adults only advice needed?

Question

Hey guys the other day i met this girl on adultspace.com and was wondering if it's safe to actually go out and meet these people you see online in person. I'm kind of scared, have any of you guys met anyone from these online communities?

Answer 1

I've met 20 - 25 people in person that I first met online through different communities. Most are from my country, but about 1/3 are from different countries. It can be done, and the friendships can be real and lasting. (Which is what mine are.) There are some guidelines to follow to ensure your safety and the best possible outcome for friendships.

1) Spend time getting to know a person online for at least several months before you even consider meeting in person. You can't learn enough about someone from just a few short chats. Make sure that some of your online interactions are both public (like in a lobby) and private (just you and this person). You get to see how they interact with others. Pay close attention to how they "talk" to others; word choices, attitudes, etc. The more time you observe public discourse, the more objective you can be with regard to private interactions.

2) Be wary of the person that asks too many questions and/or pushes you for face-to-face meetings. Someone who does this is too eager and most likely is either a 5-alarm clinger/stalker, or is a con-artist looking to take advantage of trusting prey. If you EVER feel uneasy or uncomfortable with a person, politely remove yourself from contact with that person.

3) NEVER give out vital personal information online. Of course, if an online friendship is to eventually become IRL friendship, then you'll have to eventually bridge this gap. But go slowly...I mean like TURTLE slow! For any online interaction, your first name is all that is necessary. Don't give out your last name. Don't divulge other personal info such as (but not limited to): email address, phone number, city, schools you've attended, work name, or anything obvious like passwords and credit card numbers. (You'd be surprised at how many people actually do that!) As you get to know the person online and get comfortable with them, you can slowly start to give more info about you. But the minute someone asks you for too-personal info, like your address or hits you up for money, RUN. Don't walk...RUN! This person cannot be trusted and is looking for an easy target.

4) The progression of meeting should follow this pattern: lobby, private chat, email, public meeting. Notice I left out the phone number. NEVER give your phone number to anyone until you are 100% sure you can trust them. And even then, wait another month. If they want to give you theirs, that's fine. But don't be swayed by it. And stand your ground. Lay the groundrules upfront, that way you won't have to ever feel pressured.

5) Agree to meet in person in a public place that has lots of foot traffic. A mall, a coffee shop, a bookstore, a downtown cafe, etc. The idea is to have a place where lots of people are around constantly. It's also a good idea to bring along a couple friends, a) for safety-in-numbers, and b) they can be objective feedback for whether the person can be trusted or not.

6) ALWAYS.....I repeat......ALWAYS! tell someone where you're going, who you're meeting, what time you're meeting, and when they should expect you back. If you decide to stay longer, tell your friend(s) or family that you will call with any plan changes. And make sure you do call if there are any. This is probably the one mistake people make that gets them into more trouble than anything. Predators want isolation and anonymity. Don't give anyone that chance.

7) If you find your new online friend has potential as an IRL friend, then agree to meet again with the same guidelines. The more times you meet in person, the more you'll be able to tell if this is someone you can allow into your circle of trust. Eventually, you may become BFFs. But if something goes wrong and this person turns out to be a stalker or some other serious threat to you, you will be so glad you took all the precautions.

Some people may think this is all a bit of overkill, and it very well may be. But for the off-chance that it isn't and your new "friend" turns out to be your worst nightmare, you'll have protected yourself and those you love. Like I said, I've made some very good friends from my online interactions. I took all of the above precautions, and I can say that not one of the people has turned out to be anything but genuine and wonderful.

Good luck to you!

P.S. mandapanda states that you should be able to hold your own if you're a guy and the person you're meeting is a girl. This is not true. The person directly above me (advisepa..) referred to a news story about a man who was set to marry the woman of his dreams. He was from California; she is in Brazil. I read the story in People. He went to Brazil to get married and wound up dead. But only AFTER she had drained his bank accounts of all his money. Very sad, but serves as the ultimate cautionary tale that nobody is exempt from being conned and/or seriously hurt.. including guys.

Answer 2

Ive met people from online. Its a matter of being sensible. Meet somewhere public, or with a group. Make sure someone knows where you are going, and who with. Take your phone with you and get someone to call you 15 minutes or so after you meet so if u need a way out you can pretend something urgent has happened and take off. Some of the people I have met are great and I have remained good friends with them. Others have turned out to be creeps. Just remember it doesnt matter how you meet a person, there is still just as much chance that they will turn out to be a freak whether its online, at a club or the local library.

Answer 3

well, if you were a girl i'd say no, but since you are meeting a girl i,m assuming you're a guy(sorry if i'm wrong) and you can hold your own.
i work w/2 ladies that have dated people they met online one is married now and the other is still dating. my suggestion would be to make sure you talk to them a lot on the phone before you meet them so you can get a better sense of what type of person they are.
i've heard a lot of horror stories, people are weird, so just be careful.

Answer 4

I personally wouldn't go.
I have met people off of myspace, but with the website you are dealing with, I don't know.
I would hate to see on Dateline NBC (joke)
If you do go, meet in a public place such as the mall.
It gurantees your safety a little.

Best of luck to you. Be safe.

Answer 5

It's possible to meet nice people, but you've got to be smart. Meet with a group of people, or in a very public place. Make sure someone you trust is aware of where you're going etc. :)

Answer 6

you know you can meet great people on here but the thing is you never know who they really are they could be just trying to use just think of that story that was in the news last year this man found this great woman and loved her and he sent her lots of money for things that she lied about and when he went to live with her she killed him adn took the rest of his money i think shed been taking mens money before
anyways you just never know what you are going to find on here or in the real world
so id say meet somewhere public be careful and if you love her and evreything is alright then you got lucky
good luck and remember just be careful

Answer 7

i have met some people --- for both sakes meet somewhere public and get to know each other and see if you still want to know more about each other

Answer 8

assume the person is writing from prison.

Answer 9

I don't suggest it.