Am I unattractive or just doing something wrong?

Question

I have been single for over a year now (35, M) and am trying to meet new people, esp. women. I was never the really outgoing "ladies man" type of guy, in fact the few GFs I have had were the result of match.com or just starting off as friends. Well, I have struck out completely over 2 courses of match.com and am not meeting any women. While I may not be the best looking guy on earth, I am not fugly either (tall, great shape, decent looking etc). I keep hearing about how women hit on guys and ask them out, esp. nowadays, which got me thinking...women never approach me to flirt or ask me out when I'm out. Does that mean that I am just not attractive? This stinks, I try to go out, joined classes etc. and I still can't meet any women, and the few times I do, they aren't into me. Feel like giving up...but if I do that frankly I don't want to be around anymore.

Answer 1

I am in the same boat you are. I am 35/female/attorney and have been striking out in the love department my whole life.

You sound like the male version of myself.

I've made the decision to flat out quit intentionally looking and dating. I hid my match profile and just am going to chill out for now.

This is a headache.

This has nothing to do with being attractive. IF that was the case, even more people would be single. Haven't you ever gone to the store and seen a fugly dude with a hot girl and vice versa????? Ugly people have relationships all the time.

So the bottom line I think is that WE are sending out some signals that repel people or sending off some message. I have NO idea what the signal is. I think I often give off the uninterested, unavailable signal. I have great confidence and self-esteem with myself. However, I am very introverted and always thinking. What kind of signal do you suspect you give off? Do you seem too desperate or clingy? Do you try too hard?

I am reasonably attractive, work out a lot, educated, smart, and so on. I think I would be a great catch. I am not a pinup model but not chopped liver either. I cannot tell you the last time I was approached by anyone.

Conversely, I went out to a party new years eve and this really heavy ugly girl was getting hit on left and right.

Good luck.

Answer 2

This is a difficult one. A lot of people who aren't outgoing or "in your face" probably do take longer to find The One, in my opinion.Do you have a really good friend, maybe a girl, who you can ask whether you come across as too desparate or if anyrhing in the way you approach women could be taken the wrong way? If it is any consolation, I had to wait many,many years to find the right person. The old cliches probablyDO work eg join a club doing the thing you really love, whether it is walking, writing, theatres, that way you do meet like minded people and its a start. Dont give up, someone nice is waiting for YOU! :)

Answer 3

My best recommendation is a book that I've been reading. I don't really need the tips or advice... but I'm enjoying it. It's a good read.

Plus, if you listen, take in what's being described and live by it... you'll definitely see improvement in your dating life.

The name of the book is "The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists" by Neil Strauss

What do you have to lose?

One of the first things to consider is... the 3 second rule. You have 3 seconds after seeing a girl to walk over and talk to her. If you wait, you'll overanalyse the situation and chicken out... plus you'll look like you lack confidence and worse.

What do you really have to lose by strutting over and saying hello?

Answer 4

strangely enough, women somehow can sense confidence in a man and somehow can sense weakness as well.... you sound like a wonderful man and sincere. The right woman for you is out there... my suggestion to you would be to work on your self confidence, stand tall and know that any woman would be lucky to be with you (just don't let it go to your head, cause then your just getting cocky) Start there and women should start noticing you. Good Luck

Answer 5

It could be a number of things.

Many women shy away from men who seem desperate--you may be giving off "please love me!" vibes. That's too much pressure. The kind of women who like that type are usually shy themselves, so they would never approach you.


Don't give up. Love usually comes when you're not looking for it.

Answer 6

I would have to see a pic to tell you if your ugly or not, but even "ugly" people can find seomeone. Maybe it's your personality. Do you have confidence in your self? Do you have a sense of humor? Are you doing things in your life to better yourself? That's what is most important.