I have BP disorder, and I have extremely murderous angry thoughts (even towards myself).?

Question

They are scary as hell. i hate my boss, i hate my Dad (who is BP and beat up my Mom). Sometimes I fantasize about killing him or my boss. My thoughts go all the way into the planning phase. he deserves it. So does my racist boss. I want to key his car, or even think about hurling a molitov cocktail through his window. He forced me to resign and I want to make him pay.

I get a grip usually,but these things have exploded into real violence (fighting in bars, hockey, family, friends everywhere, years ago). I have a real mean streak and it comes out of nowhere.

They have come back because of some stressors that I feel, job search, family problems

Scary crap, Huh? Anyone else feel this?

Already being treated on a whole coktail for 15 years, nothing works. Serioulsy, tried everything. I know its worth it to do it. imagine thinking about something you dont want to do, know is wrong, and cant get it out of my head.

Music in my head wont go away either...

CORRECTION: NOT WORTH IT!!!

Answer 1

I'm outside keying your car. But don't go to the window to watch (if you know what I mean).

Answer 2

Yeah, scary crap. I lost a job once and I was having some scary thoughts too. I moved out of town and found a better job. With bipolar (I don't have bipolar, just depression) I'm sure it's even scarier and crappier.

It sounds like you do have your impulses under control to a certain extent. You probably don't want to get committed, but you may need to talk to your therapist or doctor about it if you feel like you're going to get past where you can control it. Please consider this.

I find Tae Kwon Do to be a good outlet myself. I participate in a style that's no-contact, so we don't hurt each other or get hurt, but just feeling the strength of my body feels good, and it can help vent frustrations. Running is also a way to "run away" from problems.

Please take care. Bipolar illness has a high mortality rate, and I hope you can do better by yourself than acting out these thoughts.

Answer 3

Having these thoughts can be very scary, but being conscious of the fact that they are scary is a good sign.

Are you currently on medication for your condition? If you are, then perhaps you need to see your doctor and explain that you are having homicidal thoughts so that both he and you can come up with a pharmaceutical solution. All it may be is that you need to have your medication adjusted.
if you are not on any medication, having these thoughts are a good enough reason to start. In this condition, you are a danger to yourself and others.
You are not alone, there are thousands of people in the same situation as you, and with the right help, you may start to feel better.
I do wish you all the best, and I hope you feel better soon.

Answer 4

I've had feelings like that .. but i never make it to the planning stage. That is a little scary...I think you should talk to a professional counselor about this. As someone else said it's not good to be so angry all the time. They might be able to help you deal with the aggression. Having said that, I agree with you that there are people in this world who deserve to die! BUT it's not up to any of us to decide who. You can only control your own actions. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

ican say i use to think those thoughts about my ex-husband.but i would be lying. there are still times that i plan his demise.the only
difference between now and then.i don't think about it all the time.
i don't know what meds you have taken so cant tell you if there is
a better one.and i don't seem to have a flight instinct i tell you this
because it seems to others to be mean,maybe it is.and i guess you could say I'm worse i don't get scared by the feelings.heres the hope they found the "cocktail" that works for me.so like i said i don't think about it all the time.all i can say is keep trying.probably
not what you want to hear.sorry.

Answer 6

You are entitled to feel angry and mad, but this in no way is going to help you get better, and i'm assuming that you do want to get better - if not why would you be writing your problems on the internet? We all have angry, distressing thoughts from time to time but because you want to do these thoughts you should probably seek out the help of a psychiatrist, I'm sure it would be beneficial to you. Goodluck.

Answer 7

We all feel like that sometimes,but we curtainly dont plan on killing someone :)
chill dont waste your life on someone that is just not worth it and remember you do the crime,you pay the time.
Now I'm sure that you are angry about something in your childhood or early years in life,think it through,when you love people you get so much more out of it.
Hatred is just a dead end.
Why dont you seek prof.help? just talk to someone about these feelings and hopefully,he/she will be able to help you.
Peace out and God bless you.
and I love you because I know there's good in us all :)

Answer 8

you need to seek professional help it cant be nice for you to feel like this ,and you cant want to feel like this or you wouldnt have told us about yourself ,try relaxing more as well ,try to learn to let things go ,,it will be the hardest thing you would ever had to do ,but you wil feel more in controll of your life ,do not allow this inner self to take over ,,there must be a kind ,careing ,loving person in there somewhere ,,,only you can find him ,good luck

Answer 9

hello, sounds like you should be on some meds. zyprexa would help you to rid of those aw full thoughts. also meds would help you sleep better. i wish you luck plez find a good doctor and help your self. you should not be feeling like this. if you were to act out in these ways you will end up in jail! not good especailly if you have a family. good luck..jewels

Answer 10

same my boss i s creepy