Her behavior?

Question

I have a friend who I would do anything for. She and I have been through a lot together and I have ALWAYS been there for her when she needed me. I recently got engaged and my parents announced it to a bunch of friends over for dinner one night (herself included). Her entire demeanor changed and she ended up leaving early. She didn't even really congratulate me. And ever since she hasn't called me as much (eventhough I've called her) and has been really distant. The last time we talked she was telling me how people shouldn't even bother getting married because everyone ends up divorcing anyway and how people in general should be "really sure" if they want to get married in a church to someone. This really hurt my feelings as I felt she was totally saying this to me indirectly. Why would you say that to your best friend? I have been with my fiance for 3 years now and she, if anyone, knows how happy we are. Then why is she acting so mean to me? What should I do?

She is single and was seeing a married man. That obviously didn't work out. I invited her out for dinner over the weekend and she didn't call me once. I feel like she is acting so fake toward me and it's so mean cause I've always been the first one she's called when she needed anything at all.

Answer 1

i think she is a biatch cuz when u have a best friend that u really love u dont have those jealosy feelings andif u do u'll at least try for ur friend not to notice. and if is true that u've been there for her the least she can do is be there 4 u now. so i think she is not worth even worrying about, if she ever apologizes then maybe u can give her another chance but if not hten 4get her. and u dont have to go talk to her, she is the one who acted wrong so if if she has somehting to tell u then let her but dont go after her u did nothing wrong.

Answer 2

Sounds to me like there are a number of things going on. First of all, she doesn't want to lose you as a friend. It is not at all uncommon for people to stop hanging out with single friends once they become involved in serious relationships- simply because the significant other is now fulfilling that need and because couples tend to gravitate toward other couples. She may also be jealous of your happiness with him. Based on what she has said to you, she may have been badly burned in the past. To maintain your friendship with her, I would wait about three weeks or when she attempts to contact you- whichever comes first. Then, make a point of spending time with her. Do let her meet your man, but make sure you have days where it is just you and her as well. And during the one-on-one times, don't discuss your man unless she brings it up first. Hard, I know, but it will pay off in the long run when it comes to your friendship.

Answer 3

2 scenarios

1st
She is scared of loosing you and thinks that once you are married you will spend more time with your man etc, planning a family and all that stuff

2nd
She knows something about your man that you don't, could there have been something between them? Or could she know that he has cheated? Is hiding something from you?

You should really sit down and talk to her, let her know you still care for her and reassure that men come and go but best friends are forever and all those nice things.

I hope she is just scared of the fact that you may change towards her and that is why she is distant. Perhaps she is a little jealous...

Good luck and I hope all works out for the best. x

Answer 4

Sounds like jealousy and resentment to me - exactly the same thing is happening with a couple of people I know. One is desperately jealous and thinks that the fiance is going to "take away" her dear friend. I think she wishes she could be as happy.

Why don't you plan something with just the two of you? That way you can introduce the wedding, ask if she wants to be involved, maybe do a reading or something. If she responds negatively you then have the route to ask if she has a problem with you getting married. If she is positive, maybe it will cheer her up.

Answer 5

I think it is possible that maybe your friend is jealous, also maybe she is afraid once you get married your two's friendship will not be the same! I would tell her that she is your best friend and you will always feel close to her no matter what. I would have that talk with her just during a lunch or dinner with just the two of you! I would understand how that would hurt your feeling a good friend not being supportive of your relationship with your fiancee! I would try that and maybe she will calm down about your friendship with her, and she just might be more supportive of your relationship with your fiancee!

Answer 6

Does she have a boyfriend??? Does any man love her???? if not she is alone and she is about to loose her best friend.. you! Has your boyfriend been having sex with her? Or does she know of him having sex with someone else and has not told you because she does not want to break your heart? Do not talk about this on the phone, go in person and ask her. She is probably acting mean to you to soften the blow if you either leave her as a friend or are angry with her for something she has done or not done. Just remember to forgive is divine. And if its simply that she is alone you need to help her find a man... or woman, ever thought about that? the key is to talk about her......

Answer 7

First thing that comes to mind...jealousy. Is she having some trouble in the romance area maybe? It's really too bad she can't jut be happy for you. You do need to sit down and calmly talk things out with her. Ask her (not accusing) why she is acting that way? Reassure her that your still gonna be friends even after you get married. She may be afraid of losing you.

Answer 8

she may be worried that you may not spend as much time with her my i have ben with my fiance for 3 yeas and we are getting married this summer wewhen i first met her famliy her neice diden't like but we took her to the mall litasha went to the restroom and her neice wanted to go to spencers so i took her and said is there any thing you want i would haver bought her anything so she looked ande i said that i was not here to take aunt away from her and if you ever want to talk to her or see her just ask and i will try and make that happen she was 10 years old
all she wanted was some bracelets they were less than 2$ we get along good now

Answer 9

Why don't you invite your friend over for a girly night in, and plan the evening around the things she likes doing, then open up the conversation, about how you are feeling. explain to her how her behaviour is baffling to you, seeing as she's your best friend and all. I would also ask her if anything is upsetting her, because it sounds as if she might be upset about something. Good Luck, I hope you and your friend sort it out, you need your friend especially at a time like this.

Answer 10

One of the constants in life is the U-factor( pronounced "you.")
It is unfortnate for both psycholgy and philosophy that one cannot fully transcend one's own point of view. What this means is that your friend is really trying to tell you something about herself that she would never "directly" say to anyone, even if she knew how. It seems to me that she has had a serious problem dealing with a divorce in her life, archetypically, one would suggest it be her parents. Thus, everything she voiced in her opinion reflects that she thinks the idea of marriage IN ITSELF is bad. She has generalized her experience, and now she is confronted by a conflict of her long standing friendship with you and her probably long standing issue with marriage. In life development, two the crisises she would be expected to be dealing with right now would be "idenity vs. role confusion," and "intimacy vs. isolation."
Right now, she has taken a significant step toward resolving the second crisis in that she has been able to reveal these feeling to you however indirectly. The best thing for you to do would be the reassure her that she still has a "role," or place in your life.
Best of luck. Friendship is worth it.

Answer 11

It's hard to say anything without the other side of the story but I would suspect jealousy.
I'm guessing she isn't married (or even with a boyfriend?) and she's got herself in a twist because she's feeling left behind.

That said, how you deal with her is another matter. Lots of pople will say talk to her about it, but how do you open up that kind of chat?

I'd let her get on with her little paddy and keep inviting her out and talking about it. She'll get over it (especially when she couples up)