What do you think about having children later in life?

Question

To keep it short, My dad (55) and his partner (39) are considering having a baby. I am 21 and have a 2 yr old and a 4 month old. What would you do? Does anyone have experience of this? Do you think it's a good idea and what are the advantages/ disadvantages?

I have very mixed feelings about this personally, I want them to be happy and my dad is fantastic, I'm glad I never had to share him! How do I tell them not to bother without upsetting them?

Answer 1

One of my cousins had her children very young, aged 17, then 19 then 22. She was fortunate enough to have three healthy children and at the age of 39 feels she has 'her life back'!
My other cousin left it late and her her first at 38 and a second at 42. She had long and successful career first and was happy (and financially able) to give up her job and be a full time mum when she became a parent. She swears it's the best thing she's ever done.
Statistics show pro's and con's for every age group when having children.
There are never any guarentees - two of my best friends have children with quite severe special needs - one had her girl at 34 the other had her boy at 21
Again - you can argue that in 10 or 15 years time your father may not have the energy to deal with a teen - but maybe he will, and he'll have the experience too. My friend's parents died when she was eight (in a car crash), and they were only in their twenties at the time.
Age doesn't make a good parent or ensure they'll be there till the child is able to be independent.
I work with children, many are ignored, some are unwanted and a few are abused. As long as two caring people are willing and able to commit to raising a child there is no reason why the child won't be very happy.

I think the most important thing for a child is to be loved.
And surely that's all thet matters?

Answer 2

That is a personal decision. Statistically, the health risks are greater for mother and child. That has to be evaluated by the couple individually. Usually, older men or couples have more money available. They are usually more mature emotionally. There is a lot of stress associated with child rearing. Age helps. The bad thing is energy levels needed. Older people might not have as much energy as preferred. There is an increased chance of dieing before finishing the job of raising the child. There are several other things which might come up that are completely impossible to predict.
In short, it's a gamble the same as for young ones. The stakes are only a little different. It's not unheard-of. It's not wrong. Add another 5 or more years and I might change my mind. I don't believe that 65 year old men should have children. I don't believe that 55 year old women should have children. It's just too risky in my opinion. Again, it has to be the couple's decision, but my opinion is that there comes a time when it is too late to have children.

Answer 3

OK.

First, and I am not being nasty, but it is really your father and his parteners choice.

Secondly, I have had 10 children and the age span is 23 years between the first and last. My eldest is 29 and my baby is 6 years old. I was 43 when I had my youngest. I have a grandson of almost 8 and a grand daughter of 1 year old. I have been married 4 times and the children are not all from the same father. I have also had a child die at a month old.

Can you guess what I am going to say?

If you can accept your father and his partener are still human, even when they are older, then allow them to be happy. Be there for them. You could find some unexpected benefits, like recipricol babysitting can be good for both of you.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

my partner was 48 and i was 31 when we had our first child (hes got 2 from previous partner that he sees often but in their 20's) and we had our second child 4 years later making him a dad again at 52. he has so much patience for them and being second time round for him he has the experience to cope with them.

we do worry that the youngest will be 20 and he will be 72 but then again some kids don't have a father at all or sees.

the bottom line is as long as any parent isn't too old (60's) i think if the love is there then it shouldn't matter. my partner is healthy, we both work and have unconditional love for both our kids so why not.

Answer 5

First, to address your question about how to tell them not to bother, this is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!! Yes, it is a little weird for your father to be starting another family, but if his partner has never had a child, it's perfectly normal to want one. I'm sure your father and his partner are aware of the advantages and disadvantages to having a baby so late in life. You do not need to point them out. If you want to continue to have a close relationship with your dad, you need to keep your mouth shut about this.

Answer 6

The advantage of having kids when your older is that you have more time to spend with the children. Your settled and have money put away so you don't have to worry about where your gonna get money to pay for your rent. The disadvantage is that being an older parent takes it's toll. You're tired, not enough energy. Even if you have more time to spend at home with your child your gonna die in a couple of years an leave that child parent-less (not to be so frank). Having a child in your old age could lead to more stress. Older parents may face problem to discipline their children because they might become to sensitive.

Answer 7

It's perfectly fine if they are mature adults that can love and provide for a child. That's all that matters. Plus they have experienced life and many things that it offered when they were younger. I have more of a problem when young people settle down so early.

Relationships tend to last longer as we get older. The divorce rate is highest among 20-25 year olds is considerably lower as we get older. I bring this up because a child is always better off with 2 parents.

Answer 8

I can tell you that I had my first child when I was32. Parts of it have been hard, but I think my patience is better than it was when I was younger. It is probably very hard for you because you expected your children to have a grandpa... now he is going to be very busy if he has a new baby of his own. Kinda feel like your kids are getting short changed? It is a very difficult place to be. Your kid and his would be about the same age. If they do decide to have a child, try to be nice.... it is going to be around a long time and will be your sibling... chances are you are going to love him or her... regardless if you agree with the decision Good Luck..

Answer 9

if they love each other and can provide a home for a child, then they have that right. they need to consider who will take care of the kid if something happens to them though, as their is a higher risk of them dying before the child is an adult, but 55 and 39 are not really old...just older than you. there is a higher risk of problems with the pregnancy and things like downs syndrome, i think, but there is no guarantee with any baby. hope they do it right and get married.

Answer 10

I guess that he will have fun at school sports days, trying to run the races with his walk-frame!

People are Sooooo selfish, they only think about what THEY want and to hell with what is best for their children. Who would want a wrinkly couple of cripples for a mum and dad when you are at primary school, how weird will it be for your children to have Uncles or Aunts that are YOUNGER than them!

I can see no advantages, only disadvantages for ALL the Children concerned. Of course, if your dad is a very very young 55, the problems are less; but in all reality he could well be gone before your sibling is out of primary school!