i'm married,28 2 kids own home,car etc. and my mother is awful to me,she thinks she helps me loads and that i take the piss,in actual fact i'm scared to ask her a favour,cos i get shouted at for no apparrent reason,my sister on the other hand can do no wrong,my mother minds her baby at least one day a week while she is at work,my sister's husband doesn't work. I can't win i take her places in the car and spend time with her but i'm starting to wonder why and if she's actually holding me back . I had my son at 19 and she's always interferred my relationship with him has suffered tremendously through this. I have tried to talk to her for at least 8 years about this problem,but she shouts me down as if i'm being silly,i know she's my mother but i do feel like cutting her off compleatly,if it wasn't for the annual chance she might do me a fovour i would,help.
2007-01-08 03:06:09 · 11 answers · asked by heebygeeby 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
its a nightmare, my mother can be the same. shes also great at playing the victim....i got alot of practice saying "sorry" when i was growing up, and because of that i have no backbone whatsoever! (which she also yells at me for)
but all in all, she is your mother. i love mine very much even if she does get right on my nerves....you only have one, so its worth trying to salvage. maybe you could try cutting her out, until she learns you've had enough. over the years ive had to be firmer to make her understand and it has worked. if it hadnt, i dont think we'd talk even now.
give it a shot, its worth a bit of effort. good luck hun xxxx
2007-01-08 05:15:04 · answer #1 · answered by hana woo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well her behaviour does sound totally unacceptable and I would suggest you at least stop seeing her for a while. My mother used to be awful to me when I was quite young (I'm 40 plus now) and it was only when I responded by walking out on her and not contacting her for a while that she started behaving better.
Your mother never does you any favours - she is making you pay in blood for everything she does. Actually she sounds a little like my ex-husband who did loads of stuff for me, not out of love, but so that he would have a stick to beat me with.
I think if I were in your shoes I would cut her out. You would need to explain to your son that you are doing this though, and I think it should be his choice whether to see her or not. Just explain to him that you and your mother can't get along and you have decided not to see her any more. Don't bad mouth her to him, and if he chooses to see her, don't talk about her at all. He might come back from her place having a go at you e.g. saying "Grandma is really upset that you're not talking to her" etc. If so, just say calmly "I've already explained to you why I don't see Grandma anymore. The subject is closed." Don't let her use him to get at you but make it clear that her behaviour is having consequences and it's her own fault.
I would at least stop taking her out places and being so available for her. You've tried talking but she won't communicate like a rational adult, so yes, I would cut her off.
2007-01-08 11:28:03 · answer #2 · answered by Specsy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm fortunate to have two wonderful loving parents. My rule of thumb with family members is don't accept anything from them that you wouldn't accept from a stranger. If your mom is treating you unfairly call her on it. Try talking to her about it one more time in a calm rational manner. She may be unaware of how her behavior is affecting you. Parents often forget that their children are free thinking individuals! If nothing changes and she still won't cut you any slack, it's very sad to say but you may be better off keeping contact with her at a minimum. There comes a time when you have to put your own life ahead of other people's feelings.
2007-01-08 12:17:59 · answer #3 · answered by ♪ ♫Jin_Jur♫ ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut her out!!! She is treating you like you are still a child. My mum does exactly the same (although she doesn't have the nerve to shout at me!!). What is the worse thing that can happen? You might need something and she won't provide it? Doesn't seem to me like you are getting much anyway. Best off on your own mate. She will come running back with her tail between her legs once you stop bothering with her. Trust me!
2007-01-08 11:12:03 · answer #4 · answered by Sue F 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
at times
2007-01-08 14:29:32 · answer #5 · answered by b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your 28 years old so pick your own life and if mama doesn't agree so what and if you feel so strong about it all don't visit her but don't stop her coming to see you but don't make her visit a pleasure she might then stop to think about her attitude toward you, but keep it sociable don't raise your voices be adult all the way you will have nothing to reproach yourself for
2007-01-08 16:20:25 · answer #6 · answered by srracvuee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex-wife atempted to murder me and all my mother would say is "you have to understand how she was raised". So I can relate to what your saying. Keep your conversations with her short and when you think you need her PRETEND SHE IS DEAD.and find another solution you'll be surprissed you will find you don't need the B.S.
2007-01-08 11:33:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would not call her my mother....more like an egg donor is best describing her
2007-01-08 15:20:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
have patience for mothers sake
2007-01-08 11:14:28 · answer #9 · answered by anis118030 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My momma can b a b***h!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sometimes but other time my momma is my best friend.
2007-01-08 11:11:33 · answer #10 · answered by Murders Princess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋