My boyfriend is so possesive! Please help me!?

Question

We've been dating for a year and he certainly did not used to be this way...in the beginning it was wonderful and nobody cared who anybody talked to or anything...then he started asking me not to make new guy friends...and gradually that grew into asking me not to talk to any new guys...and then to ignore them if they try to talk to me...and now it's I have to yell at them when they talk to me. I told him I'm not a mean person! He is so jealous all the time and he even told me that he expects me to be obsessed with him, like he is with me, and that I should talk to him every second of every day that I get a chance to...He also yells at me and blames ME when a guy talks to me...he's asked me if he could cut MY wrists when he was feeling down...I can't handle it but I love him so much and I just want things to be the way they used to...there were no rules, and we trusted each other! I have not done ANYTHING to lose his trust! Never flirted, never cheated! Please help me, what do I do??

Answer 1

I'm sorry to say this but you have to leave him. He will never trust you and it will only get worse. Jealousy and lack of trust are like poisons that eat away at you. I don't know what he doesn't trust about himself but he is projecting his lack of self-esteem and trust onto you. You had better get out fast.

I guarantee you he won't change. Are you willing to give him an ultimatum? It should be "You'd better back off or I'm walking." Why would you give control of your life over to someone else?

FP

Answer 2

Are you crazy too? Seriously, you know the man's got serious issues and if you don't end this immediately it will become the the beginning of a nightmare that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Read over some of the things you said... only pretend it's not you writing them, but your mother or your best girlfriend..heck even a stranger. Now.. would you tell that person to stay in a relationship like that. NOT!

Surely you MUST know that what he's doing is abusive at best... and down right off the chain at it's worst and you say "you love him" so you're willing to be abused... ok that's just insane!. If you saw this on an old Jerry Springer show what would your reaction be then? C'mon now... You can't possiblily think this is healthy and can be fixed with your love.. PLEZE!!!!... so drop him and run... don't look back and you definitely tell the police that he's got "stalker potential" ... no joke!

A person like that never starts out showing that side of himself... for obvious reasons. Of couse if he showed that side of himself within the first few days or weeks, you would have jumped ship. So he pretened to be "normal" and allowed you to invest your heart and mind in him.. then he fliped to his normal way of being. He didn't change bit by bit... he hid his true nature and self for as long as he could. What you see is what you get, just know that "things" WILL NOT change back to how they were because this dude needs serious physological help and counseling. Hopefully he'll get it, but you SHOULD NOT put yourself at risk waiting for him to heal from his issues. Don't become a statistic... GET OUT NOW while it's not too late.

Be sure and file a restraining order because he will no doubt trip out when you dissapear on him. If you decide to tell him it's over have some of your male relatives with you and slap him with a restraining order. Don't EVER see him alone again.

Save yourself. TRUST!

Answer 3

sounds like he's really insecure - being so clingy is his way of showing that he cares and doesn't want to lose someone as great as you, he feels threatend by these other guys - this is how some people show love. it doesn't mean that he doesn't trust you, he just doesn't trust other guys. i would be worried about the cutting wrists thing though - tell him that that's ridiculous. let him know that you love him and that it's him that you want to be with, not the other guys. ask him why it bothers him so much but respect what he says 'cos it obviously really bothers him. talk about all your problems but don't expect him to change, he'll never learn to trust other guys around the girl he loves so much.

Answer 4

If you are still at home you should tell your Mom & Dad about him. It could get very dangerous if you try to break off w/ him. You can't controll his behaviour - and probably he can't either. It's not going to get better, chances are it will get worse. So you need to find a way to get out and protect yourself in the process. Not to scare you, but to inform you, breaking up can cause these possessive types to "lose it" and they can and will become physically dangerous. If you are not still w/ your parents and are on your own, check w/ the local courts, hospital or police station to direct you to a social service agency that can assist you in this matter. Here in MA we have a group called HAWK, (help for abused women and children), they have a hot line and plenty of references. When a man tries to control you by telling who you can see or talk to that is abuse.

Answer 5

Sit him down and tell him you need a break, and that you not going to do anything or talk to any other guys because if you don't say that he'll ask you about it, so tell him first before he tells you. The break should show if you really want to be with him or not still, I know it's hard but he sounds a little crazy, and a girl like you does not need that.

Answer 6

He's probably insecure about himself. He's afraid he is going to lose you. If he truly loved you, he should understand your situation and not force you to do what you dislike. From my point of view, he just needs some reassurance of how you'll only love him and not anyone else. If he doesn't respect you, you should just break it off even if you truly love him. It's not healthy for one person in the relationship to be posessive. Imagine in years how it would be like if you were in this type of a relationship. Better get out of it now than later! =) Good Luck in everything.

Answer 7

It is hard to leave security and start something new. Or really to go to having nothing for awhile and then begin to look for something new.

But it sounds like that is the path you need to choose. By a year into a relationship you should have trust.

Answer 8

well girl you diserve better then that you dont need someone like that if he is like that you dont need him even though you love him ask him wqhy is he acting like that there shouldnt be no reason why either you shouldnt have some one yell at you and tell you cut your rists that wrong and he shouldnt tell you not to talk to other people even guys he should even tell you you have too talk to him every second of every day noooooooooooooooo way girl you need some onje different i know itsa hard to love someone and you dont want ot let go there is other fish in the sea and the sea is VERY big you dont need someone who is treating you like that you need someone who will trust you 100% and not act like that to you you need someone who will be good to you not like that guy you need to find someone else someone who will love you for who you are not someone who might hurt you like that guy your with i hope this good advice fot your question and will be picked the best one too lol its fine if you dont well good luck on your relationship ok you can find someone better and you know that

Answer 9

i kno this is hard i had the same prob, but u need to ask yourself is he worth the pain??? if he is so important to u just talk to him, ask him if he'll calm down for u cause if he really does love you he would listen. don't yell, scream or curse, just talk calmly and try to see it from his point of view for once....he doesn't want to lose you , maybe he lost someone really important to him and your the next best thing, to him you matter so much that it hurts him to see you talking to another guy. i hope this helped you understand how he feels

Answer 10

He is possessive for two reasons. His insecurity, and because you've allowed him to be. He is manipulative and controlling and you need to get out of this relationship. He needs therapy to deal with his issues, without which he will not change. I am concerned he has asked about cutting your wrists, I don't think it's safe for you to be around him.