How do you talk to a four-year old about his father's alcoholism?

Answer 1

personally, i wouldn't talk about this with a child because it will most likely lead to confusion and stress, neither of which is particularly good for a young child.

if the child approaches you about what is going on, however, i would advise you to say that his father is sick (there's no need to go into the details), but that he is trying his best to get better (hopefully that's the case). i don't think that going into any more detail than that is either necessary or appropriate

Answer 2

I agree with all the others who've said that he's too young to have things explained to him in detail. But what's really important is for him to be reasurred as much as possible that he's loved and that none of this is his fault.

My dad was an alcoholic and I can well remember, even back to when I was your son's age, feeling that his behavior and the fights were somehow my fault. It's natural for kids to feel this way because they don't understand and they look to the parents for reassurance.

Explain in as few words as possible that his dad isn't well right now but that he's getting help (which I hope he is). Tell him that you and his dad love him very much and remind him of this whenever he seems upset about his dad.
If his dad acts out in any way during his drinking be sure to get away to a safe place, for your sake as well as your son's. I have no idea if this happens or not but just wanted to say this to you so that you'll be safe.

If you're not already doing so, go to Al-Anon meetings which are twelve step programs similar to AA but are geared toward helping the family members and loved ones of alcoholics. Their website can be reached at http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

There is also a book called "12 Stepping Stones" which helps children cope with an alcoholic in the home. It's geared toward children 5-14 so your son may still be a little too young for it but you may want to buy it anyway so that you can look through it and get some ideas. This is a link to the book http://www.marcoproducts.com/12stepston.html

Take care and I wish all the best for you and your family.

Answer 3

First, by remembering that alcoholism is an illness. Tell him that daddy's sick. That the crazy things he says and does (both drunk and sober) are symptoms of the disease. Tell him to not be angry with dad, but to be angry at the illness.

The promises he makes (especially when sober) are real and he makes them with all honesty, but until dad gets well (accepts his alcoholism on a gut-level) these promises will be broken.

I recommend Al-Alon without reservation for the mother. The family gets just as sick (and sometimes sicker) than the alcoholic.

Don't forget AA for the alcoholic. No matter if he's been there before without any success. All successful treatment programs send their "graduates" to AA after discharge for good reason. No other program has the success that AA does. But that's an issue for another question.

Good luck.

Answer 4

A 4 year old, most likely, lacks the capacity to understand alcoholism - the child just needs to understand that his father is ill and is, hopefully, trying to get better.

Answer 5

You don't. It's too young. A 4 year old cannot possibly understand alcoholism.

Answer 6

i disagree with those who say don't. you obviously have a reason to or you wouldn't be asking.

first, i would take care of yourself and seek a counselor, and the advice of a counselor. the two of you can make a decision far better than any advice you would receive.

however, if that won't happen, i say tell him why daddy changes when he drinks. if you cover it up now, chances are you always will and he will become as much of enabler as you are. you and his/her daddy are his/her life, if s/he thinks daddy doesn't love him/her it can be devastating, especially at this crucial developmental time. if your child understand that there is something that has to do with drinking that makes daddy different, the blame is more likely to go away from your child and to the booze.

good luck

Answer 7

You don't.

He's 4 and he's not going to understand it no matter how you try to "tell" him. If you MUST say something about it, you can say that daddy is sick for now and when he's older, you can explain to him what "sick" meant. Make sure that you don't equate his father's "sickness" as the same thing if he gets a cold or you get a cold. You don't want to scare him to death and make him think he is going to be sick like daddy.

Answer 8

All he can understand at this point is that Dad is ill. An understanding for certain behaviours is usually enogh to justify actions, when your young, but even at his age he may not grasp that.

Hope it goes well for you and dont forget to take care of you too.

Answer 9

Wait untill he is older. then he will understand. about age 12 will work, if it doesnt, and he still doesnt understand: explain it to him the best way you can. or just say forget it and let someone else do it.

Answer 10

if he isnt asking he may not be ready to know,if he is, just tell
him daddy is sick.when hes ready.and he asks more tell him more.but give simplest answer possible.