tell me the funniest long joke u have ever heard and i will pick the best one?

Answer 1

WARNING...THIS JOKE CONTAINS EXTREMELY COLOURFUL LANGUAGE. PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED. (Please don't report me.)
Okay, here we go:
After the last round-up, the cowboy was hungry, thirsty, scruffy, and tired. So he went into the saloon, which was very crowded. The only seat available was next to a prim and proper young lady. He sat down beside her.
The waiter approached them and asked, 'What can I get fer ya?'
The prissy woman ordered first.
'I will have a breast of virgin fowl. Make sure it's a virgin. Catch it yourself, and garnish it with onions. Young, spring onions. A cup of coffee; not too strong and not too sweet. And, oh yes, waiter; please open a window. I smell a horse. There must be a cowboy in the restaurant.'
Well, completely pissed off, and not to be out-done, the cowboy placed his order.
'I'll have a duck. A well-f*cked duck. F*ck it yourself and garnish it with horsesh*t. And bring me a cup of coffee - strong as mule p*ss, and fart the foam off. Oh yeah, waiter? Knock a wall down! I smell a c*nt. There must be a whore in the saloon!'

Answer 2

the police came over an accident. two man were on the road and their head were injured very badly. But the cars were having no scar. The police did look at the cars again and then to drivers lying on the road ,crying in blood. police did ask"god sake how did it happen?" the one said " there was fog. I couldnot see well.then ı took out my head from window while driving, and this stupid was doing the same "

p.s.: it is really so difficult to translate one cultures joke to others. ı hope ı did it good enough

Answer 3

here is a funny joke:
a blonde was getting suspicious of her boyfriend cheating on her. One day she felt he was acting very suspicious. She decided to spy on him and just in he really was cheating on her, she would buy a gun to shoot him.
She walked into his apartment and noticed he was making-out with a red-head chick. She hollared, "WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!"
"It isn't what you think it is," he replied. She then became over whelmed and pulled the gun out her bag and put against her head.
"Wait! Don't do it," announced her boyfriend.
"Oh, shut up! You will be next"

here is another one:
what does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling out your name.
you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners
so men can understand them.

why can't men get mad cow disease
coss they are all pigs.

what do you call a man with half a brain
gifted.

what do you give the man who has everything
a woman to show him how to work it.

why do men whistle when they are sitting on the loo
so they know which end to wipe.

last but not least, why do only ten percent of men make it to heaven
because if they all went it would be hell

Answer 4

A babysitter was at Little Johnny's house watching TV. He comes up and says,

"Usually at night mommy lets me snuggle with her on the couch."

So the babysitter thinks this over and says, "OK."

Johnny climbs onto the couch and snuggles up against her. Awhile later he says,

"Now mommy takes me up to the bathroom to have a bath."

The baby sitter thinks this over and says "OK"

They go upstairs and Johnny gets into the tub. Then he mentions,
"Mommy usually gets into the tub with me."

The babysitter says, "OK." and climbs in.

5 mintues go by and Johnny says, "Mommy usually lets me stick my finger in her belly button."

The babysitter reluctantly says,"OK." Then she shouts,"Hey! That wasn't my bellybutton!"

And Johnny says, "That wasn't my finger either."

Answer 5

there once was this parenoid guy. one day as he left his house for work, he became very parenoird that someone was robbing his apartment. so he went back and started climbing up the stairs to the top floor, feeling more parenoid than ever. He went into the apartment and started searching through the cupboards, pantry, under the bed but he couldn't find the anyone. then he heard movement over the balcony. so he went out and there, in front of his eyes was a man hanging from the balcony, just holding on to the edge of the balcony, struggling to keep balance. he was hanging from a ten storey building, right at the very top edge. then then the parenoid guy started banging at the guy's finger, trying to get him off his balcony. but this guy was strong so he still held on. then the parenoid guy stopped. he went back in. the other guy let out a sigh of relief but just at that moment the parenoid guy came back out with a BIG hammer. Then he started banging his fingers with the hammer. then the guy fell off. but he still wasn't dead. he fell onto a bush. so the parenoid guy was so frustrated that he went back in again and threw the fridge down. and that was the end of the other guy.

Answer 6

what is 12 inches and has a purple head? --- a crib death baby