Daughter is being teased in 4th grade?

Question

My 4th grade daughter is having a very hard time at school. She is picked on alot and has only 2 "friends" that use her then when they get what they want they make her go away. My daughter is very beautiful and not fat, she is a bit round but had a "figure" of someone a little older. I would like some advice on how to talk to her about it so that she will feel more comfortable at school. Or how she could deal with the people at school.

Wow a lot of answers so fast. I need to add that she is involved in dance and girlscouts. We have talked to her teacher (who is a ditz) and to the principal (who is also my daughters Aunt). Thanks!

Answer 1

...curious...you mention you daughter is beautiful and not fat...not a single word about your daughter being a nice girl, polite, sweet, intelligent, etc, etc, etc...if you are focusing just on the outside..then you are making your daughter superficial...and perhaps that's why she is being picked at. If you just reassure to your girl that beauty is not only in the outside...that if they are picking on her is because the other kids parents are not doing their job on teaching their kids to be respectful of others feelings. But I think it's YOU that needs to have a change of mind.

Answer 2

I agree with those that are suggesting some extra-curricular activities. Perhaps she will have an easier time making friends in other settings. If she is into sports, art, music, or dance you can try signing her up for classes through the school or the city. My sister was painfully shy throughout elementary school and had no friends, but she enjoyed her voice lessons. She went on to become very popular in high school. I would not make a big deal out of the teasing, if you don't freak out over it, maybe she won't take it too seriously. Just let her know she's beautiful and special and I'm sure she'll get through it. Encourage any friendships she makes, sleepovers with a friend or two were always a blast and gave something to talk about the next week at school. Good luck!!

Answer 3

My daughter is in 5th grade and although she has not been picked on that much she did have issues with a girl last year being very mean to her and talking about her.
She was fortunate to have a couple of other good friends to lean to plus me and aunt to talk too.
You said you talked to the principal(her aunt) but has she done anything about it?
My daughter is biracial and when she was in 1st grade a couple boys/girls said stuff to her and it was squashed asap. The principal stepped right in.
Let her know you are there. Encourage her to play a sport-soccer is a great one. That will build up her self esteem. Invite some girls over for a play date-ones that don't use her. That has to be someone in 4th grade that feels like her.
Let her know you are there. I would also buy some American Girl books-they have ones with this subject that really help.
Good luck.

Answer 4

It all starts at home. I'm sure it's hurting you way more than it's hurting her especially if you are completely there for your daughter. Maybe take her shopping, get her hair done and get a manicure together! All that fun, girly stuff! Make her feel how you see her and that's beautiful! Once you do that, it won't matter about these other girls and eventually how she feels will come out in not only the way she looks, but her personality as well and the friends will come out of the woodworks! Also, it doesn't hurt the mother-daughter relationship either. Have fun and giggle and hug a lot!! It'll put a smile on your face as well and that never hurts!

Answer 5

OH this makes me so friggen angry!!!! Kids were cruel back when I was in school some 35 yrs ago, and they still friggen are, and the Teachers Could make the difference......I would know if a kid was getting picked on for gods sake!!!!!......They don't want to be bothered!!!!......The "Bullying" is absurd, that it is allowed, and that is just it, it is ALLOWED, so they don't have to deal with it, cause' they have too many kids to deal with in most classes.....Your daughter is in the 4th grade, so great, this child is going through this in the 4th grade, probably gets nervous to go to school cause' a couple of self appointed leaders make the rules as to who gets picked on and who doesn't.....BS!!!......You find out the names of the kids and go directly to the Principals office, and demand a parental meeting, and IF the school does not put a stop to it, you will get an attorney and file harrassment charges!!!!......This bullying crap has got to stop, and the parents need to say enough is enough!!!!!.......I sure hope it stops for you, that is your child and you love her, you don't need the stress of seeing her cry and such.....Just makes me so mad!......

Answer 6

This breaks my heart because I was teased in school and I am also a mother. (of three) I would talk to her about her feelings, her self-esteem, and find some kind of activity for her to participate in where she can excel. Finding her "knitch" so to speak will boost her confidence, and make her feel like she is in control. Ask her if she wants you to talk to the teacher about this to see where the teasing is coming from, (i.e. her appearance, her grades, etc.) Children are so cruel, and your daughter shouldn't have to give them anything to make them like her. Talk to the other parents, if they are involved (many parents today are not) in any activities at the school. That way you have an opportunity to talk to them about their take on teasing and how they might handle it. See about getting some of the girls and their mothers or fathers together to talk about self-esteem, friendship, etc.

I have three boys, and I take each of them out individually for a "date night". It's their time to talk about anything and everything. They pick the place, pay for the meal, order their own food, (mine as well if they want), whatever. It's their time to build their communication skills, their confidence and whatever else.

I wish you the best. It's not easy to watch your child be teased.

Answer 7

Sweetie, I have gone through the same stage as your are. My son is also in the 4th grade..Since he was in year 3 the kids with him call him many names as freak and much more.He comes home every day crying which breaks my heart.
first thing you should do is talk to the teacher.It is very important that she knows.
Second thing always talk to your daughter and give her strong self esteem.
third thing which is a good lesson for your child to know.Tell her that its wrong ,and if anyone picks on her let her straight away go and tell the teacher.
I know this is frustrating because i have and still am going through this , but by building the self esteem in my son now he doesnt care about anyone who pick on him.

Answer 8

kids are kids. it'll all come out in the wash. you're probably more upset than her about it- if you blow it out of proportion or go to the school about it, you could create exactly the opposite effect and really cause her to think she has a problem.
if it becomes more serious than what you've described or it reaches the point soething must be done, definately contact the schools administration and counselors they are trained on how to handle these situations
if you know the other girls parents, a call to their mothers might not be a bad idea, if you think they're caring folks and you handle the call right-

Answer 9

It's a normal thing to get teased. Heck I even got teased when I was only in pre-k! If her social life gets worse, you should get her into fun afterschool programs where she can interact with other kids.. maybe get her mind off her issues. However, if your daughter is really having a horrible time, you should probably switch schools.

Answer 10

yes--it's true that kids can be cruel and that your daughter may just have to deal with it--she has friends adn activities outside school adn that could make up for her negative expereince at school--However, i don't think you ahve to just accept it--If you've already tried talking to the school faculty/officials--adn she is still unhappy--you could always change schools--yes--it would be drastic but so what?...Sometimes, if someone at school gets a certain reputation, etc..it sticks forever--sometimes starting over from scratch is a good way to go--have your daughter see a child psychologist, wait a few more weeks adn then see if she wants to change schools...

Good Luck...