Late Social Invitation- Rude?

Question

This past weekend- a primarily social friend of mine and my husbands- sent us an email with a .pdf invitation to a wine tasting as a local wine bar. The invite was something that we would have been very interested in attending- had we not received the invite 3.5 hours before the event started. (We have small children and usually need to get a sitter with a couple of days notice.) This person does not have children or a spouse- and is the same age as us. (35-40) I sent him a note, via email- half in jest and half for practicalities sake- to say- "Although we appreciate the invite- we usually need more than -- ummm..3.5 hours notice to attend an event. Thanks anyway! Maybe next time..." and he wrote back- "Whatever. The honor is in the invite!!" Am I wrong to feel like he is rude?

Answer 1

I would have felt and done exactly what you did. The honor was not in the invite. It was outright rude.

Answer 2

I think his response to your email to him was a little off. However, your email does sound more than a little sarcastic, and the "tone" of his email may have been a response to that. If you guys aren't close friends with this person, he may have simply forgotten to send you an invite in the mail but thought you would be more offended if you didn't receive one at all. I know I've forgotten people that I obviously should not have forgotten. For example, I threw a surprise party for my husband this past weekend. Who did I forget? Our neighbor, who he hangs out with quite often, and it's not at all that I don't like the guy. In fact, he was one of the only people I was going to miss when we moved out of that house a couple of weeks ago. I did send him an invitation, a little late. I've even forgotten some family members before. This is easy to do, especially when there is a large number of people. I think this is because the host/ess puts so much thought into not excluding anyone they aren't the closest to, that they oversee some people who are closer. I wouldn't be offended by the late invite, unless you're the only couple this person does this to, and it happens a lot. However, if he's normally good about inviting you in advance, then I would just mark this one up as an oversight. How would you have felt if you found out later about it and got no invitation. This person also, and I know you know this, doesn't understand the planning it takes when you have kids.

Answer 3

Yes, some what rude, and his response is very rude. Last minute invitations make the recipient think that they are not the first choice for a guest, that someone else cancelled, and the late invited people are just replacements. Your response should have got you an apology for the late invite, or at least an explanation on why it was so late. He is a little stuck on himself, for mentioning that it is an honor to be invited, that is something that is supposed to be understood, and not be brought up by the host, if he had better manners, he would know that. Here's how that goes: "thank you, friend, we are honored by the invitation." the response is: "no, it is my honor."
There is a way to do a last minute invite: "hey, Bob and Jane, we are all meeting at the wine bar at 7pm, real last minute, but the bar is really empty tonight."
Your response might have been interpreted as a little rude, too, "Sorry, we can't get a babysitter on short notice, thanks for thinking of us anyway, maybe next time" would have stated your problem, and thanked the friend for the honor. Humor sometimes gets misinterpreted, especially in e-mails. and he would have known, for the future, not to invite you to last minute parties.
The ball is in your court, if you want to apologize for the misunderstanding, or not.

Answer 4

I like Sara G's answer. In this case, I think that both of the e-mails in question were possibly perceived as rude. E-mail is really easy to mess up this way -- the original tone is easy to miss. Is it possible your friend was joking about the "honor" and you didn't get the joke?

Next time you get an invitation like this, you can say something like, "We really appreciate the invitation and would love to go, but we're not able to get child care on such short notice. Please let us know if you find out about any more events like this in the future."

Answer 5

Sarcasm is not always easily read in an email. Next time pick up the phone and be sure that each of you know the exact tone of voice you are using. And yes, he was wrong to have waited until 3.5 hours before the event. You win.

Answer 6

Yeah, it's rude. That's why married people and single people can't maintain relationships. It falls apart eventually. I'm surprised he is that old and can't concepualize and be sympathetical to your situation. I wonder why you would have not so smart friends like that. I'm only 25 and would know to give my friends a week or so notice (which I do for things and we're all single-it's just courtesy). If it's a last minute thing I would call you guys to see what your situation is and if you showed interest in going would help you find a sitter and arrangements-whatever I could do to increase the probability of you going. He should have been apologetic, not reprimanding.

Answer 7

he is terribly rude! and sounds like he thinks pretty highly of himself. no wonder he is single. your response was on target and to me sounds like it was an intentional "omission" of you two. were there others who were invited? i would be curious? if so, when were their invites received, if it was a reasonable time, (at least 2 days-preferably 5), then i would take the message as a loud and clear slap..maybe he had a last minute cancellation, and you were the next in line, if so, you are better than that. why are you to feel honored?. What a schmuck! certainly not an honor to be in that kind of company, i wonder if feels he has honored you by attending a function you have hostessed and he has attended. there are enough normal folk, who know etiquette out there to spend your time with

Answer 8

I think you were more rude by responding the way you did, than he was for inviting you last minute. He obviously was thinking of you, and you spit in his face for it. Sometimes plans come together at the last minute and that can't be helped. You can't expect a big group of people to provide special accommodations for you. Would you rather he just ignored you? If I were him, I certainly would ignore you from now on...

Answer 9

No he was rude. he probably feels stupid. when people feel this way they usually try to pass it off on someone else, instead of just apologizing, so he tried to make you feel like an unappreciative jerk. It worked, now you're feeling bad. This is what guys do, when you should be mad at him, he turns it around and somehow turns your anger into apologies. Don't feel bad and DON'T apologize to him.

Answer 10

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