And how did you deal with it? I'm 27 and have found over the past few years that it's impossible to communicate and understand my parents, as hard as I try to be respectful and not take things too personal. I live 2000 miles away from home and my mom has said I'm the one that left and they haven't changed at all. I see her point, but that doesn't make it easier to share my feelngs. Thanks for your suggestions!
2007-01-08 07:17:50 · 12 answers · asked by Andrea K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think everyone runs into this at some point in their lives. When my parents started making my decisions into a personal attack against them it helped me a lot to start off each conversation with a question about their lives. For example, I'd call and say "Mom, when you were my age did you feel as though you were never going to get where you wanted to be?"
Rather than offering advice about my life she got to share her experience, making us equals. When her questions became too invasive or bordered on a topic that was volatile I'd say "I'm still working that out but I'm not ready to discuss it yet."
When they pushed too hard and I felt one of us was becoming upset I'd end the conversation saying "I know you care deeply about this but it's upsetting me. Can we talk about this after I've had some time to think on it?"
Just remember that even though they care very much and want the best for you you don't have to involve them in all aspects of your life. It's OK to keep some things private. Even from your parents.
2007-01-08 07:26:55 · answer #1 · answered by Gretchen C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes children don't see things in the same light,most parents are what kids call old school, they see things differently and deal with things differently, they have a hard time dealing with there emotions and find communicating with others hard to do.And parents also have a hard time letting go of there children,they still want to work out there problem, and tell them how to handle situations.
Being the adult child of these parents is hard also you are an adult, and want to make your own decisions, you want to be the one who controles there own destiny, but what you are needing to understand is your parents are getting older they may feel that they are no longer needed by you , and as a person gets on in later in life they start becomming like a child again, there body and mind is starting to slow down,
so I guess the only advice I can give to you is that as I got older and my parents would tell me what I should do I would say yes maam/ sir and go ahead and handle the situation as I felt that I should. And another thing I always tried to not ask for money from them ( because I felt they would feel that I couldn't make it on my own ) and if I did have to borrow money ( A few times I had to) then I made sure I paid them back on time and every cent that I borrowed, and this I feel made them respest me as an adult
2007-01-08 11:50:55 · answer #2 · answered by kathy h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I did was keep all conversations short. As soon as my mom started to put me down I would come back with a comment that would show I knew what she said and I don't agree with it. Then politely say I have to go. The best thing to do for yourself is to see yourself as an adult and you don't have to take the verbal slander. You are know longer under her roof so yes you can stand up for yourself.(Respectfully) Some parents will still treat you as a child no matter how old you are or how successful you become.Remember she is your mom, but you don't have to be yanked in to childhood every time you talk.That is her view of you not yours. So just try to blow it off, vent it to someone, but definitely don't hold it in because every time you see her or talk to her you will remember what happened the last time. She is your mom you do love her but you can't change them.Stay a way from any argumentative conversations it's just bait to prove you haven't grown up. Good luck.
2007-01-08 07:32:03 · answer #3 · answered by fabulosity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had communication probs with my parents since 19. We are now shring some common cnversation ground.
The fact is that a sparents, they have different ideas and ideals. The changing times causes friction in all relationships that are age based.
The fact is that you need to accept that these problems may never go away, you just ignore the frustrating parts. I do that with my mom. When she starts the 30 yrs ago my father..., I simply say I do not want to hear. She has a new respect for me now that I stand up for myself.
2007-01-08 07:25:40 · answer #4 · answered by stacy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is a tough one - sounds like you don't feel supported by your parents - they want you closer yet may have been partly what drove you away. I don't know how old your parents are - but at 27 you might have to be the one to start to bend more - forgive them, don't expect too much of them, let go of your ideals or what you "wish for" in parents - you won't get it. You can love and forgive your parents without subjecting yourself to abuse - you don't deserve it. However, the love and forgiveness thing is key. My mom and I had so many arguments, but eventually we we really bonded. I spent time with her and told her I loved her before I lost her. I'm glad I didn't wait. As hard as our relationship was I know she loved me more than anything - I've been 4 years without her.
2007-01-08 07:24:45 · answer #5 · answered by anita c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is extremely stressful speaking to my parents over the phone. I'm 21 by the way, and go to college in NY, with my parents in VA. I believe a lot of it stems from their general anxiety as you and I are coming of age, also I find that things are a lot more tame when I'm actually back home. It helps to reassure your parents and have a clear and determined plan that they can see.
2007-01-08 07:22:33 · answer #6 · answered by TippmannMan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-28 10:05:27 · answer #7 · answered by camden 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know the feeling..theres a serious lack of communication with my parents and i..and im 25...i think it just seems that we've all got our own lives...even though we live 45 mins away from eachother..we see eachother maybe once a month..call every other week or so for a few...im never usually mad at them...and i dont think they are with me..we..just dont really talk all that much. It seems everybodys always busy doing something.
2007-01-08 07:24:11 · answer #8 · answered by magickitty0621 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no actually i have better comunication now than ever before...i can hear the crisp silence...no but seriously..now that i am an adult..i see my mom's problems in a better light..and i am able to help her without all the psycological trauma i had before...i never had therapy..and i wasnt abused or nothing like that..just the simple things that happen growing up...and that at that points you dont know how to deal with...but now that i see everything from a wider view...i see my mom really pulled us thru and thats why i am more understanding now..than ever before...
2007-01-08 07:22:13 · answer #9 · answered by Morgy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude i have gone through the similar trouble..but as i changed my ways things got better and my parents made efforts too i love spending time with them..all you gotta do is do things what they like spend time with them make them understand the way you feel for them and things would get better soon and if still u can't take a way out im me dude i would help you out
take care
2007-01-08 07:23:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋