How to introduce son to his father???

Question

My son is 7 yrs old and has never met or spoken to his father.His father and i married when i was 21 and had just graduated from college.His father was 23 yr old Australian pro-surfer.I fell head over feet for but we seperated after a year of marriage.I shortly after found out i was pregnant with his son so i went and contacted him to inform him.He attended his sons birth and stuck around after for a little bit but we could not agree on anything so we split up.He moved back to Australia and i traveled to England for work and lived there for 6 months.I have traveled all over Europe for work with my son who is almost 7 now.His dad all of a sudden wrote to me stating that he wants visitation rights or co-custody?His dad did did call me everyonce in a while to check on my son but never spoke to him though.He sent gifts to my parents house that my son did recieve orth a total of 620 dollars but no child support.

I am an American citizen but am residing in Dublin Ierland and dont need the headache of lawyers since we are not divorced yet.

My son says he want to meet his dad

Answer 1

Well, it depends on how you feel about all of this. I would let him know if he wants co-custody or takes you to court you will be fighting for back child support which will be quiet a bit. A child deserves to be around and know both parents. It's best if you try to do this peacefully. If dad just wants to show up and make demands, you need to set ground rules before he meets your son. This is a difficult situation. Keep your son's best interest at heart like I'm sure you've done all his life. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 2

For starters, this year all the Australian custody laws changed so dads could have a fair deal when going up against Mum in the law courts- this was to counter all the Mums who took the kids and raised them and refused access to dads; men have a habit of avoiding the big scarey things like court and these laws were also introduced, to fair up the child support system. Also, you don't have to be formally divorced to have to sort out custody, just separated.
It's your sons choice; you've stated that his dad HAS kept in contact over the years to find out how his son is going; Child support is a non issue if you've never previously demanded it; DO NOT demand it now as you will only make things sour for you son; you don't need all those bad feelings going around right before he and his son are going to meet. Do NOT bad mouth him in any way- remember that there are two biological parents and both have as much right as the other to be a part of the boy's life. Chances are, as he gets to know his son, he will contribute- but it sounds like you've done fine on your own.
Let him have visitation, but he has to come to you; Keep the visit chaperoned and do not hurry either of them away. You don't want your son or your ex feeling resentment towards you as that will lead to nasty court action, and a sad angry little boy who will romanticise the notion of daddy (being back/moving to live with daddy).
Put yourself in Daddy's shoes too, how do you say" hi, I'm your father but you don't know me" over the phone to a 7 year old!! The gifts show that he HAS thought about that little boy thru the years, and the calls, however sporadic, also show that he knows he has a family and a responsibility...... Why has your son never received the gifts that were sent to him? That seems a little unfair. Take it slow and easy...I think this one will work out ok...you're still not divorced either, so you never know, reconciliation may even be in the air....?!.....By the way ,,WHY are you still married!

Answer 3

If it were my kid, I'd allow visitation but I would supervise. He would not be left alone with my son for the first few visits and once they developed a relationship I'd allow more contact.

Take is slow and don't expect too much. I would get the courts involved eventually. I would also make him come to you. You don't want to put your 7 year old on an airplane to Australia and hope that he comes home. If you make the dad come to you then it will show that he is serious. If he can't be bothered then you 2 will have to negotiate something. The father has a right to see his son unless he is a danger to you or your son.

Answer 4

Have you shown your son pictures of his father? Surely he has asked about him. Your best bet is to start the process with back child support. I don't see how all of a sudden he is asking for joint custody, do you live in the same country now? That sounds a little far fetch for me to grasp the idea he wants joint custody. That might be another thing to ask the court for visitation not joint. Are you comfortable with him taking your son even on a visitation? Have you thought maybe the first few meetings should be a supervised visitation this way your son is comfortable talking with him.


Wait edited... He is legally entitled to custody of his son if you are not yet divorced. How did you go all this time without getting a divorce. Wow good luck.

Answer 5

The only thing I can tell you is that you are that babies mom AND DAD...your the one that has been there for him all this time and honestly he hasnt helped out with anything yea a few phone calls and gifts here and there but thats about it he was never there for the baby when he was sick, when he cried, or even for a birthday...It wouldnt be right to keep him away from his dad even tho a dad is not someone who MAKES a baby its someone who is there throguh thick and thin....I think its too late for him to try to make things right...I know you want him to be involved in the babies life and he can do that but he does not deserve no custody what so ever. Good Luck and hopefully things will turn out ok...I wish you and your baby the best

Answer 6

First you need to talk to your son about him!! But never tell your child bad things about him that might make this transission harder for him.Only tell the good things for your son sake till he is old enough to understand what fully happened. Start by letting him have small conversations on the phone with the exchange of a few pictures. This will help make the meeting not so awkward for you son. Then set a date and keep reminding you son of that date so he don't forget. Good luck!!

Answer 7

You should have got child support whether you divorced or not. I'd tell your son that his father wants to see him and see if your son wants to meet him. I would not let them visit alone though. I'd start with letting them talk on the phone first. I certainly hope you have something that gives you legal right to your son because if you don't and I guess the law is like this everywhere he can take him away from you by just not bringing him back if you let him leave alone with your son. Good luck, but you might want to get a lawyer to protect you......hassle or no hassle.

Answer 8

He may be wrong for not sending Child Support. But don't let that be the reason the his son doesn't know him. Allow your son to make the decision. I'm sure if you have a positive attitude towards meeting him then your son will too. You really won't have to do any introducing. Just allow him to look his dad up on the Internet and get excited. Allow him to introduce himself.

Answer 9

My first thought was "Oh God, they are still married, nothing you can do!", then my second was "Is he going to visit next time when your son is 14yrs old?". Either way, protect your son - period! Follow your gut, only you know what is best for your son. Do you want to take a chance and let them get to know each other or is there a possibility of him leaving again. Unless you have done something to create a situation that "All of a sudden...." then I wouldn't worry. Either way, DON'T LET HIM TAKE HIM ANYWHERE WITHOUT YOU for now. If he gets him to Australia, you will have a hard time ever getting him back.

Answer 10

i'm undecided i purchase this, the two. Supervised visitation is taken very heavily with the aid of maximum courts and that i can not think of handing that type of criminal responsibilty over to a extra robust half. If the father is this manner of jerk (and that section I do have faith!) you, simply by fact the mummy of the boy, would desire to have been extra vigilant all alongside. It sounds like it had to be a important disaster formerly to procure the restraining order. I doubt your son is fantastic, so i wish you communicate stable therapy for him.