Who is supposed to pay for our wedding?

Question

I had heard that the ceremony and reception gets paid by the father of the bride, and the rehearsal dinner is the grooms family... I just got engaged and neither my parents or her parents have offered to pay for anything...

Is this something I should press or are we going to have to pay it all ourselves? I've never been married before, but my fiancee was married once before and she said her parents didn't pay anything then either.

If they all refuse to pay should we give them crappy seats or something?

I should add that neither of our parents are poor- they all are doing just fine for themselves, they have lots of nice expensive things but are always poor-mouthing as if they don't have any money. It sort of ticks me off.

Answer 1

The bride's parents paying for the wedding isn't that much of a tradition anymore. Nowadays the wedding is pretty much paid equally between both families. You should bring up the issue of paying for the wedding but don't force it on anyone. The best seats should go to the parents and the people who paid and helped out the most.

Answer 2

Traditionally, the brides parents pay for the wedding ceremony and reception and the grooms parents pay for the brides bouquet and the rehersal dinner...this is all only just traditional! These days the bride and groom may pay for everything or the parents may go 50/50. It just depends on what each side of your family can afford. You should just make a point to sit down with your parents and ask them to give you a budget amount and ask your fiance to do the same with his parents so that you can figure out where you and your fiance may need to fill in the gaps.

Answer 3

If you're man enough to get married, you're man enough to pay for it without help.

Despite many misconceptions to the contrary, the parents of the happy couple aren't obligated to fund anything. There is certainly a tradition, but it's not something you're entitled to.

You can also do the quiet Justice of the Peace type ceremony, go spend a couple of nights in a hotel and start living happily ever after.

If you do have a formal wedding, it's your party. Since it's your party, you're free to seat them wherever you wish. Keep in mind that you'll have to have a relationship with them long after the wedding day. Start off on the right foot.

----------
P.S. Other answerers are going to suggest stupid things like asking for "donations" from wedding guests. DO NOT DO THIS. It is incredibly tacky. Would you invite people to your house for a party and then have a cover charge? Couples are supposed to invite guests to share their special day; NOT to shake them down.

Answer 4

Traditionally......
The Grooms parents pays for the honeymoon and the rehearsal dinner.
The Brides parents pay for the wedding reception and ceremony.
Which does not include the bridal party's(brides maids and grooms men) gowns and tux rentals. But does include the gifts for the bridal party.
Oh...and the best friend(s) are supposed to pay for the bachelor/bachlerette party's
But these days anything goes!
It's really a personal thing....if they have money then they really should but other wise the average wedding these days are $10,000-$20,000 BIG ONES!!!!!!
You could have a nice quite wedding for $5,000. But it would take some sacrificing.

Good Luck! and remember you could always elope!

Answer 5

lol, funny. Well, I guess traditionally yes the brides parents are suppose to pay most of the expenses for a wedding. I don't see that necessarily true anymore, with the rate of divorce and un-seriousness of marriage. How can you push either parents to pay if they don't have the monetary income expected? The way I see it, plan something you can afford. I was married in Feb. 06 and would have preferred to have a tiny ceremony over a huge wedding for others to have fun at. Which my father took care off, but only because I am his only daughter and a huge honor for his daughter to get married in a white dress, blah blah. I saw it more as a pride thing for a Mexican dad.

Answer 6

Traditionally the brides family pays for the wedding and reception and the grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner. However, just because it is traditional does not mean that they are in any way obligated to offer to uphold that tradition.

You should be gracious even if they do not offer to contribute one red cent. After all, you are the one getting married, not them.

Answer 7

A parent paying for your wedding is like them buying you a car... it is really nice when they do it, but you should never expect it or demand it. If you don't have a large budget, plan on what you have and treat your parents with all of the respect that they deserve for sheltering you and your fiance for 18+ years. Believe it or not that is the best and worst thing you can do to them. It will make them see you don't need them (which it sounds like you need to show yourself that too), and don't complain to everyone about it - that is one step short of laying on the ground and throwing a tantrum. If you want a wedding bigger than your budget, postpone and save up.

Answer 8

That tradition dates back to when brides were property bought from a father tobe given to a husband. In todays culture, most couples are living independently before the marriage, and are no longer considered their parent's responsibilty - especially if they have been married before! So - in your case, they are not reguired or expected to do anything at all except attend and unless they offer to help financially, you are on your own.

As for the crappy seats comment - I just have to say I hope my kids have more respect for me then that when they are older. Why would you even consider doing that to your own parents? That's just childish!

Answer 9

Good luck, I had heard also that bride's family pays for ceremony and reception and groom's family pays for rehearsal. My parents paid for the reception and some small things here and there.

My inlaws didn't pay for anything. My step mother in law made all the bouquets and flower things and then charged me.

You better just count on paying for it all by yourself. Sorry!

Answer 10

Hunny, in this day and age parents don't pay for squat. Heck, we're lucky to even have our parents or know who they are in this day and age. I've had family members and friends pay for themselves time after time. If your fiance says her parents didn't pay for anything for her previous marriage then they sure as heck ain't gonna now, especially the second time around. Although, you did get the proper etiquette down. That's how its "suppose to" go down. The average cost of a wedding is now $20,000 - $40,00 (depending where you live). Get ready to pay for your own junk and maybe recieve a few monetary donations here and there. Also, don't hold it against your parents. YOU'RE the ones that decided to get engaged. You have to think of these things beforehand.