Depression Q?

Question

Has anyone here with depression ever had a spouse who seemed to just not understand? How in the world do you explain to them the extreme thoughts that go with this disease? How do you make them understand without taking everything so personally? I can't even talk to my husband anymore because I'm afraid of how he will react to everything. Or communication consists of fighting. I know it's mostly my fault, but how do I make him "get it"?

I am starting counseling soon & I was also wondering if my psychiatist will talk to him maybe after a few sessions?

So uh....admitting that there is a problem & admitting that the fault is mostly mine is now "playing the victim"? I hardly believe you are an RN if you think that. Maybe you need to go get some updated schooling.

Answer 1

he probably doesnt mean to take it personally. its hard to see a loved one being upset, you probably want to be alone or are hostile towards him while ur in a depressive stage, and though he knows u have depression, it still just feels hurtful. i myself kind of have/had depression (i was diagnosed with it, yet i havent taken any meds in years, and when im happy w/ life im not actually depressed), and my boyfriend has bipolar disorder(not on meds). so when he is in a bad mood, i know its because of it, but when he's pushing me away, and not letting me be with him, or being hostile, i do take it personally, bc it still hurts. being pushed away by him seems to trigger my depression. i know its bc of the bpd, yet i just cant stop crying over it. he probably does "get it", in theory, but when its happening it still hurts.

Answer 2

Sounds like ur husband needs to educate himself on depression and what ppl go through when they r depressed. Perhaps seeing ur psych doc together would help and the doc could open ur hubs eyes to the signs and symptoms of depression. But ultimately ur husband should want to learn all he can about this. You can tell him everything that goes along with depression but if ur hub isnt wanting to learn about it, im assuming that it would just go in one ear and out the other. Also my dear, dont blame urself for the fighting.. thats probably a 2 way street. Good luck! I would like to add that there r curable kinds of depression and i think the person who answered ur question above me should do some research.

Answer 3

You have placed yourself in a victim's role....hope your therapist can help you see that. Depression is a disorder, not a disease. It is treatable not curable. And most therapists will speak to a spouse at their patient's request. I suspect your hubby "get's it", I also suspect he is tired of you using it as an excuse to behave like an idiot. Get out of being a victim, get treatment, stay in therapy, and hubby will come around. I've dealt with clinical depression for 45 years, I really do understand and know what I am talking about.

Answer 4

Sometimes when people don't go through a certain thing like depressing It can be hard for them to understand but they should be more supportive and caring. It sounds to me like your husband isn't very supportive and caring. You can't make him get it but it's not your fault he can't get it and he's not very supportive of it. You need a man who would help you through depression and be supportive.

Answer 5

i have the same problem i get depresed all the time for no reson at random times but i sat her down one day and told her that i get that way for some reason and she didnt understand but she knows when it happens that she stops everything and holds me and make me happy again by saying sweet thing and making jokes so you need to try and explan it to him or get some meds to help with it if u need any more Q's then u can email me ill be happy to talk to you and try and help you

Answer 6

Lots of psychiatrists will do joint sessions to help a spouse understand. Bring up these concerns with your Dr on your first visit and ask if they'll do it.

Answer 7

Your husband obviously has nothing close to unconditional love for you, and is seriously prejudiced against depression.
And if you continue to believe it's "your fault", you're just setting yourself up to be a target for unsympathizers like your husband

Answer 8

Remember that big conversation you had with yourself, in which you vowed to lose weight or find a new career or start exercising?

Do things always seem to get in the way of accomplishing even the simplest of goals like calling potential clients? If you find yourself in the intellectual zone and not the productive zone, I have some ideas for you to think about if you're willing to break out of your personal "comfort zone".

What is it that separates productive people from those who for whatever reason are unable to be all that they would like to be?

It is an irony to be sure, but our comfort zones can actually bring about a great deal of discomfort when they keep us from accomplishing things that are important to us. Productivity is fueled by self-talk. Self-talk is nothing more than thoughts, but thoughts have the power to motivate or cripple us.

What we believe to be true about our environment and ourselves is derived from our core beliefs, which is the most accurate predictor of all for happiness, contentment and success. Comfort zones usually feel familiar and predictable and that is what makes them comfortable, not the experiences or outcomes associated with them.

That is why it is possible to get stuck in a comfort zone even when it is extremely uncomfortable or painful being there. It has been said in many different ways that the brain can only truly focus on one thing at a time.

If your focus is say, losing weight, but one of your core beliefs is that you are unattractive, your brain will go into overdrive processing all the competing messages and negative self-talk, which will cause you to become distracted from your focus and robbed of the energy you need to be successful.

Allowing negative thoughts and emotions to rule our interior keeps us from being productive and happy. If you are wondering how to breakthrough situations like this, it is often helpful to just take a moment and really listen to what you are saying to yourself.

Really hear it. Taking a non-judgmental position, ask yourself if the negative message is really true or a faulty core belief that has no basis in reality.

Next, ask yourself whether the old thought patterns of discouragement originated from someone in your past. If so, then put it in the proper perspective and decide on a replacement message that more accurately describes who you are.

Encourage yourself >>

Encourage yourself to reinforce the new message over and over again when you stumble. Negative messages can paralyse us with indecision. But being able to make decisions is a huge part of being productive. There comes a point when it is time to stop collecting information and get into action.

Let's face it; we are all human and there are no perfect human beings. And the simple truth is that no matter what you do, someone is not going to like it! But making decisions that are sound and right for you are essential components to living a meaningful life.

If you find that you are dealing with a faulty core belief, you will recognise it for the old baggage it is by comparing the degree of your reaction to the severity of the incident. If your reaction is out of proportion to the situation, you can pretty much bank on it being old baggage.

So get rid of the baggage if you are interested in changing your life. Those who have worked through their baggage are usually pro-active.

So, if it is a new career you are interested in, take action! Get your resume updated, check out the newspaper classified ads, or start networking with friends and colleagues. By listening to the signals your intuition sends you and taking an action on its behalf, you will automatically feel stronger and more confident.

That is what comes of being true to your self. It's not listening to your truth that is depressing and destructive. Also, take stock of the community of people you choose to be around. Do you spend your time with people who hate their jobs, who only work for the paycheck and sit around waiting for a better life to happen to them?

Get out of there! Don't allow yourself to be contaminated by that kind of energy. I have a group of peers who are all very interested in continuous improvement that I meet with once a week.

Spending time together is a good way to reinforce our values. Guess what? These people tend to hang out with other like- minded people as well, because they know that the people you hang around with affects your overall productivity.

Finally, you may need to eliminate something in your current schedule to free up the time and effort you will need to do this work and accomplish your goals. Be honest with your self; make a list of the things you can do by yourself, acknowledge your limitations and then respect the boundaries between.