How do I get over my witch mother now that I am pregnant?

Question

My mother is never happy with anything I have done in my life, I went to college, graduated, bought a house and got married. I have a happy life, and now I am pregnant with my first baby and we are so happy about it.

I told my family a few weeks ago and my mother was not happy, she is just bitter about everything. I knew she wouldn't be involved with the pregnancy or the baby, but it still hurts that she hasn't called me to see how I am doing or to talk about the pregnancy since she found out. She didn't even ask about my due date, names, etc. She doesn’t care about her first grandbaby.

How do I get over her and how she treats me? I am tying to be grateful for all I have, but its hard when my mom is pretty dead to me.

I don't want my mother to ruin my pregnancy and happiness like when I got married.

Talking to her doesn't work, she becomes verbally abusive and blames me for everything. I will NEVER win her approval for anything I do, so I don't try anymore.

Answer 1

Dear Jenny,

As much as you would like to have a normal family and as much as you would love to have your mother involved in you life you are beating a dead horse. Your mother is set in her ways and will not come out regardless of the effort you put into healing the relationship. You have proved once and again that she has not been there for you when you have most needed her. What makes you think that she will be there for you now that you're re pregnant!?

Concentrate your efforts less on trying to figure out why she is like that towards you and more on yourself. Your child needs you to be focused on the events at hand. Even though your baby will miss the warmth and love only a grandmother can give, he or she will get over it! You don't need to torture yourself any longer with the uncertainty of your mother's love. Love yourself! Love your future child! Forget mom!

As we get older we can discard the old values and replace them with values that work better for us. As much as the 'family' image was imposed on you as you were growing up, as an adult, it is a two way street. Love demands love and respect demands respect! If you are giving and not receiving it is time for you to evaluate your situation and get out before you really get hurt!

Answer 2

It would help you not to seek your Mothers approval. The issues she has are hers and although they manifest in her realtionship with you, they are not your fault, or even anything to do with you. It seems you have done everything right. Both you and your husband need to present a united front (his support will help) and say you are disappointed in her reaction to your news, nothing more. If you want to have a better relationship with your Mother it will take time and a willigness on her part, if not to address her 'issues' but to change how she treats you. You are an adult and soon to be parent, time to tell her what you find acceptable or unacceptable and how hard she can be to be around. She sounds like a disappointed, bitter woman who has tried living vicariously through you. There are not many Granparents can resist the lure of a new baby, lets hope she changes in order to be a part of your families life.

Answer 3

Your Mum should be proud of everything you have done in your life so far, go and talk to her and find out why she is acting this way, if that doesn't alter anything try not to worry about it. I know this will be hard but don't let her ruin what you have got. Enjoy your pregnancy with your husband and then concentrate on the three of you as a family, at the end of the day it will be your MUM who misses out not you. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 4

It sounds like you know your mother pretty well, and that this is typical behavior. Trying to get her involved or mend anything will probably just hurt your feelings more. Sometimes, we just have to accept things for what they are and move on. You need to focus on you, your husband, and most of all your baby. Only talk to people about the baby who care and are supportive. If your mother in law is happy for you guys, then involve her in everything. Surround yourself with your friends and other people who love you, and try to forget about your mother. People like her will usually be that way forever....so it is basically up to her to take the next step and apologize and be apart of her daughter and grandbaby's lives.... So until then...just sit back and bask in the happiness of being pregnant and starting a family! Congrats to you and your hubby, and good luck with everything!

Answer 5

Sounds like your mom has the problem not you. If I were you, I would limit my visits with her. She feels so depressed that she cannot see the sunshine in anything. It, whatever it is, is not your fault and until she seeks help for herself, she will never change. You cannot change her. Be happy for yourself. You have a new family now and subjecting them to the bitterness and anger is not fair to your husband, new baby or yourself. Don't contact her, but if she calls, speak positively with her. If she becomes negative and judgemental, end the conversation with a "Have a nice day!" You have a loving husband and a new baby to consider so please, don't subject them to the craziness. OH! CONGRATULATIONS on completing college and all of the rest of the good things you have done for yourself. I am always happy to know someone takes initiative to better themselves through all of the controversy. Be PROUD of yourself and your accomplishments.

Answer 6

You have to realize that there is something mentally wrong with her, and maybe she doesnt know how to face it. That is the reason shes so coldhearted and treats you how she does. I understand, cause my mom left my family about 10 years ago and was in out, but we saw her last in 1999. I've come to accept that I have to live my life and not her terrible heartless decisions interfere with how I live my life. If i spend all day dwelling on her and questioning why is the way she is, then I cant focus on me- which is most important. You are in a position where your health- physical and mental are very important to yu and the baby. Do not stress over her ways and upset yourselves. I knoe its easier said than done, but please realize that she may not ever change and there is nothing you can do to change that. Carry on with your happy life and try your best to but her and her attitude out of sight/ out of mind.

Answer 7

Instead of stressing about how you mother feels, continue to love her because it is your mother, she is the one with issues, for some reasons she hates herself. Be the good daughter and send her an announcement of the birth of your little one and be done with it. Do you have a favorite relative, just tell her all of the things that you wish that you could tell your mother. Always love your mother you have only one.

Answer 8

She is the one that is missing out on a lot of happiness. Invite her to the shower, invite her to the hospital, tell her you want her to be with you. Let her know you want your child to know her and love her. Tell her you want her in your life. Pour your heart out about your feelings. Write it in a letter. Send it to your mom. If she doesn't thaw after that, honey, move on without her and let her do the reaching out. I don't know what she blames you for, is there a reason for her bitterness?

Answer 9

darling the ambilical cord was cut years ago by the doc
now it is time for you to cut it
just because she is your mom that does not give her the right to continue hurting you
If she was a husband or a boyfriend you will have divorce him by now so do the same for her divorce her
take care of yourself & baby also pray God to teach you how to be a better parent
Good luck & Congradulations

Answer 10

always remember its her loss. nothing you can do will bring her around. dont be sad because others have their moms to help, can you imagine having her there, with the history you two have? that would be horrible having all that negativety around such a beautiful thing. dont let her spoil it. it would just be a huge disappointment to you and you'd regret trying to include her anyway. your life seems pretty good, embrace that and move on.