I have been married for 10 years, so I am out of the loop, but a good friend of mine was seeing this guy for a few months and he was really into her, he was telling her he loved her and all that. They were together once, then, about 3 weeks ago, his grandfather died. He told her he needed time to work through things and hasn't contacted her since then. His last contact went something like,"no change in my feeling, but I need some time and space to get through this." I think it sounds like a line? Can a get a guys point of view? Thanks.
2007-01-08 08:24:58 · 18 answers · asked by maryc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If she knows that his grandfather did indeed die, give him the space he asked for. NO guy would ever say their feelings are real and still there if they didn't mean it, at least no real MAN. She should just offer a quick consolation message and let it go for a bit. Having lost all of my grandparents, I can assure you it can be tough, especially if they were close. The realization sets in that we're getting old when people we know start dying, you know?
2007-01-08 08:33:46 · answer #1 · answered by randyken 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have your friend approach him openly and honestly. Tell him things started off great and she wants them to continue. Acknowledge he's going through a rough time and offer to help him through it. If he declines, ask him to explain why he needs to be alone and not have the support of the woman he loves. If she accepts the answer, then give him the time and space he needs, but also let it be known he needs to contact her occasionally if only to say 'hi.' Have her send a sympathy card. If all is as he says, he'll work through it how he needs to and come back. If he does not contact her, then she has her answer. Continuing to 'hound' a guy when he says to leave him alone, for whatever reason, will only push him away, and if that's the situation he creates, she doesn't need that kind of guy in the first place.
2007-01-08 16:35:29 · answer #2 · answered by callmecam2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this a few months ago when my uncle died. I just needed some time to get myself back to normal. I was really close to him he was like my dad and I didn't have the emotional capability to handle all the day to day stuff a gf brings. I just needed my space to be with my family and get my mind right. But everyone is different and he could be giving her a line, but that was just me. Now we have been together for 10 months.
2007-01-08 16:32:09 · answer #3 · answered by pmk5252 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very possible that this guy is in mourning for his grandfather and he doesn't want her to see him like that. In that situation, she needs to try to continue to be in contact with him but give him a little space. If he is doing something that's not cool, things like that have a way of getting found out....and then she'll know what to do. My advice to her is to wait just a little while longer. Best of luck to you and her..........
2007-01-08 17:33:54 · answer #4 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she should surprise him with a gift or something like that, then leave just as suddenly as she appeared but not before asking in a subtle way: how much longer...in his grief it is possible that he is shutting down his feelings for other loved ones which explains his distancing himself from her even without him thinking about it. Sort of like putting on armor against being hurt like that (loss of a loved one) again. It kinda puts his view of life in a totally new perspective.If she surprises him, it would jolt him back into reality and remind him that she's still there. Leaving as suddenly as she arrived would let him know she respects his need to be alone but cares too much to not visit him at all...this short visit would trigger him to reveal his true feelings, whether good or bad.. good luck!
2007-01-08 16:53:56 · answer #5 · answered by Oscar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
three weeks sounds like a long time, unless he was that close to his grandfather. I would think a week or so would suffice for the funeral/etc., but when both of my grandfathers died, the first thing I did was want my gf by my side for support...maybe that is his way of dealing with it. I was the exact opposite of your friend's bf.
2007-01-08 16:28:43 · answer #6 · answered by t_roe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For him, it's a time of dealing w/ emotions that require closure. It does sound like a line, but I had just met a girl a month before my mom died. I transferred those feeling into her and it didn't turn out right.
2007-01-08 16:32:17 · answer #7 · answered by NIGHTSHADE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Three weeks isn't that long of a time. Usually for a mourning and to get everything straightened out is somewhere around 3 points.
2007-01-08 16:28:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were her, I would not take it personally, a tragedy like that can put people through changes. I would recommend she give him time, and try contacting him in a couple weeks or wait for him to contact her.
2007-01-08 16:28:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it sounds like he is grieving over his damn grandfathers death! Give him some space, the man meant a lot to him! I suggest giving him the space and when he is over it don't talk about it and if someone brings it up comfort him.
2007-01-08 16:27:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋