Support without involving court?

Question

Are there parents out there who are not living together but have an agreement of financial support without involving a court order?
If so how has it worked out for you? I'd appreciate details of your situation and any tips.
My daughter's father is good about paying his support in the amount we agreed upon. On occasion he drops little comments/kind of complains about it in his way (which I cannot STAND because I am her primary caregiver 99.9% of the time) but so far has held up his end of the deal.
On one hand I am afraid he's going to flake out or drop the ball at some point. On the other hand I reeaaallly don't want to go to court. We get along well and he loves his daughter very much and why rock the boat. Is this a mistake?
He just doesn't have the greatest history of responsibility and I worry.

Answer 1

That's a tough decision to make, but more important it sounds like you don't need to make it yet.

Speaking as a divorced father I can tell you that it is often hard on both sides. The real focus, therefore, MUST be the kids. I was late on a few but always came thru .. something I am rather proud of in retrospect (the kids are now adults).

Parenthood has a way of teaching responsibility very quickly, so my advice is this:

1) Cut him the slack for now. Its better for the kids to see mom and dad on the same page and not arguing.
2) Learn what your options are. There are court mandated amounts in California and there is prob. something similiar where you live.
3) After you learn about these, sit down with your ex and have a discussion. Tell him your concerns and ask him to be aware of them and to keep you informed if something happens. DO NOT hang your rights and options over his head like a sword of doom. Believe me, he prob. already knows and will appreciate it that you don't threaten.
4) BUT.. decide with him what his limit is (late once in 12 months, late twice..etc.. increases ..) and for him: visitation, his rights as a father, and your comittment to support him in that role no matter what happens between you.
5) Establish how you will both interact with each other on matters of her concern and acknowledge that, even though you are the custodial parent, raising a child is a 50/50 job and that you want both his help and his input.
6) Then have a glass of wine and talk about her. Share something she did and something she wants to do.

That should go a loooong way for both of you and, if not, then you can start the unpleasant part.

did that help???

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Answer 2

So far, he is doing his part, so why get the courts involved. And don't worry about those "little comments." Just let them go in one ear and out the other.

If you are really worried about this, contact a family law attorney. He might be able to advise you on a contract, or some such thing, that you might want to pursue with this guy. Legally, I think you are entitled to child support until the kid is 18. It might at least be worth a conversation with a lawyer.

Don't be threatened necessarily by the history of lack of responsibility. Fatherhood is good for a lot of guys. In some cases, it is the first time they really grow up.

Answer 3

I think you should have something worked out on paper(court), but that does not mean you have to fight. When My 1st. husband and I divorced we got an anullment. We only had one lawyer who just worked up papers on what we had already agreed upon. Then we seen a majestrate(not a judge) answered about 10 questions, signed some papers, and we were done. We were in court for about 30 minutes, thats all. My ex and I get along fine, and the same can be true for you. You still need something on paper to protect you, your ex, and most importantly your daughter. You guys should talk and come up with an agreement on all matters(support, visitation, ect), and then go see a lawyer together. He will draw up the papers with what you guys agreed upon, and then go to court and have them filed. That way everyone is covered, and no one can back out of your agreement. Good Luck, and it is great you two get along, because that is what is best for your daughter.

Answer 4

do you want more effective then $250 a month? keep in options toddler help is for the toddler and issues he choose. he's 15 months previous, so milk/toddler food might want to be coated extremely, and couple new gadgets of clothing a month, and also you may actually have some to positioned aside right into a college fund for him. Hate to assert this, yet questioning is different from choose. i imagine a court docket might want to honestly award you a lot less then this.

Answer 5

I would stay out of court as long as possible and as long as your arrangement is working. Perhaps let him know you appreciate his contribution and you count on it - make him feel good about supporting instead of bad. Its much easier when it is something he WANTS to do because he is still a good dad - even if you don't agree - its still a good strategy. People will give a lot when they want to - so help him "want" to give and be a good dad.

Answer 6

As long as he is doing it on time every month I would let it go right now...The first time he is late...get a court ordered support set up right away. The maintenance enforcement program is amazing and not difficult to deal with.

Answer 7

My husband and I decided that if we should ever split up, we wouldn't go through the courts. Why let them have a hand in the money for your child?

Answer 8

as long as he's paying let it go. if he stops you can file a claim with your local district attorneys office.and they will enforce payments. without having to go to court.