weve been having problems, for awhile, and when he told me he cheated, my opinion of him changed. Ive always thought the worst, but never really believed that he would do it. We talked for 6 hours yesterday, and we had a really good talk. I told him that i should leave him, but i think im having doubts, now, its really hard to leave someone youve been with for so long. What should i do?
2007-01-08 04:13:36 · 56 answers · asked by Jackeeeee 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
it's easy for all these people to just say no. its not them in the situation. you really need to ask yourself... do you really love him... does your love involve trust? did he say he wouldnt do it again? do you believe him? these problems youve been having... are they really that serious or were they just petty arguments and you guys just made up after? i completely understand lookin a him different. but if you think the way youre looking at him not wont go away, that means you wont forgive him and i recomend splitting up in that case cuz there really is no love or relationship with out trust. I recommend going though all the details with him, with who, where, when, and all that if you havent already. it'll make you mad (even wen i comes up in the future) but its best if you both talk about it. Obviously you have been together for sometime, if you have doubts about breaking up, dont it'll take a while but try to build ur trst and friendship back up, kinda like starting from scatch. but if you two really love each other, itll be for the best in the long run. dont let one mistake make you forget about all the good time you had together. i think you should try to forgive him and allow him to redeem himself.
Now, im only 15. lol. and i know i havent live my life or i just started, but ive had my share of heartache too, and now im with a guy who i really think is 'the one' and we've talked about this and this is my advice. Hope it helps. Good luck!
2007-01-08 13:25:56 · answer #1 · answered by dizzypanda906 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You gotta go with your gut. My ex husband of 7 years admitted this same betrayl to me and since we had been together for so long and had 2 beautiful lil girls maybe we should try t get over it and move on. After we were together awhile longer I ralizd I couldnt cope with what he had done and even though I believe he still loves me there is no way we will get back together. He is remarried and guess what....he cheats on his wife now too. If it's something you want your gonna try it no matter what anyone says. My only advice is don't expect anything just see where it goes. If you don't try it then make sure it's not something your always gonna wonder about. He's broke your heart once. Is he worth that possibility again? Your the only one to know this. Good Luck!
2007-01-08 04:24:58 · answer #2 · answered by vanillashimmer21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just because you've had a good talk with him, that doesn't mean that your problems are solved. if you stay with him, it's very likely that nothing will change, and you will be having the same problems over and over again. the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different outcome. it sounds very cliche' to say "once a cheater, always a cheater", but it's actually true. i know it's difficult to leave someone that you've been with for a very long time, but it's not worth being completely miserable all the time just for the sake of being "comfortable". continuing an already bad relationship is just going to cause more pain for everybody in the long run, especially if there's children involved. best of luck.
2007-01-08 04:30:54 · answer #3 · answered by LoriBeth 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is only something that you can answer with your heart. People do make mistakes, but not the same one all the time. Is the relationship worth giving up for all that you may mean to each other and the time invested in the relationship. Is he sincere and can you both make a fresh start? Can he endure the questions and trust issues that you will have for him after this? Can you start to rebuild trust? Only you know! I wish you the best, and the most I have to offer your question is, if you both have love and respect and he is truly sorry then it can be worked through with much patience and respect along with understanding.
2007-01-08 04:18:29 · answer #4 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First think about it, he loves you and want to repent. Why admit to you when he can hide it unless you found out about it and has no choice but to admit it. Furthermore, if you like him so much work on the relationship, go to google and do some research on relationships. If you are married and also if you have kids, try your best to salvage the relationship. I am saying this from a Christian point of view that is God doesn't like divorce. Of course I am well aware you may not be a Christian and don't accept my views. I respect that. I am just speaking just in case you are a Christian. Truth is I personally thinks he loves you or else he wouldn't admit his infidelity to you. Think of ways to spice up the relationship. Dress more nice clothings(not talking about sexy clothings) . Lose weight if you are fat, go for facials for a better face skin. Exercise to release stress. and be more fit. Go out with your men more often for exercise so he doesn't have opportunity to cheat that is maybe go shopping and exercising and vacation. I am not talking about checking on him and putting a chain on his neck and follow where ever he goes. I mean do more activities with him so that he can have less time to cheat and don't have time to think of cheating and also more time spent together can enhance your relationship.
2007-01-08 07:39:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My answer is going to be different:
True, it is very hard to accept some one, who has said that he had cheated you! It is quite natural to think in the angle to snap the relation for ever!
Have a few more rounds of talks with him and try to find why he has chosen an other person in his life when you are already there to fulfil his needs?
May be you could have been at fault, without your knowledge!Hear from him about any of your behaviour or treatment to him hurt him deeply, but, he could not or did not communicate the same to you or inspite of informing you, you have not paid much importance to it!
Probably he was hurt and he was looking for some one, to whom he could drain his emotions and resulted in a new relation.
Keep yourself off from the present relationship. Speak to him as his new found girl friend and try to analyse what made him to look for someone else. If there is a fault on your side, correct yourself, and give him a chance to mend his fault and advise him to refrain from spoiling an other woman's life too.
If you have children, both of you should think about their future as well and both of you should sacrifice a bit of your comforts and happiness or ego for their sake! It is better live with a known devil than an unknown angel!
If your sincere efforts are not going to yield anything better for both of your life and your children, you have enough time to call it a day!
Try it out!
Good luck my friend!
2007-01-08 06:29:05 · answer #6 · answered by Shooting stars 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what they say Once a Cheater Always A Cheater. Yes no one is perfect in this world but...you have to think about yourself...do you remember the pain when he told you he cheated? Do you really want to experience this again or would you rather move on to someone fresh and start new.
I would say leave the man he isn't worthy of your pain...if he really liked/loved you he wouldn't of done it to begin with.
2007-01-08 04:17:37 · answer #7 · answered by LuLu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you must forgive and begin again,every one makes mistakes its the circumstances that makes us go astray...
He confessed on his own,you did not catch him right!He could have gone on with the act,but the guilt is killing him.He knows he has a loss of face and respect at home in front of his woman,he is ready to face that...he is a brave man!
When we confess n ask for forgiveness The Lord does forgive us right..
Give him a chance..a known devil is better than an unknown one.Its very easy for a lot of people to say don't give a chance or dump him..I bet life is not all this simple!
Weigh your pro's n con's have a few more talk sessions sort him out and yourself too.Keep him on a bail and maintain a tight vigil till you get your sense of security back.
Luck n cheers
2007-01-08 05:47:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He did it once he'll do it again...If you stay with him he'll think he can get away with it again. Atleast Leave him for awhile to let him know you are serious and if he trys hard enough maybe give him a 2nd chance.
I personally would never give someone a second chance if they cheated, I know I deserve better and maybe you should realize that about yourself.
2007-01-08 04:16:42 · answer #9 · answered by Tink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is! My husband cheated on me and I am still with that dummy! So, I must say yes it is hard! I know I should leave him, but I do not want to start over. I can tell you this your relationship will never be the same! I mean ever since he cheated on me thoughts pop up in my head for no reason and I keep bringing it up to him! I just cantnot get over what he did to me I am still hurt all this happened in August and I am still devasted!
2007-01-08 04:18:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋