why am I so insecure in my relationship?

Question

I am 43 and feel very insecure with my girlfriend we both have children and I met her when she was just coming out of an unhappy marriage of 18 yrs where she was neglected and made to feel like she did not matter . I know he was very distant toward her . During her marriage she told that she had two affairs with other married men because she wanted to feel like someone cared about her and felt trapped and could not leave him. she ended her last affair shortly before they seperated . we have been together for over a year and we both love each other deeply and our kids get along great and we want to possibly move in together but in the back of my mind I am worried that she will cheat on me , she never has but my imagination sometimes gets the best of me when I am at work and she is running errands or at work . She has never led me to believe that she is cheating and our relationship is great and she said she has never felt love like ours and would never cheat why do I worry then

Answer 1

You may want to seek one of the partners counciling weekend getaways.

They help to guide you with your mate in and thru the "dark" areas of your relationship.

Group participation is sometimes throughout the session.
You cover alot if the session is worth it's weight.

Check with some local churchs to see if they have information on a retreat getaway.

Check 1st.-make sure it has nothing to do with the church trying to suck you in.Just check to mk. sure this is not their agenda.

This retreat should be entirely about helping the two of you come together and having a bond that's tighter than ever.

Answer 2

It seems your putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Insecurities really stem from how you percieve yourself and if you believe in yourself. Being open, positive, funny and consolable will not make you less insecure. I'm open, positive, funny and consolable and I deal with insecurities too. In the end, you are who you are. And you know what, everyone, including you, has positive qualities. Focus on those. Some of these could be loyal, honest, not controlling, persevering, hard working and dedicated to your future's success... Those are good qualities that make you a great person. Also, it seem you'r a very capable person. Just the fact your looking out for help means a lot. It means you believe there is a way to work things out. I personally thing your on the right track. Don't give up, I know by experience it takes time. But slowly, trough life experiences, you will come to realize more and more just what your truly capable of.

Answer 3

Your insecure because you know the truth of her past. Look at the situation from this angel. She didn't have to tell you about the affairs. That could of been one of the closet secrets that never get told, but she trusted, and loved you enough to tell you the truth and the reason why. We all go through life knowing that the one we are married to is going to see another beauitiful person and is going to talk to another person that is interesting to talk to but stepping over that line is the limit. Both knowing and understanding that cheating would, without a doubt, be the one thing that would end a relationship no questions asked, would make either of you think twice before crossing the boundry that can never be crossed back over. I believe that their has to be a understanding and sincere feeling that both know. Jealousy can also kill a relationship. Some is healthy and probably spunk up your sexual relationship, but too much is also a relationship killer also.

Answer 4

You're probably insecure b/c of what she has disclosed about her past relationship, and are worried that the same thing could happen to you. It seems like a natural concern that anyone would experience in the same situation. However, it sounds like you have a good communication with your girlfriend and that will be the key to resolving many obstacles. It's impt. that you let her know your concerns and the importance you place on fidelity. Maybe if she had been able to communicate w/her former spouuse the issues in her marriage might not have been so difficult. She was honest about her affairs in her past marriage and that seems like a good sign. Consider whether you would have known about her history had it not been freely given to you. Continue communicating and this relationship may be everything you dream about it becoming. Good Luck

Answer 5

You worry because she's done it before. Maybe she really has given up her cheating ways now that she's in a positive relationship, but you're not crazy for being worried. I'd be open with her and discuss your concerns. she may accuse you of not trusting her, but isn't that the point? You don't trust her. And I'm not sure how far a relationship can go without that trust factor. I wouldn't consider moving in with her until you've got that settled in your mind. Why open yourself and your children up to so much hurt? Take it slow...let the trust build....talk it out...there's no rush!! Good Luck

Answer 6

when a woman says she is feeling really loved and is happy then she means it most of the time. women need emotional security more than anything else which often their husband or boyfriend are able to give. if you say you are in a good relationship with her and she is happy then it means she is really happy and has no reasons to stray . she is trusting you completely to tell you how she feels.

even if you are not able to trust her completely and it is becoming difficult for you to go on have some patience. try giving it more time get all the facts and only then confront her about it.

worrying about such things unnecessarily and doubting her without reason will only break your relationship and will make you feel guilty about it later if you find her to be a good person and not like how you suspected her to be.

Answer 7

One thing you should have never got involved with her because of the fact ,that she needed time to be out of her marriage for at least a year or two,have you ever heard of rebounding, sounds like she crabbed you on the rebound, because she was afraid to be alone with kids. But since it has already happened, i wouldn't even think about marrying her til she has had a change to be on her own and heal. You still go through pain of a loss,just like a death. But you will make matters worse by not trusting. Set her free to heal.

Answer 8

You worry because you don't trust her, plain and simple. Give her some credit, that's my New Year's Resolution, you know, give people a second chance. People can change. She's the same woman, I know, but in a totally different situation. She's in a loving relationship with someone whom she believes actually loves and trusts her. Pray and don't forget to be open with her. Tell her what you feel because if you don't, the devil's advocate that lives inside you will eventually destroy the good thing you got going on with her. Good luck.

Answer 9

u just feel insecure cause she already cheat on someone. but u gotta understand that not all relationships are the same. when a person is not feeling loved she/he tries to find what they dont have in someone else. but ur saying that your relationship is great, so why worried. continue showing her ur love, u guys will be fine. u gotta trust her, and make her feel like she's the only one for u

Answer 10

Because it's a relationship, and relationships can drive you nuts, especially if your girlfriend has had affairs in the past. But if you really do love each other, and your relationship grows, the insecurities should fade with time.