I know that if you have been married before, you must get it annuled before marrying in a catholic church. I'm wondering... how does the church know if you've been married before? The reason is... my husband-to-be was married before, when he was very young, to a foreign girl. It was basically so she could get citizenship. It was a good friend of his and I am okay with this. Please don't judge.
The problem is, my family doesn't know about this previous incident of his, and they would be VERY upset if they knew. I am Catholic and want to get married in my church. My fiance says we just don't have to tell them. He says they're not the government or the mafia so they'll only know what we tell them. I know lying about this is not the best thing to do, but I'm slightly desperate. Is there any way for the church to find out about this previous marriage?
Or... how quiet and private is the annulment? Would my family ever find out? Any help is appreciated.
2007-01-08 07:22:48 · 14 answers · asked by Natrasha77 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The Catholic sacrament of marriage will not exist in God's eyes if his 1st marriage was not annulled. What's the point then? You could accomplish the same thing by getting hitched at the court house & you wouldn't have to lie & you could keep your secret from everyone.
You need to decide which is more important; keping the truth from your family or having your marriage be recognized by the Church. If it's the latter, then you need to fess up. In my opinion, you'll be glad you did.
2007-01-08 08:17:27 · answer #1 · answered by J-Mo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you do not resolve your fiance's marriage issue, hide the facts from the Church, and go through the wedding then you may not be really married.
The Catholic Church believes that God does not recognize civil divorces.
Jesus said, "Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate." (Mark 10:9)
However there may be hope of a declaration of nullity.
The term "annulment" is a misnomer because the Church does not undo or erase a marriage bond.
Rather the Church issues a declaration of nullity when it discovers that the parties were not truly joined by God and hence a full spiritual sacramental marriage as understood by the Church was not present.
Then the parties are free to marry for the first time.
Approach the appropriate person your in your parish who has been trained in the process. If you encounter difficulties, you may go directly to the diocese.
The Church handles this process as privately and quietly as possible and I don't see why your family would need to know about it.
Be prayerful, honest and patient. It takes a while.
With love in Christ.
2007-01-09 16:23:18 · answer #2 · answered by imacatholic2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The church requests a baptism certificate from both parties that is dated within 6 months of the wedding.
If the last time he was married was in a church, it will be a problem because that priest would have sent his marriage certificate to his baptism church and this priest will get it.
If he wasn't married in the church the last time then it doesn't count in the eyes of the church and you'll still need to tell your priest but it could be quiet. I believe there is some paperwork but nothing crazy.
If it was in the church where he was last married, you have two options.
Option 1 is if your husband was baptised outside of the country, then the preist can accept as a substitution a letter from both parents stating that he has never been married. However, I believe lying to the priest will be tough and the wedding may not be legal if they find out.
Option 2 is to get it annulled. Here is a website that explains all about annullments. http://www.ultimatewedding.com/articles/get.php?action=getarticle&articleid=571
My aunt got an anullment and the priest requested letters from 3 people close to her to explain why an anullment should be granted. It was quiet from future husband's side so they don't really know about it.
2007-01-08 14:13:45 · answer #3 · answered by amor1954 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that it is rather odd that you are wanting to lie to the church (a sin) in order to get married there. There is no reason to hide anything. If your husband is getting an annulment, then the church won't recognize the first marriage anyway. Regardless, only ONE of you needs to be Catholic. You both have to take classes, but you don't both have to be Catholic. Just be honest, it will be better for you and your fiance in the long run.
They may not be the government or the mafia, but they are your family and it would be much much much worse if they found out at a later date that YOU intentionally lied to them and lied to the church. Talk to your parents like the responsible adults that you are. If you feel comfortable, talk to the church first and maybe have them counsel you on how to approach your parents on the subject.
2007-01-08 08:52:35 · answer #4 · answered by Jenny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweety, it's up to you. If you are serious about your religion then you should abide by their rules. And this is one of them. Are you willing to start your marriage off with a lie? I don't know how deep the church would delve into something like this.
There is A LOT of paperwork where you have to petition the Bishop. And an annullment isn't always granted. Sometimes it takes up to a year; and that is if the priest puts in a good word for you. And your husband has to promise to rear any children Catholic.
Your fiance is right tho'. They don't govern your life. But you choose a religion that you believe to be true. Do you? This is one of those deciding factors we all have to face from time to time.
You can always get another officiant & get married at another church or some other venue.
2007-01-08 08:45:39 · answer #5 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell and talk to your parents. You may get lucky and someone may look the other way but, here are a few stories that have happened to other people with the catholic church.
1. My cousin got pregnant before her wedding and had to hide it as the Church made it known they would annul the wedding if she was pregnant. (they also had to pay a lot of money due to the fact she was not Catholic)
2.In my town there was a girl who got informed by the Church that she would not be able to get married in the Church because she worked as a secretary for Planned Parenthood ( Catholic Church has a very public view on Birth Control).
3.When my friend got married in the Catholic Church she had to pay a lot as she was not a member of the Church. She also had to sign papers promising to raise the children in the Church (they already had one) before they could marry.
Yes they do their homework and If you have had a wedding annulled or divorced it shows up on the wedding license with the date it occurred.
2007-01-08 07:37:02 · answer #6 · answered by emmandal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here are the info (I am Catholic and married a non-Catholic) as did my daughter and son, so I recognize firsthand: YES, you'll get married and not using a Mass. As an issue of truth, it could now not be suitable to have a Mass on account that you're a non-Catholic. My marriage ceremony was once 20 mins. It was once like every other marriage ceremony: song (NOT hymns being sung) was once performed. You could have a soloist in the event you desire readings the priest offers a brief sermon alternate of vows alternate of earrings DONE! You could have a harmony candle in the event you desire. NO, there is not any communion. You do NOT must have 6 months of categories as any one else instructed you whilst you requested earlier than. My son effortlessly had a a million day "factor" with more than a few audio system (a monetary man or woman, a counselor, and so forth.) He and my daughter-in-legislation relatively favored it and it was once informative. NO, you don't must pay to make use of the church if he's a member of that church. You most effective pay the priest (approximately $one hundred-$two hundred) - they set their possess quantity. If you're utilising the church organist/musician, then, of path, you must additionally pay that man or woman additionally. There could also be different "bills" (janitor, and so forth.) Again, each and every church units their possess marriage ceremony insurance policies so that you could must assess with the church. Hope this is helping!
2016-09-03 18:21:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are right - unless the church you want to get married in knows the man you are marrying, they wouldn't know but legally, you are required to provide proof of divorce if you have been previously married when you purchase you marriage license. I don't know if that information is actually listed on the license that you give to the church, but it might be.
It would be much wiser to go the annulment route. The annulment is something that is between him the ex wife and the church and your family does not have to be involved in any way.
2007-01-08 14:49:49 · answer #8 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, this would be the total wrong way to start out your life together. Best thing to do is to be open and honest with your parents, and work together to resolve things. It would hurt them WAY more if they found out some time along in the future.
You must know deep in your heart that you have to honour your mother and father, and part of being respectful to them is being clear about your life, and the circumstances of the man you want to marry. You will feel better in the long run to have it out in the open, and resolved. Then, you and he will be ready to start a life together with a clean and honest start.
Go to a priest, and get the information on annulment, and how it is handled in your diocese.
2007-01-08 08:12:37 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't start your marriage off with a lie. If a Catholic wedding is important to you, follow the rules. If it isn't, get married elsewhere.
If you ask the priest about getting the first marriage annuled, I'm sure he will help you do it privately.
2007-01-08 07:28:50 · answer #10 · answered by Iris 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋