have i messed things up?

Question

I have just spent the weekend with my bf in berlin. it was a present from him for my birthday. we haven't been seeing each other for very long and i was a little bit overwhelmed with his generosity but i went. we were having such a good time for the first couple of days but then i got drunk and messed up. i am a self harmer and have a mental illness. i have been honest with him since the start about it and so far he has been a great support.

we went out and had a couple of drinks but i ended up having a black moment and lashed out at him. i ended up cutting myself in the hotel room. he was understandably upset and we had a row. he barely spoke to me all the way back, although did sit and hold my hand on the plane. i know i have really hurt him and think he may be about to finish things because i am too much to cope with. i know i am totally in the wrong but i am really starting to fall for him and will be devestated if he finishes this. have i messed this up? what do i do now?

Answer 1

You need to talk with him. Do you think you did this to drive him away? Perhaps deep down you don't feel 'worthy'. I presume you are having counselling from what you have said, perhaps this is something that needs to be thought about (nothing to be ashamed or scared of - it takes a brave person to ask for help). From what you have said , that he was holding your hand, he may have been reflecting about it, but reassuring you at the same time, he may need help from you to understand. Talk to him. But try and stay light - life can be fun you know! I hope that you can work through this and can be very happy together. Good luck

Answer 2

Can't be sure - but my guess is that you haven't messed things up. You've been up-front about your illness and he DID hold your hand on the way back. The only way you will know is by either waiting to see or by asking him.
Try phoning him up and asking him how he is, and say you are calling to thank him once again for the birthday present. Resist the temptation to tell him you will be devastated if you finish, cos that will only put him under pressure.
if he's of reasonable intelligence he will realise that anyone with a mental illness is likely to be a bit unpredictable, and he will try to understand you.
I hope you manage to make things OK with him. If he does finish with you, then good ridance to him, you are worth someone who is better than that - Good luck and God bless XX

Answer 3

He may have been a great support from the start, but eventually he will run from you, if not from this episode then from the next, or the one after that, and not necessarily because he doesn't love you but from self-preservation. You need to do whatever it takes to get yourself right and then find a way to maintain it. Medication, counseling, a year on the mountain seeking enlightenment, whatever it takes because you may be able to fake it for a while but life is hard and eventually it will catch up with you and whoever you are with if you don't take your mental health seriously. Tell him how you feel about what happened, but make sure that in your mind your focus is on a desire to do whatever it takes to get right and not whatever it takes to keep him until the next time.

Answer 4

hi, sorry to hear this, violence in a relationship is not a great thing. he will obviovsly was frightened by this maybe for now just have a few days apart and let things calm down, im sure he will probably understand things, maybe write him a letter and tell him why u do the things u do, if u know y.
talk with loved ones around u this can also help.
good luck and hope all goes right for u.

Answer 5

You can never undo a situation, you must learn from it. If he really love you forgiveness comes easy. He probably had never saw that side of you and it freaked him out. So give him a second to breath and things will work out for the better. Good Luck.. And never feel like you are too much to handle. Just know that it will take someone special to be on your side..

Last but certainly not least Please stop drinking because it is not good for you.

Answer 6

Have you seeked medical help for yourself? Are you on some type of medication? If not, why not? If you have and you are.....should you be drinking? It seems like you need to get control of your life. What you are going through is serious and you really need to have some serious medical help. Counseling, and continued care is a definite must. You should worry less about relationships right now, your focus needs to be you. Once you can learn to love yourself, then find someone to share that love with.

Answer 7

Hes probably just a little freaked out which is understandable yeah u have been honest about it but if its the first time hes witnessed it then it will have been a shock to him. Just give him a little time n then just be honest and ask him whats happening :)

Answer 8

The fact that he didn't leave you in Berlin is a start - at least he cares. Work on it, just make sure you don't drink around him (or ever again for that matter) if it's instrumental in you harming yourself.

Take care - I'm sure it'll all work out.

Answer 9

does it always happen when you get drunk? self harming? maybe u should slow down on the drink.. i'm sure he understands if u explain to him that you wont drink so much again. ad tell him how much u do actually like him .

if he nderstood from the begining he should undestand now

hope things work out

Answer 10

you probably scared the crap out of him. It's not the same to say you understand someone until you have actually experienced what the persons problem is. I guess you'll know for sure how much he cares for you from the outcome of this.