I'm here at work and almost out. I want to here some funny ones. Anything is game! Just not too nasty or gross...
Best one wins!!!
2007-01-08 06:21:21 · 7 answers · asked by trish 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
OK!
An American and an Indian are on a plane,
The American gets up and jumps out and yells " GERONIMO"
Then the Indian gets up and jumps out and yells " MEEEEEEEEE"
2007-01-08 06:44:53 · answer #1 · answered by Penny Mae 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!", "I'm
broke!" and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door
and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure on to her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a
damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this
morning."
What part of broke do you not understand?
80 yr old nun goes to see a ginacolgest. when the doctor is through checking her he says, everything looks alright except for one thing.
The Nun ask whats that? the dodcor said, Looks like you've got the crabs.
The Nun looks at him and says I can't have the crabs I'm a 80 yr old Nun. I've NEVER had sex. she is so upset she leaves his office and goes to another doctor. As he is checking her she tells him what the other doctor told her. He said Well the other doctor was wrong. You don't have the crabs. Your cherry is so old you have FRUIT FLIES
2007-01-08 14:33:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is about an italian man who visits Malta...
So one day he goes int o a big restaurant for breakfast... he askes the waitress for 2 pieces of toast like this
"I want 2 pees"
So she tells him "u bettter visit th toilet"
he goes "No u no understand i want 2 pees on the table"
She says "you better not piss on the table you son of a bi*h"
He leaves the restaurant...
At lunch he goes to another Big restaurant... On the table there is a spoon a knife but no fork... He calls the waiter and says
"Excuse me i want a fok"
The waiter goes "everybody wants to fu*k"
He replies "No u no understand i wanna fok on the table!"
"You better not Fu*k on the table u son of a Bit*h!!"
So the poor guy leaves the restaurant and goes to his hotel...
There is not sheets on the bed so he calls the manager and says...
"excuse me i want a sheet"
The manager says "then u better visit the toilet..."
He replies "No u no understand i want a sheet on the bed!!"
The manager replies angrily... " u better not Sh*t on the bed u on of a bit*h!!!"
By this time the italian man is sick and tired of malta and he wants to go home as he is leaving the hotel the door man says:
"peace on u"
He replies " Piss on u too u son of a Bit*h... ima gonna go back to italia!!!!"
Loool sorry its so long and kinnda dirty but i love this joke!!!!!
2007-01-08 14:56:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two atoms are walking down the road. One turns to the other and says, 'I think I've lost a neutron'.
The other one says, 'Are you sure?'
He feels himself up and down and says, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
2007-01-08 14:25:12 · answer #4 · answered by NeonLoveChicken 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Knock, Knock!
2007-01-08 14:55:03 · answer #5 · answered by prizefyter 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a good joke... sorry its so long...
There was once a flood warning in a town... so everyone was about to evacuate... except for one man named joe. So when it started raining... joes neighbor came over and said... "joe... come with us... were leaving now!" joe says... "no... im a good man... god will save me." So his neighbor leaves. after a while... the flood starts and forces joe to the second floor of his house. A fireman in a row boat came by and saw joe... he says... "sir! come with me now! its dangerous!" joe replies... "no... im a good man... god will save me." so then the flood rises and forces joe to the roof. just then... a police helicopter flew by and saw joe. A man yells to joe... "Come with use now or else you'll drown!" Joe yells back "no... im a good man... god will save me." so the helicopter leaves. Eventually... joe drowns. when joe go to heaven... he challenged god. "Why didnt you help me back there god!?" god replies... "What are you talking about??? i did help you. I sent you your neighbor, a fireman, and a helicopter."
2007-01-08 14:29:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"
Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so fat were in her right now
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise
Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...
Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world
Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!
Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!
Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!
Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!
Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!
Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.
Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!
Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!
Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!
Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too
Yo mama so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it!
Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Yo mama so fat when she back up she beep.
Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.
Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo mama so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Yo mama so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her
Yo mama so fat she stands in two time zones.
Yo mama so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo mama so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo mama so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
Yo mama so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
Yo mama so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.
Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....
Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.
Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
Yo mama so fat she was baptised in the ocean.
Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
Yo mama so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
Yo momma's so stupid at bottom of application where it says Sign Here, she put Sagittarius
Yo momma's so stupid that she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
Yo momma's so stupid, she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged.
Yo momma's so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo momma's so stupid, when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."
Yo momma’s so stupid, she makes blondes look smart.
Yo momma’s so stupid I told her I was going to get her Tommy HILL figure and she told me she already tried to lose weight.
Yo momma's so stupid, that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
Yo momma’s so stupid she called the cocaine hotline to order some.
Yo momma's so stupid, she asked you "What is the number for 911?"
Yo momma’s so fat that when she fell no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.
Yo momma’s so fat that when she stood up everyone yelled out "eclipse"!
Yo momma’s so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo momma so old she knew burger king when he was a prince
Yo momma so old she has an autographed bible
Yo momma old she knew the dead ocean when it was sick
2007-01-08 14:36:27 · answer #7 · answered by JEFF HARDY #1 FAN 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋