Pregnant by a Born Loser?

Question

I found out I'm pregnant by a man that has no ambition, life goals, money, priorities...Here's the situation. I wanted a baby. I'm at a point financially and emotionally I can do this with no worries...I can even be a stay at home mom and still have income coming in. He wants to be involved but also told me 1 month ago he didn't want to have a baby or get married (we'd been talking about it lightly). He will end up bringing nothing to the relationship except drama and mistrust and his ghetto drug and smoking ways. I recently found out he's hanging out with his ex on a regular basis and not telling me (I found out through his mom). He says they are still friends but why would he have to hide it if they are only friends? I feel if he has to lie about this, what else is he lying about? Do you think it's wrong that I want to dump him even though I'm pregnant? What breakup reason should I give without seeming cold. I really don't think he'll be able to benefit us.

It also took about 11 months for me to meet his mom. Other than her, almost a year later, I've never met any of his family or friends.

Answer 1

I'm 5 months pregnant and I just broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. I too found out that he was still in contact with his ex after my request for him to end their inappropriate friendship and after telling me that he wouldn't be talking to her anymore . I got tired of waiting for him to start trying to make our relationship work. If your man is hiding his "friendship" with his ex, then it is safe to believe that their is something more than a friendship going on. There is nothing wrong with dumping him even though you are pregnant. That's what kept me trying for so long, because there is nothing I wanted more than to be with the father of my child. But there is only so much you can take and at this point in your life you should be worrying about your health and the health of the child you are carrying. You shouldn't have to deal with the stress of worrying about whether or not he'll be able to step up. Keep it real with him and if he's not willing to prove that he'll be able to support you and the baby, let him go.

Answer 2

You were planning on getting pregnant and you already knew this guy wasn't good enough to be a father? Come on, you were setting your self up for a big problem! If your financially able to take care of yourself and this baby then do it. You don't have to have the best reason in the world to dump this guy anyway what you have said is enough reason to dump him. He told you he didn't want a baby so what was you thinking? You brought this on your self. Forget him and take care of your self and this baby, you wanted it so deal with it. There are lots of other men out there that know how to be a man hopefully one day you'll find the right guy for you and your baby.

Answer 3

I think you have to go with your gut on this one and your gut is telling you that he's bad news. Don't worry about seeming cold. You ultimately have to do what's best for you and your baby. He is a grown man and can take care of himself. You are not responsible for him. If he is keeping things from you then he is automatically not fully invested in this relationship.

People with kids break up all the time and end up being just fine!! Especially women.

Whatever you do though, don't cut him out of your child's life. But definitely get legal advice immediately about support and a LEGAL custody and visitation arrangement. And whatever you do, stick to it. Don't use your child as leverage against him. Don't talk him down around your child. You have to be mature and be the parent and do what's best for your child even if the father is a loser.

Good luck to you!

Answer 4

You need to do what's right for your baby, and if that means leaving him, by all means do so. However, if he truely wants to be a part of that childs life, he has every right to be. He can have visitation rights or even legal guardianship if he pursues it.

I know this isn't your question, but it seems really irresponsible to get pregnant by someone who you don't want involved in your childs life. If you are financially and emotionally responsible, you can get pregnant through sperm donation. That way you don't have to worry about the father and other legal issues.

Answer 5

Okay, how come I'm seeing all of the people here advising you to dump him and cut him out of the life of his child?

If it was a reverse situation and a man dumped his pregnant girlfriend because she was going to be a bad mother and THEN sue her for custody, he would be labeled a demon.

You procreated with this man, it's only fair to give him a choice and a chance to know his own child.

Even if he is a crappy person, friend, companion...whatever...he *might* be a decent father.

Sounds like you already have your mind made up though...if you want to cut him out of the life of his child completely, don't tell him you're pregnant, refuse to see him and let the news get to him that it belongs to someone else.

Answer 6

This guy will only hurt you and your unborn child. You need to tell him all the things you just told us and tell him that if he wants a part in his baby's life he will have to get off drugs. If he can't pass a drug test then you don't have to let your child around him. Sometimes a baby can really change a mans outlook on life.

Answer 7

it really is a question that has baffled mankind because the daybreak of douchebags, so i wager because the jersey shore got here on, in spite of the undeniable fact that i'd have sworn it truly is been longer... besides, women folk, possessing no experience of fantastic judgment or reason (hence the superiority of fairy thoughts) are below the faulty perception that they could "fix" adult men, and cause them to into the suitable mate and then win kudos and accolades from some thing of the girls folk for "conquering guy". And once each of the ordinary and time disproven techniques have shown unssuccessful (which then supplies them more effective incentive because the guy is "deep" and "complicated"), they opt for the fools gold and imagine that a snot goblin will change them from a not hassle-free participant to a kind hearted father.

Answer 8

Leave him you will be better off anyways, you said you can raise the baby on your own, don't worry about him you have been given a gift, don't let your baby around that kind of drama you want your kid to grow up with respect, morals,goals,etc. Don't let a dead beat dad get in the middle of all that, good luck.

Answer 9

This guy deserves no political correctness. He's already cheating on you. That's good enough reason to dump him. Right now, the most important things in the world for you are YOU and your baby...and he is a detriment to both. Dump him; and if he persists in any way, get a restraining order to keep him away.

Answer 10

Britney Spears, is that you???

Dump him. Dump him and file for custody (if he's really into drugs, etc you'll probably be granted sole custody).
Tell him it's what's best for the baby, because it is. With him out of your life you'll be free to raise the baby in a safe and nurturing environment, and you won't have this guy hanging around so you'll be able to meet nice, successful men.