My bf is an asshole sometimes, but other times he's the sweetest. should i do something?

Question

he wants me to lose weight for him (when he first wanted it i weighed about 125, at 5', still wants me to lose more n im 115). we have these awful arguments where he never backs down, no matter how wrong he is, bc he needs to win every argument ever, and somehow he does bc i get sick of crying over it. he calls me stupid a lot... he kinda 'rapes' me- i'll tell him that i really don't want it cuz it hurts sometimes after too much u know, but he still does it. , he's an overly friendly person, meaning he's very touchy feely w/ his female friends. but he's also the sweetest guy i've ever met. he says he cares about me and loves me and he is just the best bf i've ever had, and i love him to death. there's so much good in our relationship, but the bad stuff just makes me cry soo much. oh, and if a gf slaps her bf, should the bf slap back? idk, i guess its ok. just want some opinions. oh and he's like my only friend at my college and if i lose him i will really have no one at all.

i forgot to mention its the best sex in the world.

he is in for a long term relationship. he said he wants to be w/ me for all of college, and then see where it goes (we're freshmen). i didn't list all the good but there really is so much.

oh, and its not actually an abusive relationship! the 'rape' isnt real rape, its just guys need sex sometimes, they're guys. and he only slaps me back, never first. it's not real abuse at all. and most of the time i am happy.

oh, ok. i may have left out something else that's important. when i got to college, n met him, i already had a bf in a diff college. i cheated on him w/ my current bf. i lost someone i really cared about for this guy, so thats more incentive to stay.

Answer 1

I just read your addtional details. so disregard what's written below. You deserve whatever you get for cheating on your first bf and being one of those stupid girls who goes for the bad guy persona. Tell your bf to go ahead and slap you around- you deserve it and he knows it.

You're setting yourself to get physically hurt. He has no respect for you and will keep abusing you. When he abuses you, those are his true colors. The sweet part is just an act he puts on when his other "girlfriends" are busy and he wants sex from you.

Be strong, seek help from a trusted faculty member at your college and get yourself out of this abusive relationshop!

Answer 2

Actions do always speak louder than words. Give him an ultimatum and if he doesn't adhere to it, leave and find someone else. Just try...and you may be surprised to see that you are not alone at all.
He is verbally abusive, you should not have to tolerate anyone calling you stupid... no one should be so ignorant as to not accept when they are wrong. And sweetie, 115 is a perfect weight for your height, I'm not sure what his problem is. Are you sure his female friends are just his female friends? Because with the personality traits and arrogance you have stated before, I would be prone to believe he cheats as well. Also the fact that you stated he 'rapes' you...is very disturbing. If you tell him no sex, he should more than respect that not force himself on you. I'm not sure how someone can do all those things to you but you still consider him the sweetest guy you have ever met... that means the other guys have been very horrendous. You may love him but he is not treating you with love at all. You say there is so much good in your relationship but it also seems as if you have realized that the bad is somewhat heavier than the good. I don't think anyone in a relationship should resort to slapping each other in a relationship, it is a bad way to deal with issues, however I don't think he should resort to slapping you back. So we have verbal and physical abuse here. He seems to have done hell to your self-esteem so that you are convinced that you need him. But you don't... you should not stick around... you should make a clean break... he'll get worse...and you'll get more dependent and then you'll eventually find that there's no way out. Good Luck.

HAD TO COME BACK AND ADD THIS:
Do you really believe one iota of the crap you just wrote in his defense? Are you really that desperate to hold on to him that after being predominantly advised to let him go, you'll come back and retract what you said.
'It's not really rape, sometimes guys just want sex... what the?;
If that's your mentality, then I go beyond feeling sorry for you because he has you right where he wants you to be. And if he has the presence of mind to slap back eventually he will slap. And how great is the relationship anyway that you have to resort to slapping him? You lost someone you really cared about for him, so that gives you incentive to stay... what bollocks. How old are you eighteen... at your age you should not put up with a relationship like this. But if you insist on doing it please do. Yes of course, do it because the sex is really good.
A couple years from now...remember the unanimous statements you got from this answer board when you are wallowing in the mess you created by staying.

Answer 3

Do you honestly believe this crap you wrote?...."oh, and its not actually an abusive relationship! the 'rape' isnt real rape, its just guys need sex sometimes, they're guys. and he only slaps me back, never first. it's not real abuse at all. and most of the time i am happy." THIS IS ABUSE!! Anyone who forces himself on you when you've said you dont want to , is raping you...where did you get the idea that's how guys are supposed to act ? If someone is calling you stupid and making you feel fat and making you cry...well, guess what? This is emotional abuse...if he's the "sweetest guy " you've ever met..I sure hate to hear your definition of an asshole..Sweetie, I know your freshmen year away from home can be scary and lonely, but PLEASE dont hold onto this jerk for those reasons...you need help, find someone to talk to, you need to work through the feelings of insecurity you have that are causing to think you deserve to be treated this way...YOU DONT DESERVE IT!!

Answer 4

sweet heart i didnt even finshinsh this letter b4 sayin 2 leave him all the sign r there he rapes u and he is touchy feely wit sum other girl is enogh 2 say bye. 1st off its alright 2 not have sum1 in ur life because trust me if i had 2 chose being alone then wit some1 who makes me cry id b alone and it sounds like u wiegh as much as me and im 5'7 so im real skinny he probaaly waits u to lose wieght so no 1 will like u so wat if there are good times in this relationship if he makes u cry then there are no good times and he cant b sweet if he rapes u sweetheart do urself a favor and drop him u know wat the sex is good .......... so the hell wat it sounds 2 me that u are a jack *** if u stay wit him and typing this letter was a waste of time hope fully u will make da right choice and if u dont u r jus a jackass alright jackass as u keep puting addtions on it sseems 2 me u kno wat 2 dao ur are jus a jackass 1st u say its rape den it aint den i cry den i didnt u are jus a dumb broad but but mayb it is not ur felt mayb ur not a pretty girl and u need sum1 2 tell u that u r if thats the case u really need help

Answer 5

I had a boyfriend like that and I wasted 4 years of my life on him. you realize after a while, that they say what the have to to keep you with them. All those arguments, that's how he really feels but because he is afraid to lose you, he starts being Mr. Nice Guy. Don't buy into it, if he really loves you, he wouldn't treat you like that. Every time you let him win, he tells him that it's ok to be that way, and it is definitely not ok. Be strong.

Answer 6

in my opinion, i don't believe of it truly is achievable. And, i imagine today in society, we throw around the be conscious "love" so freely. first of all, i don't believe of it would want to be honest to both female so that you'll say that you want them or are dedicated to them, once you're literally not. It sounds to me like you're uncertain of what to do, and also you want to go back to a decision. taking area in with human beings's emotions is a very complicated component and many human beings come out very damage or mentally scarred because of a foul adventure. once you want someone, you do not favor to break them. And, besides the actual incontrovertible truth that we are able to not help the way issues take their classes of moves each so often, we are able to dodge circumstances, like those, the position many activities are suseptible of having damage. Be actual with your self. Be actual with those women human beings. when you've your thoughts made up and also you already know precisely what you want, bypass from there. yet, till then, do not play with hearth!

Answer 7

i say wat that lady sed..if he says ur fat an needs to loose weight an doesnt luv u for wat u r now....doesnt listens to u wen in a disscussion...calls u stupid...."rapes" you....flirts alot then turns around an says he loves you....an you say he is the sweetest guy u ever met?? i think u deserve better it may seem that he is the "one" but the "one" wudnt do that to you - if u dont have no other frens go an make some - i kno it may not be as easy as it is sed but try join a club be freindly :) an you will get frens an maybe through meetin new people you may find someone that loves you an treats you like your sopose to :) yay!! an if he hits you call the police !!

Answer 8

I wouldn't say a bf who demands you lose weight, rapes you, and calls you stupid, and hits you the sweetest man ever. I'm sure you could find a better boyfriend in time.

Answer 9

Well in my opinion any man that hits me, rapes me and calls me names isn't the sweetest man. Maybe he does love you, but love can also be blind. Love shouldn't make you cry or hurt"physically" I'd weigh the good with the bad and go from there.

Answer 10

first of all if her really loved you he wouldnt care how much u weight he would love you for who u are are and second he would respect your wishes enough to stop when u say stop and he can just be sweet talking to you but u proly deserve better