Should I kick him out?

Question

My 17 year old son is very rude and obnoxious on good days but lately he's taken to telling me to p*ss off, b*gger off, f*ck off and shut the f*ck up and also calls me nob end or bell end. He is jealous of his younger brother and calls him reet (short for retard) and is openly hostile and intimidating saying that he is a freak because he has red hair. He wont allow me and my son to smile or enjoy ourselves and always brings us down when we are out as a family. I am not allowed to take his picture on special occaisions, he just eats here, never helps out, lives like a pig. I am living in fear of my son now...I know he wont hurt me but I fear that every time I see him we will fight. He spends all his time in his room, has no job, dropped out of school, college and has only kept down 2 jobs for a total of 5 days. We have always stood up for him and defended his bad behaviour but it looks like they knew what we were blind to...he is horrible to live with and it is very depressing for us!!

Answer 1

even if it breaks your heart you have to teach him a lesson.. let him fly out on his own so he gets a taste of the real world.. once he sees that hes better off by your side until he is ready to move on chances are he will change his attitude againts you and your other son... good luck

Answer 2

Because he's only 17, you are still responsible for him so you really can't kick him out. The police will just bring him back.

You really need to stop helping him get out of trouble. My parents helped my brother constantly & now he's 53 years old, living with my mother, can't drive (DUI), won't get a job. He acts the same way your son is acting, including the profanity & he also has temper tantrums where he throws things. He's a real loser & your son is heading in the same direction.

If I were you, I would either have him removed by the police or social services (which would mean him staying in a detention home) or try counseling. Maybe the high school could recommend a counselor to help.

Good luck and stand your ground. The world does not need another someone just like my brother.

Answer 3

Call social services and see what support they can give you. They can make referrals for you and your son, help with finding him accommodation and provide you with a family support worker if this is suitable in your case. Once you have exhausted all your options then maybe you need to let him know why you do not wish to carry on living in this way. If he does not change and respect you and others as well as taking part in family life then he is better off finding his own place. After all you are not a hotel and if he despises you all so much he should really move on.

I am sorry - this must be really hard for all of you and I do hope you come to some resolution.

Answer 4

I do not think kicking him out would solve the problem since he is underage and still your responsibility. Also to be on his own at this age might deplete the respect he has for you as a parent as he will see himself as his own care giver. At this stage in life, children are at a difficult age and they think what they do is the best therefore meaningful. Also try seeing things from his opinion and try to figure out why he acts that way. I guess you were 17 and you know how it feels like when no one seems to understand you-anger. However if the situation is unearable take an action but be firm.

I therefore suggest that if possible try sitting him down to find out what his problem is and see what you can do about it. If it does not work, try cutting down his allowance and other privileges he enjoys from you to get him to talk to you with more respect for something he might need. Doing this you put in a corner that he will have no other option than to give you respect. But please do it in such a way that they will not be left with the options of stealing and begging- it is quite disgraceful.

Answer 5

You can suggest he leaves but would you feel any better if you couldn't see what he was up to all the time? At least while he's living at home you have some insight into where he's going, who he's with, even if it's just minimal details.
It sounds as if there might be something else going on his head that you can't deal with alone, however.
Is he a cannabis user, maybe other drugs?
Perhaps you could talk to a family mediator - maybe a drugs centre would help you find one (regardless of whether he's taking drugs or not, they should know where to find help).
Sorry to hear all of this. My teenaged son is unbearable at times but ultimately too timid to treat us so badly we'd want him to leave. Not yet, anyway!

Answer 6

Sometimes, realising that your own flesh and blood is a disrespectful little s**t can be the toughest and most painful thing to realise. If he treats you like this then he clearly doesnt respect you...he uses you for your food and shelter, yet gives nothing but anguish, abuse and heart-ache in return! That is NOT how to treat the people who loved you and cared for you unconditionally from the day you were born! It is easy to brush it off as being the actions of a confused teenager, coming to terms with their own identity. But if his actions are effecting you and your family's happiness, then it is fairer for all concerned if he moved out!!! At 17, if he is grown up enough to be this agressive to you and your family, ten he is big enough to take care of himself...let him realise just what he has lost....

That's just my 2 bob...as a girl who has a 'Prick' of a little brother...hope this can help you and good luck

Answer 7

He needs to know that his behaviour is going to have serious repurcussions. Tell him that you refuse to live in such a threatening atmosphere. He needs to sort himself out, lose the attitude. Either get a job and start contributing or get into college. Or pack his bags and get the hell out if thats how he wants to live. You could help him by getting jobs newspapers or college prospectuses or even Armed forces brochures (the Army will certainly sort his discipline problem out)
Give him a time frame to pick which path he will take and act upon it. I would say 4 weeks is ample time to get a job. They arent hard to find regardless of what some would tell you

Answer 8

Judging by your spelling, I am guessing you are either British or Austrailian. Before making your decision, I suggest you speak with the local police, and find out just what the laws are regarding juveniles in your region. For example, in Texas, parents cannot kick a child out of the house, until he is 18 years of age. Even then, they would need to evict him as they would a tenant, if he refuses to leave on his own.

Now, if it is legal, I would personally boot him. You have another child with whom to be concerned. Your older son has provided no assistance to the household and is an overwhelming distraction. I would sit down with your youngest to ensure he is not being physically abused by the older brother. If so, contact your local police. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

thats a pretty hard decision but if he is causing such a desturbance you proabaly should but try to keep tabs on him so you know hes safe if you don't do something soon this could go on for years and he might never learn how to take care of him self.by the way my daughter is a red head (firey firey bozo red )she is only 21/2 but she's tough to take sometimes i hope when shes older shell calm down some good luck do what you feel is best for all of you and dont look in the short time look and make your decision for what will be best in the long run...

Answer 10

hes probably depressed but hes making your family feel uncomferable and hes hositle. i think you should tell him to start respecting everyone in the house and start paying rent(with his own cash- get a dam job) or be gone in a month. and if at the end of the month he doesnt have a place to go or a job throw his things outside and change the locks and he will either straighten up or hate the world even more. the things hes saying are out right disrespectful and if i would have said those to anyone in my family i would have gotten punishened hard core. loves unconditional and hes using that to disrespect you. you can still love him but treat him like hes treating you. good luck

Answer 11

It could be time for tough love - ie kick him out!
Is his mum still with you? If so, what does she think?
You need to take a joint stance on this whatever you decide.
If he lets you, try to tell him how you feel and why you think it's time for him to go and offer to help him find accommodation. But i know that he will probably stomp off in a paddy. However, if you have tried reason and it doesn't work it may help you feel better about kicking him out than if you'd just kicked him out without tryiing to reason with him
He's going through a tough time,but that's no excuse for his behaviour.
just a thought - he isn't 18 yet. Have you access to youth counselling anywhere?