need help to understand a meth and alcohol addict?

Question

my boyfriend has been using meth and drinking heavy.he will disappear every weekend,and he has lost a job and on the verg of losing another.he says he loves me and wants to quit,but then again he will leave and not come home.i dont know how meth addiction works and im not sure how alcohol addiction works eather.im trying to be understanding but it still hurts.is it normal for a persons attitude to change.he use to be some what nice to me and seemed sorry when he use to disappear,but now he seems more distant and cold when he is home.i told him we could seperate until he found out what he wants but he says no.i want to stand by his side and help him through this but at times im not sure he really loves me.is it just the addiction,or is it just him.please help me understand.if i new he cared and it was the drugs making him this way,id be able to stand by his side,but if its not i need to let go.please help.

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Meth/alcohol addictions take over a person--it can change them into a different person. Right now, all your boyfriend can think about is his next high/fix. He doesn't have room for loving or caring for you. That's what addiction does to a person. The bad thing is meth (and alcohol, too) is a very hard addiction to quit. I've dealt with various addictions, both in myself and in friends and family members. What you need to do right now is let go of him. I'm sure he's telling you that he wants you to stay--but what he really needs you to do is to leave. As long as you stay, there's nothing you can do to help him quit, really. Quitting is up to him. But if you stay, you're likely to (without knowing it, sometimes) make him able to continue in his addiction. By filling in the gaps that he can't fill while he's on meth, you're only making it easier for him to stay addicted. But if you leave, he will have to face his addiction. He won't have you standing there to make things okay. And the only way your boyfriend will be able to recover is to face his addiction and recognize what it is doing to his life.

So yes, the drugs are influencing his behavior. But that doesn't mean you should stay with him. This can be hard and tricky, because you love him and you know what he's like when he's not addicted. But right now, meth and alcohol are consuming him. What you need to do, both for him and for yourself, is to set limits: tell him you won't see him unless he's working to recover from his addiction by getting into a 12-step program, like AA and NA (narcotics anonymous). Remember that he will want to keep you with him so that you can keep doing things for him to make it easier for him to stay in his addiction, so watch out for that. There is hope: AA and NA have changed many, many lives--I've met the people that it's worked for. Plus, the meetings are free and there are groups in every city. You can look online to find out where the closest one is, or you can call your local hospital. Hospitals usually have that info on hand, or can tell you where you can find it. Here's a thought: go with him to the meetings! Many friends and family go with their loved ones to the meetings even if they themselves aren't addicts so that they can learn more about what their loved ones are going through and be supportive. That would be the most loving thing you could do for your boyfriend right now.

You also need to get support for yourself. There are groups like AA and NA for families of addicts. One that comes to mind is CoDA--co-dependents anonymous. Many of the people that go to those have relatives/spouses, etc. that have addiction problems. You can get in touch with those the same way as you can find the AA or NA groups; or you can go to the AA/NA group and ask around, since the spouses that attend will know of support groups that they attend as well. Once again, you local hospital might have connections to various support groups for family/friends of addicts. You have to take care of yourself first, before you can yelp your boyfriend. Think of the lifeguard: if he drowns, he can't save the person he's trying to help! The biggest thing to know, though, is that you can't "fix" your boyfriend. He has to do that himself. It's painful, but that's the only way he can recover.

It is possible (though painful, I know), that your boyfriend will not be willing to try to recover from his addictions. If this is the case, it is important--very, very important--that you cut ties with him and move on. People can be dangerous when they're caught up in an addiction, and you don't want to end up a victim. In the meantime, I recommend that you move out (if you're living with him) to give yourself some distance and independence. Don't help him, except to help him get to recovery meetings and rehab (which he may need to detox from the meth). This is the time for tough love. If he has the motivation to recover, then he will, and he'll thank you for doing these things later. In the meantime, look out for yourself and step back. Get support and stay strong--that's the best advice I can give.

My heart goes out to you--hugs from afar. *love*
Kristen

Answer 2

The way he is treating you is not him. It is the drug. You are doing a good thing by standing by him,but just becareful not to get mixed up with anything or anyone. It could be dangerous. Something else that it is something that no one wants to think about but it is best to know what can happen. A friend of ours used to be into the Meth. He did get out of it but because of his prior use when he hurt him self he had broke a few bones and the bones in his foot would not heel. The doctors says that is was the meth. 2 weeks ago he just had his foot cut off. Drug useage ruins you ablitiy to heal. Just the other day my cousin died and she was big into drugs and meth. She was life support for 19 days. So it is better for you to find him the help he needs now. He may hate you for it at the time but he will love you later and you will be his angel.

Answer 3

well...I think is better if he would go at a center where there are people that help you get over alcohol or drugs, etc. But if there are no places like that or if he won't go then you should talk to him seriously. and tell him that if you will help him get throw this. be very supportive with him and tell him that if he won't do this you will live him. and if he really loves you he will try to get well. if he doesn't love you he will promise you everything, but he won't do a thing. if he doesn't quit drinking and using the other thing I suggest you to leave him, because he will just ruin your life too, and I don't think that you deserve it! good luck!

Answer 4

I was some what like your boyfriend and have known lots of others like him. Meth is like scooping brain cells out with a large spoon. His lose of being intouch with reality ,if it hasn't already, will eventually happen and there is no limit to his bezarre behaviour. It's like being in a car going 100 miles an hour with no brakes. I can't tell you what to do with your life but it's not going to be a fun ride if you hang on. God Bless you and good luck.

Answer 5

Addictions are all about hitting the bottom.

If you enable him, you are keeping him from hitting his bottom.

In order to get him serious enough to stop, you have to set some parameters on what he will lose if he doesn't - your love, your home, your support, etc.

Until he understands the repercussions of not quitting, you are battling an uphill battle.

Tough love is always best when dealing with addictions - don't be an enabler.

Answer 6

hey dont make your boyfriend to promise quitting meth and alcohol

no one can do it ,,,,

make him promise to go and see a professional help

with some determination and understanding of both of you ,, he can be made a normal person

addiction can change a lot in ones personality ,, it changes with the drug , it dose , duration ,, some can be permanent ..
or later on it could lead to psychiatric problems like schizophrenia too ,, get him help or u will be party to crime if you dont take him to a de addiction center asap

Answer 7

You will be helping him by leaving him. People with drug/alcohol prolems NEED to experience the full consequences of thier actions in order to start getting sober. Also, drugs and alcohol numb people's emotions when sober. It takes time to start feeling. literally. And of course, this must be taking a toll on your emotional stability- he is your boyfriend. Just please remember that it is extremly important that he experiences all of the consequences and that noone keep him from that.
Take care
if you want to talk anytime- just send me an e-mail

Answer 8

ALANON is a support group for the friends and families members of alcoholics. Call 211, United Way, for the local listings of meetings. Start there.

Answer 9

Go to this site, It has lots of information on meth

www.methinfo.org

Hope it helps out.
I dont at this time have a good one acholol but am willing to look for one if you want
Vicki

Answer 10

try and get him to go to A A that will help