My daughter used to be really good friends with this girl...?

Question

But then became good friends with another. The three of them hung out all the time but the 1st girl started problems. She would say this one talked about this one when it didn't happen, etc.She started get really mean last year to my daughter, nasty emails, talking about her,forwarding emails of her talking about my daughter, pressuring the other girl to stop being friends. It lasted a while, I tried to contact the mom about it but she never answered me until it spilled over in school and the girls got into a fight there ansd she still blew me off. After a while, it blew over. My daughter learned to ignore her and move on but still be nice to her to avoid problems. They talk in school but do not hang out The other girl is still good friends with her. My problem is that her bday is coming up and I do not want to invite her and my daughte but the girls that are invited are all friends with her.I am afraid if we don't invite her, she will be mean to her again. any suggestions?

Answer 1

You will get a lot of psychological approaches on this. Bottom line: Girls are mean; and more than anything they are very manipulative. Invite the little brat to keep things civil, if she doesn't show up: good riddance, if she shows up, then you'll tolerate her for a couple of hours and be a good hostess. Make no mistake: If you don't invite her the entire thing will start all over again. There is also the big possibility that whatever frustration or insurity she was taking out on your daugther has come out of her system (or she may simply matured), but excluding her might re-ignite those old insecurities and your girl will be at the receiving end of her anger.

Luckily things has calmed down, your goal should be to try to keep it that way for the sake of sparing your daughter. Are they in school together? Hopefully soon they'll either be in different schools or graduate and it will all be behind her. The most important thing to do is to make your daughter feel loved, cared for, and safe. Even more than how this little brat tortured her, what she'll remember most is how her mom did her best to protect her and love her. During the party make sure your daugther has a great party and enjoys herself, do not draw any attention to this issue before, during or after the party. Good luck!

Answer 2

You did not say exactly how old your daughter is but, I have a daughter in the 7th grade and around 4th or the 5th grade is when little girls began to get vicious. You really have to attack it head on! It is really a form of bullying... You have to communicate with all parents and administrators at the school via email, letters and phone calls. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!

Your daughter's birthday is HER DAY and she should be able to fully enjoy the experience. My suggestions is to NOT invite Little Miss Nasty.

I mean the Little Miss Nasty does not like your daughter, she has bullied your daughter and tried to convince others to do the same. She need not be rewarded for that! Hey, would you invite her to your party?

If you are afraid that perhaps your daughter will experience some negative reactions from not inviting the Little Miss Nasty just tell your daughter to communicate to her friends that the Little Miss Nasty has shown her that she does not want or care to be her friend and that's OKAY! Everyone has a choice to like whoever they want to like! But, for her Birthday she would like to invite and be surrounded by those that truly want to be there to celebrate her special day!

Honesty is always effective. I hope I helped... I have been through this! I had to learn how to help my daughter become stronger, identify true friends, stand up for herself, verbalize her feelings without having to fight physically and feel good about JUST BEING HERSELF! Whew! Things are alot better now!

P.S. My daughter and I became closer from the experience and that was nice!

Answer 3

That's a tough one. Have you talked to your daughter about it to get her input? If she's fine with you inviting her and you personally can put everything aside, then perhaps it will turn out to be okay. If your daughter doesn't want her there, then don't worry about it. Kids are stonger than most ppl give them credit for. If the other girl starts with trying to be a bully again and your daughter can handle it, let her. Remember, you can't protect them forever even though I know you wish you could. I have 4 daughters and have had to deal with similar situtations. Just know that at some point, you have to trust in their decisions. Be there to guide them, but don't interfere - they have to learn how to handle things now so they can be leaders in life, not followers.

Answer 4

I suggest you invite her, and watch her reactions. If she tries to be create problems, then ask you daughter to keep that girl ata distance. Some times, kids tend to behave in this manner, but when they become mature, they understand the difference between trivial behaviour and actual fights. Maybe that girl was feeling insecure. And did not want to lose your daughter's friendship.

So, try to be open and start with a clean slate. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't take long to shut her off. But I feel, you should give her a chance

Answer 5

What does your daughter want to do? It is her birthday and she should have some say on who is invited. If she wants her to come, invite her. If she comes and starts to act up, send her home. Also, if she comes, you could have your chance to talk to her parents about their problem. I would not say she is being mean to your daughter. I would say something like "so, what are we going to do with our little girls acting up in school like they have". You could also keep quiet about it and let the girls work it out on their own.

Answer 6

Just invite her if she doesn't really like your daughter then she won't come. It sucked being that age I remember it well how truly mean teenage girls can be. My girls went through the same issues. Just continue to be supportive this is a tough age for girls. Good Luck
momof4

Answer 7

I had a similar problem before.. What I ended up doing was inviting this devil friend LOL and just kept telling myself that if she started problems I would just send her home. It ended up she was very well behaved and got along with everyone. Does your daughter want her there? LOL if she's like mine she'll say no but don't want the problems to start again either..

Answer 8

this is ridiculous is there something occurring between you 2? i propose some silent fake smile in ur face wanna hit u in the pinnacle feud. ... Why did you point out she did no longer look fascinated once you informed her you had a canine and why did you fail to show the call? I propose in case you adult adult males are good pals meaning something stupid like this would possibly not carry any heavy thoughts best? You propose its been 3 months because of the fact the beginning and you found out the call of the infant by using somebody else so which you probably did no longer had the prospect to tell her oh what a twist of fate i named my canine the comparable ingredient i.......... why isn't that easy? it could be once you're rather pals.

Answer 9

I wouldn't invite her--Why send her the message that it was okay to be mean to your daughter ad blow you off and now get invited to your daughter's birthday party? No way--She will lose all respect for your daughter and you--adn there is no guarantee that she will not be mean even if you do invite her--Don't reward bad behavior--Now--if she has totally changed--is repentant--adn is nice to your daughter now--well--that's another story--everyone deserves a second chance--But is sounds more like you are just afraid of her--like if you don't invite her--she'll cause trouble--Forget her then--have your daughter learn to appreciate adn recognize those who treat her well--adn to remove those who treat her poorly--If she learns this simple lesson now--she will be very lucky---Don't teach her to be a people pleaser out of fear--it is not worth it...

Answer 10

I've been dealing with the same situation for about 5 years. I have decided that if we do public things like roller skating, etc, she can join us, but if there are things in my home the "problem kid" isn't invited. My job is to make my daughter's life enjoyable and I don't have the energy to worry about this other kid.