Toddler Situation. Opinions needed please?

Question

Hopefully I will explain this well!

My sister has a 4 year old who attends preschool. She goes 3 days a week, and it's a decent amount of money. Last month she missed the whole month of school because they went on a trip.

Okay, now my Dad is very ill, and will not last very much longer. My sister is staying with my parents to help take care of him at home. He does not want his grandchildren to see him, so my sisters children are staying with their other grandparents. Now my 4 year old niece is screaming saying she doesn't want to go to school and that she misses her mom. My sister doesn't know what to do. Obviously her daughter is having a hard time with her away, and she doesn't want her to miss school because she already missed a month.

My parents live about an hour away (more with traffic) from my sister.

Any ideas on how my sister can handle this situation? I wish I could help, but I live across the country and I am flying out there on Thursday.

Thanks in advance!

thank you for your advice so far!

My Dad doesn't want the kids to see him this way, that's why he doesn't want them to be around. I think he looks at it like he will never get to see them again instead of appreciating them now.

Answer 1

That is rough bump,my opinion (opinion only) is to have your parents stay with your sister so that she may spend time with her daughter.He (dad) can stay in part of the house where he will feel most comfortable and keep the grandchildren off-limits to that room.

Answer 2

OK-sorry if stepping on toes, but I don't think it is fair of the fam to but the whole "take care of dad" on one person. I am assuming that she doesn't work and that is the reason. Worng-she is a mom and that should come first. At four this child doesn't know what is going on other than mom left. To her, sick means a tummy ache. She has no idea about death. Telling her that when Grandpa is better she will be home is bad to because he won't get better-so mom coming home will mean he passed away and she will link those two things in her mind.

The best thing is get some help-hire a home health nurse or CNA, contact a hospise, enlist other family and freinds. But just don't dump it all on your sister-she is as stressed as you about your dad and now to be the reason her child is so unhappy-she has to be out of her mind with guilt and sadness. Not to mention that going back to day care after a month will be a big adjusment anyway with no idea when mom will be home. I respect your dad not wanting to be seen and remembered this way, but the family has to respect your sister and her family as well. And if she is vol to take all this on-then you should tell her it is ok to let others help and that she doesn't have to shoulder it alone. I would really try to find a hospice to talk to-you don't have to move in or anything, but they gave my aunt and cousin's great support in my uncles final weeks and really helped them coordinate with counseling and even finding hospital beds to rent. I am deeply sorry for your situation.

Answer 3

The 4 year old child does not know what is going on. The only thing she knows is that her mom is gone for some reason and doesn't understand why. Her mom is going to have to explain to her what is going on. This may be too personal but why would he not want to see his grandchildren? If he isn't going to last much longer wouldn't you want them to see him before he dies? Anyways, the mother needs to explain to the little girl what is going on and she needs to comfort her as well especially if she was close to her grandfather. If he dies it will hurt her just as much and she will not understand why. Maybe now that you are going out there to help she can spend some time with her daughter. Her daughter is just feeling left out and she needs her mother. School can wait. She is just 4 and will have plenty of school the rest of her life but her grandfather will only be around for a short period of time. Sometimes you need to look at things from a different perspective. Good luck and I wish you strength through what you are about to face. May God bless you.

Answer 4

The child comes first. Tell your sis to visit dad when she can and keep her routine with her child at school and at home. The dad is going to die her child is not. Get someone else to help the dad if he needs it. Death is a part of life that everyone will have to deal with in their life. I think the dad is being selfish. I would never want any one of my kids to take care of me and neglect or hurt their own family. Sorry to hear about your dad.

Answer 5

Well, much as with other things in life, it may be that the solution is to just ride it out.

Your neice will adjust to this change, just as she adjusted to having her mom around all the time. If you speak to her and give her the explanation in a rational manner, she will understand that it's temporary, and that her mom always loves her, even if they're not together.

Additionally, as regular school will be starting up for her fairly soon, it will be good to get over this bump as soon as possible.

It's entirely understandable that she wants to be with her mom. That is a good thing, and entirely normal. However, at age four, she is definitely old enough to understand that there are rules in life, and that this is one she'll need to follow. Explain the truth to her (perhaps without delving into the death discussion...just keep it to "Grandpa is sick") and she shouldn't have too much trouble understanding that Mommy needs to help Grandpa right now, and she'll be back to take care of her daughter as soon as Grandpa doesn't need help.

Answer 6

The day care ought to have stated to the mothers and fathers each and on a daily basis what went on with the youngster. i think of that too many cases, daycares assume to "restoration" childrens via fact of their so-stated as information of youngster progression. yet, any clever guy or woman could comprehend that each and absolutely everyone toddlers are distinctive and the 1st factor to do could be to get to understand the discern and how the discern bargains with circumstances. it quite is incorrect for a daycare to assume that they understand greater beneficial than the mothers and fathers do approximately what the youngster desires in a undeniable project. they ought to have asked after the 1st actual day quite of applying the undesirable toddler as an test. on the different hand, the mothers and fathers ought to have taken the initiative to fulfill each and each worker, alongside with their toddler. generally, daycare centers enable potential customers to reveal screen the operations of the middle. centers in many cases supply tough regulations of ways toddlers would be dealt with (ie. "All toddlers would be inspired to relish group examining on a daily basis") and that they are generally informed that the excellent factor for the youngster is to circulate away top away without long goodbyes to cut back the severity of discern-withdrawal/ attachment themes. the subject is that for the time of doing this, the middle assumes the authority of discern without assuming the duty to the youngster. I accept as true with the mothers and fathers: the youngster become being left out. the middle ought to have sought suggestion from the mothers and fathers on how superb to handle their toddler after day one. permitting a toddler to stand interior the corner on my own and cry/scream isn't uncomplicated to the youngster or to the different toddlers. It demonstrates a loss of adulthood on the portion of the toddler room instructor and he or she ought to have been reprimanded, enormously if it quite is the coverage of the daycare to tell the mothers and fathers approximately on a daily basis interest. After days one and a couple of, the mothers and fathers ought to do no longer something different than competently assume that their toddler were easily assimilated into the college room and that each and absolutely everyone become properly. communique between discern and childcare worker is important. The discern is the customer and the middle is the provider service and subsequently middle is in charge for beginning touch with the discern to tell them that issues are not going as easily as planned.