But yes, I think every parent has a favorite. I only have 1 child, so I'm at a loss as far as that is concerned. Pray about it! Don't worry too much, either. At least you admitted this. Most parents won't come out and say it, they deny, but you know it's the truth.

Answer 11

I don't think its normal to love another child more than another.
I think we can treat children differently because of the sex of the child and needs of the child. Mothers treat daughters and little differently but as the son gets older depends more on the son more than a daughter. I feel the daughter is closer and more intimate than a son but we never want our "little girls" to grow up