Problems with love again...?

Question

I have written here a while ago. About my ex-boyfriend who is turkish and the problems we've had. Eventually he broke up and now (AGAIN!!) he wants to get back with me. This must have been the 5th time he broke up with me and came back. I don't know if he's serious or just fooling around with me. Last time i saw him he even started crying about how much he loves me. I really dont know what to do. We've been together for 2 years and a half and broke up at the end of november. Its a long time. I don'tknow if i love him anymore or i am just hanging on to the past. I could really use some realistic opinion. is he crazy or just cannot make his goddamn mind?

If he's playing with me then why is he putting so much effort in getting me back and crying and all that? Even hsi friends told me hes quite unhappy. i don't know...i feel bad

Answer 1

My personal opinion on break-ups/make-ups is that if the person really loved you and was sure about being with you, then they would stay during the hard times too. If they run at the first sign of trouble, then they won't stay even if you eventually got married. Then what would you do? In general, people who do what he's doing, are either afraid of commitment or else they are continually searching for something better. Then when they don't find it, they come back to you, because they know you are waiting and will always take them back.
You need to take a serious look at what you are getting from this relationship during the time you two are together. Is it going in the direction that will fulfill any or all of your personal goals? Are you happy for the vast majority of the time with him? Does he have any goals and are they such that you both can benefit from them?
If the answer to ANY of these questions is no, then I would think long and hard about continuing it. Two and half years is long enough to know the answers to these and other important questions.
And finally, before you take him back again, my strong advice to you is to make him sit and wait on you to decide this time if you want him back. He is using you as a hitching post whenever he gets tired of running around elsewhere. I have rarely in my life gotten back together after the 2nd time, and never after the 3rd. What you have to do is take charge this time and decide if you really want him back. If the answer is yes, then discuss the on-again/off-again problems as you see them. Demand some real heart-felt answers from him. If he can't or won't give them to you, then forget him! You've given him enough chances to decide if he wants you and he hasn't decided yet! Now make him wait for as long as it takes for you to make an informed decision. Just missing him is not enough reason to take him back. (Of course you miss him, he's been there for most of 2-1/2 years.) Tell him that if he is willing to wait on you to make a decision, then you will, for better or for worse (in his case). And stick to your decision, no matter what his reaction might be. After you have been apart for awhile, then your head will clear and you will see things more as they really are and not how you want them to be. If he does love you, then he'll wait. If he doesn't then you haven't lost anything except a major headache.

You make a good point when asking if you're just hanging on to the past. Think about the questions I've asked you, and then answer that part for yourself. It's very easy to go back to the familiar things even if they exist in a rut. That's how older couples sometimes get to the point that it's easier to be with someone just because they are used to them (not because they still truly love them), than it is to go out and make the effort to find someone new. Later in life, they regret staying in the dead end situation that they found comfortable.
Don't be one of them and DON'T continue letting him use you as a convenient stopping point when he feels like landing for a while.
Force him to make a decision about you (not for you) and grow up. If he can't do that then you have no future anyway.

Good Luck!!!


In response to your additional details: Why won't he put that much effort into STAYING rather than coming back? Don't fall for the BS tears and his friends telling you anything. They'll say whatever he wants them to and of course he's unhappy, his temporary layover is now not so available!

Just for the record, I'm a guy. And as I know that good men are hard to find, so are good women. I've been through this same scenario, but I let it go on for 7 years, through a marriage, and then when she was FINALLY gone for good, wondered why in the hell I was so stupid as to let it continue and waste my time for that long?!

Answer 2

Honey, you need to cut this guy out of your life! You need to be the one to put an end to this little game he's playing with you! And don't let those little tears fool you either, if he loved you he wouldn't keep hurting you like this. He seems to be trying to see just how much you will take from him. I would just tell him good bye and never talk to him again, he's playing you for what reason I don't know but I would stop it. There's a guy out there for you who isn't going to play some fools game with you but you'll never know about him until you cut this fool loose. Good luck Honey, run and run fast, he's not worth another minute of your time.

Answer 3

After the second time I would have just moved on. Seems like he is playing games with you and trying out new things and when he realizes the grass is not always greener he comes back to you. Do yourself a favor and move on, you guys are just too comfortable with each other. And if you are not sure if you really love him then you don't.

Answer 4

IF you dont feel the same for him sweets, and he is doing all this jerking you around... I would dump him. Move on. There has got to be someone more stable out there for you who isnt going to KEEP giving up on you like this ever other month. It sounds a little immature, and seems like you dont want to put up with his crap anymore. Move on. See what else is out there for you. Good luck