Is it proper to make a fuss when accepting money?

Question

I went dinner with my uncle and cousins the other night. This is the second time I have ever met them in my 30 years. The first timewe met my unlce gave me a lot of money. They never establish contact with me; and this second meeting was by my pursuit. I truly want to get to know them as family. I didn't want to seem like I was arranging it because there was an expectation that I'd get some money. He did give me money and I did the whole "fuss" thing where I said "no, i can't take that" even though I ended up doing so. Later a cousin implied that I was rude by doing this; but shouldn't there be a little "back and forth" with anybody when money is offered? Like when friends bicker over who picks up the bill? You should at least act humble and say "no,no" but eventually take it-which I did and was thankful for. What's the call? I always think taking a gift is proper and rude to not, but is putting up a little front also rude?

Answer 1

I think you did just fine and your perceptions on the situation are right on. There's nothing wrong with a little "back and forth" as you say. It ensures that those giving it are giving it freely and that you by not immeadiately accepting show that you are not a leech looking for a handout. As long as all your manners were intact, I see nothing wrong with what you've done. Just my opinion.

Answer 2

This is how I would do it in the future. When you are making the attempt to have dinner/lunch with your uncles and cousins make sure when you invite them to let them know you want to pay the bill. Then once there, if they do offer you money accept it graciously, but after let them know that you don't expect anything but their love and friendship. Obviously they just want good things for you and if bickering upset them then just take a little extra time to explain that as much as you appreciate the cash, it is never expected of them.

Answer 3

I think it would have rude to take the money, shove it in your pocket and say "Thanks, dude" and go back to whatever. Your uncle was gracious to think of you, and you were gracious to not appear a gold-digger and expect money. The back and forth is perfect. I heard a saying once for this called "Refuse twice, then accept graciously".

The cousin is maybe jealous? I don't know. But I say that you handled it well.

Answer 4

I think you were correct in the way you responded. I don't think there should be TOO much back and forth though. I would say one time "Oh Uncle Joe, I can't accept this, it's way too much!" and then when he insisted I would say "Thank you very much, that is so generous of you!" I would follow up with a sincere note of thanks and add to it that next time you insist on treating them for lunch or something to that effect. Maybe your Uncle is just the kind of guy who likes to bestow gifts on his nieces and nephews.

Answer 5

I don't think it's rude to make a fuss, if you really don't want it. What I do think is rude is to arrange a meeting with someone you barely speak to to get money from them. That's called manipulation. Make your own money. If you truly need help (not begging for beer money), at least ask someone you are close to, who you would help in a similar situation.

Answer 6

Personally, I think it is good etiquette to make a little fuss. If you just take it, it looks bad. The giver is intent on giving you the money, so you should take it to avoid embarrassing the giver, especially if the giver is older. But some fuss is good and makes it look like you appreciate the gift.

Answer 7

I think you handled it very well. I would maybe write a note to your Uncle to thank him and maybe let him know if you did something important with the money. As for your cousin you should tell him it is none of his business. You do not need to explain yourself to him!

Answer 8

i just say wow ,thanks, for me ,you sure and in my pocket