My boyfriend, and soon to be fiance is the love of my life. I couldnt have found somebody that fits better than me and him do. He is my best friend, and i feel so blessed each day. But heres the catch. He USED TO smoke. He smoked pot, cigars, cigs. And i have spent my life as being somebody who is completely against all of those activities. He never let it get the best of him though, he thought as long as he keeps up his grades it was ok to do it. And even his family knew but didnt make one effort to stop him. And that to me is just a bunch of lame excuses. Even though hes stopped for me and for good, it still bothers me that when it comes to that topic we dont see eye to eye, since its always been such a big deal to me. And i hate that he still doesnt regret it. How can i get it to stop bothering me..Every time i think about it i get so grossed out..
2007-01-08 04:46:16 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The point is he no longer smokes. You should not resent him for having a different opinion about smoking and he can't change the fact that he used to smoke. Why does he have to feel the same way as you about the subject? He is not you. If you want your relationship to work than you must accept that his past can not change and it is ok to disagree on certain topics - smoking and other things that WILL come up in your future together. Accept it or move on. Also keep in mind that everyone in a relationship has to deal with things like this. Don't make it a bigger deal than it is. Its not like he's talking about something perverted or illegal. Agree to not discuss the topic (and future ones you are overly sensitive about) and you will both be much happier.
2007-01-08 05:07:18 · answer #1 · answered by April 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm against smoking as well, but I grew up with an entire family that smoked! I still love them, so I'm able to get past it. No relationship is perfect, obviously, and people will always have qualities or things that bother you about them. I can understand this is your fiance, and it may be hard to get it out of your mind. But, hey, you love him right? And it's in the past. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, and when he brings smoking up, or someone else does, don't make a big deal out of it. You don't have to prove you're right. Keep it to yourself, and deep down, you'll know you're the bigger person who didn't argue about this. Obviously, if he doesn't regret smoking, he doesn't see it the same way you do, but if you try to push your opionions on him, there will be conflict. Hopefully you can just stick it out, and realize that when you are with someone, you get everything that comes with them, as well, which is what love is all about: loving people for their imperfections.
:)
2007-01-08 12:54:29 · answer #2 · answered by 0akland 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister married a pothead and all this guy ever does is quit and restart, quit and restart...i don't think he can give it up for good. Also, he's always ruining good job opportunities he has or ruining ones he's trying for. He's always getting fired for dirty drug tests. She wants him to stop, and he does for awhile, but it's in one ear and out the other. Don't think you are going to be able to change him. People are stubborn. If you MARRY this guy, you better be ready for something like this. If he's used for a long time, chances are he will start up again sometime in the future. He may or may not being doing it behind your back. you don't know.
I once had to breakup with an ex girlfriend because she smoked and i didn't. i hate drugs, and just could not stand the fact that being with her, i had to be around it. It's not what i stand for, so i had to leave. You will have to decide if this is ultimately going to be a problem in your life, especially if you don't agree with it. there are just some choices you have to make responsibly...
2007-01-08 12:58:25 · answer #3 · answered by akerockstar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just forget about it unless it becomes an issue. It is hard to stop smoking if you've been doing it a long time. Your Fiance did it for you. I'd be forgiving if you catch him at some point.
2007-01-08 12:51:07 · answer #4 · answered by go2bermuda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for one thing you can stop pushing your values onto other people.
So what if he smoked. You obvoiusly never did or never looked objectively at it if you still wish to look down your nose about it.
Get over yourself and get over it.
Luckily it sounds like you have nothing better to complain that he USED TO smoke...then you are indeed a lucky woman.
2007-01-08 12:51:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try telling him that it only takes ONE mutation in your lungs to start lung cancer. Tell him that the mutation can happen on your very first and only cigar, or on your 10 thousandth. Tell him then that he possible could have taken himself away from you on that first cigar, and that he could be on the road to cancer right now. Oncogenes, the cancer cells in your body, certainly are a *****.
2007-01-08 12:49:46 · answer #6 · answered by gabe_library 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he stopped for you, it tells you alot. Alot of guys don't care for the women. You are very lucky. Live in the "NOW" and forget the past. If you keep it up, your marriage is history. Move on!
2007-01-08 12:53:41 · answer #7 · answered by Paul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's not smoking now, you need to let it go! You can't judge someone by their past. That is totally unfair.
2007-01-08 12:48:55 · answer #8 · answered by brown_iyed_grrl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋