Do stay at home Moms screw up their children by treating them as the center of their Universe?

Question

Do you model the wrong behavior? Why not go out and get a job and teach children independence? Is a stay at home Mom better than the social benefit of day care?

Answer 1

Well I think that's an extreme sweeping statement, but you make a valid point of one potential danger associated with mothers who stay at home. But it's NOT because they stay at home, it's because they treat their children as the center of the universe that causes problems, and not all moms do that.

Some of the most self centred adults I know were only children whose mothers stayed at home and mollycoddled them until they moved out- didn't give them an inch of privacy or teach them any independence, even when they were 18, and I swear they don't even live in the real world now.

I'm not against mothers staying home, but it doesn't automatically make for good parenting like some people seem to think. You can raise screwed up kids whether you work or not, they're just screwed up in different ways!

Answer 2

I have 4 children. Their ages are 27, 25, 22, and 9 (our little surprise, conceived when I had been taking birth control pills for 11 years). One of the amazing things about being an American is that we get to choose how we want to raise our family. I have a bachelor's degree with a teaching certificate. My oldest 2 children were born when I was a full-time student also working part-time. I never dreamed I would be a stay-at-home mom having been successfully raised in a home with 2 working parents. After graduation from college, I planned to take a year to be at home with my little ones, who were almost 3 and 7 1/2 months, then I was going to apply for teaching jobs. I was stunned to find how much I loved being a stay-at-home mom and continued to be one until I began my own licensed daycare when my 3rd born was 3. My children are far from screwed up. My oldest is a well-respected teacher, my son is an assistant manager at a national pharmacy, my middle daughter is working with a before and after school care program run by a local school district. All have college degrees, do volunteer work, and are productive members of the community in which they live. We participated in many social activities when they were small, such as library story hour, play groups, playing in the park, community education programs such as swimming and T-ball. As a licensed daycare provider who has been a stay-at-home mom as well, I believe that whether a child is raised by a stay-at-home mom (or dad) or is raised by working parents is not the biggest factor in how a child grows into an adult. It serves no purpose to debate the pros and cons of working vs. stay-at-home moms. Children are succesfully raised both ways. Ultimately each family chooses which works best for them and should do so with no feelings of guilt.

Answer 3

What a funny question. I'm wondering if some experience has caused this strange attitude toward stay at home moms. I stay at home with my 3 boys. I worked for 10 years as a teacher and taught university level classes. All my education taught me that I would be my kids best teacher. I know I give them more than daycare would. We go to the zoo, museums, grandmas, friends' homes. They get a lot of socialization and don't get sick as often as they would in daycare. There is no doubt that my kids have benefited from what I am able to give them. They will see me work when they all get to school age. I'll go back to work and will have developed memories that I couldn't have if I had worked while they were young.

I have nothing against moms that work - in fact, I would have if we had needed the financial support. I don't think there are many moms out there that work because they think daycare is better for their kids than what they could provide at home. They work because they need the money.

Answer 4

I have been both a stay at home mom and a corporate career climbing mom. Both have pros and cons. I am now a stay at home mom. I know that both ways have pros and cons and each women must do what shee knows is best for her family. I wanted to make sure that my children had my values and not the values of whomever is taking care of them at the time.

My children are well adjusted and do well in school. They have lots of friends and have outside activities. They all know that they have a mom who is there for them.

I have a college degree and worked a full time plus job. When I left my job 8 years ago when my children were 3, 6, and 9. I was in management at the company where I worked. I also left when I was still rising through the ranks.

My children are very independent. They have jobs and have learned to work for whatever they want. They understand the value of everything because I cannot buy them anything that they want whenever they want it. My oldest is leaving for college and is ready to go. I made sure that my children can take care of themselves in the world.

Answer 5

I feel that you are so wrong. I am a stay at home mom. My husband actually works two full time jobs so i am able to do this. I feel that it is the best option. My son is not the center of my universe and he knows that. But when he is here with me I know that he is being raised with the rules,guidlines, and structure, that i want him to have. Mabey throwing kids in daycare and letting other people raise your children is whats wrong with this world. My mother was a corprate mom. Had a big time career. Made lots of money. But you know what i remember wanting more time with my mother. ANd the daycares we were in well let me tell you i would nover subject my son to anything like that. Think aobut back in the olden days, was there so much crime and violance then when most moms were stay at home moms? And the social benefits of daycare? You can socialize your children in other ways. There are stay at home mom groups that get there children together so they can learn to interact. I always thought that i would grow up and be just like my mom with the big career. But since i have had my son i could never do that to him.

Answer 6

Social benifit of daycare? I am a stay at home mom. I want to raise my kids, not some stranger! When they are all in school I will get a full time job. For now I work part time, once a week. My kids are the center of my universe and I think they will be LESS screwed up than kids who never see their parents. My kids know I am always here for them and I love them. They will have a much better self esteem in high school. I am active in my kids' lives, that's imposable for someone to do if they work 60 hours a week. And for what? One more car they don't need? That bigger house across town? No one NEEDS that much money, they are just greedy and kids suffer because of that.

Answer 7

Stay at home mom can be a great deal of support and nurturer for her children. However, staying at home and just making her home, children and husband the center of her universe will have a backlash in longterm. When the kids grow up and leave what will she do then? After the kids go away to college or move out and say the husband dies what will she do with herself then.

So it is important that a stay at home mom keeps herself busy with hobbies and maybe a partime job that gives her a sense of self - a little bit for herself, too. So that when times comes to let go of her kids, it won't be devastating.
One example - Just see how many women have problems with thier daughter-in-laws - it's because her son was her center and suddenly some girl marries him and "takes him away" If she had a life of her own something that she enjoys to do, this kind of letting go won't be so hard.
Another example - If she is active, she will also make good company which is good not only for her, but also her children Otherwise, she may fall into dailiy humdrum and then depression. THat is not good. Children of depressed parents have a very difficult life.

Answer 8

I am a stay at home mom and I dont believe that I am modeling the wrong behavior, i don't go get a job because it would cost more to pay for daycare and I feel that a child needs a parent whenever. I also take my daughter to play groups so that she still gets the social benefits. So no I am not screwing up my daughter I am giving better opportunities.

Answer 9

I totally agree with Mintee, I've seen daycare kids first-hand who are always sad, don't want to participate in anything, and constantly ask when they get to see their mommy. They need attention from their parents far more than they're getting....besides, all that seems to come out of this is that when kids reach the age of 12-13 they just sit at home until their parents get home from work, and it encourages laziness. Why are children so much more overweight than they used to be? Well, that and that the mother's who don't have time for them, also don't have time to fix a healthy meal, and get fast-food, so they can have time to maybe catch up on the laundry. I'm not saying there's no point in which a mom should work, but it's definitely not ideal for the kids.

Answer 10

I personally think you don't even believe in your own question, you just wanted to ruffle some feathers. Your question doesn't even make sense .

* Job equals independence? Usually when you are working for someone else, it is anything but independence.

*Social benefits of day care- A child has the next 10+ years to spend in school/highschool alone, and now they have to go to day care too, for the first 3 years of their life or they are deprived??

I wonder what you think of people who raised families 100 years ago, quite possibly your ancestors as well, there was no day care back then, yet the country was still able to raise quite intelligent citizens.