what do you do with an 8 year old son with an attitude, & acts like a spoiled brat?

Question

He throws a fit every time I need to go somewhwere he does not want to go, he says he hates me and if I threaten to take something away he just looks at me with a smirk on his face and says good I don't care. He missed the bus for school this morning because he wouldn't get out of bed and get dressed. I have to constantly check on him to make sure he is getting ready for school or to do his home work or to do anything. I put his clothes out in the morning to save time and hassle and he complains about the shirt I put out.

Answer 1

Kids need boundaries. They need them so they know what rules they can break :D
Kids also need consistency, the key to consistency is consistency.
I also think the majority of kids want your approval and don't want to be bad.
Do you use constant POSITIVE re enforcement? Or only scold? Start listening to your tone when you speak to him. He may be defensive from the start.
Has anything happened that makes him feel like this? What about being bullied at school? Kids who are happy with friends generally want to go to school. If something is wrong in the home or at school, then kids become reluctant to go.
Talk to the boy, play with him. Spend time with him. Start making a "play date" with him. It doesn't have to be expensive, go for a walk with him, listen to him.
Talk with his teachers or other adults that have stuff to do with his life, see what they think.
Remember, kids want your love, they want your approval. They want your attention and if it's only negative you are giving him, he'll do what he can to get it. Also, they don't choose to be bad all the time, there is usually a reason, what is that reason?

Another thing, smirking is often a sign of disrepect. Does he fel you are strong, positive female role model? Does he have other postive female role models in his life? Are you in a situation where you are being undermined and seens as "just a girl, I'd don't have to do what she says" by any Male role models in his life?

If the males around him don't respect you, then he's being taught not to respect you too.

Answer 2

You have let this child think that it is ok to behave this way. Somewhere along the lines you didn't put your foot down and show him that you are the parent and he is the child and now you are starting to see where you went wrong. The way you handle this is to strip down his bedroom to nothing but a bed. Don't even give him dresser full of clothes. Take out all electronics and toys and books and posters. Each time you tell him your going somewhere or ask him to do something and there is no problem then give him one thing back. You choose his clothes and tell him to wear it or go naked. You are in control and you need to prove that to him. If he has earned some of his things back and acts up again you take it all away. Let him earn one at a time but take it all away each time he acts up. Next time think about the fact that your raising a person not just what cute little boy you have. This could have been avoided at an early age.

Answer 3

He's 8 years old and you're letting him get the upper hand like that? Wow I'd hate to be around him when he's a teenager. He'll be totally uncontrollable and you'll spend alot of time in court. Tough love is the only way. The only thing you need to supply is food, shelter, clothing. Take away everything else. He can earn it back. One thing at a time. If he misbehaves then take it all away again and he starts from scratch. Lock up all his toys, tv, computer,etc. Do absolutely nothing extra for him. No rides to friends houses, extracurricular activities, etc. As a matter of fact all such activities are now over. He may say he doesn't care but, after a few days of absolutely nothing he'll start to care. If he throws a tantrum put him in his room and close the door, carry him there if you have to. You need to take back control for his sake as well as your own. Good luck.

Answer 4

He may be smirking at you when you threaten to take something away because he knows there's a good chance it won't actually happen, if you haven't been consistent with this kind of discipline in the past.

The key is consistent discipline with follow-through.

Sit down and figure out what privileges he likes best (video games, tv shows, playing with friends, dessert...whatever) and use these as your currency. If he behaves well, he gets to enjoy these privileges. If not, they get taken away. Create a big chart listing what is expected of him as far as behaviour (getting up on time, getting dressed, no hitting, no swearing) and chores and if he does them correctly he gets rewarded by being allowed his privileges. If he does not behave correctly he gets disciplined by having them taken away. Then DO IT! And do it EVERY TIME. Don't give in to whining and crying because it will be easier. You are not teaching him anything that way.

It's not going to be easy, don't get me wrong. It will take some time before he realizes that this is the way it's going to be from now on. After all, whatever you've been doing for the last 8 years doesn't seem to have been working, so expect it to take a few months for the new way to kick in.

Good luck!!!

Answer 5

You need to get control now before its REALLY too late, if this is happening now, just imagine what the teenage years will be like.

Do not just threaten to take things away, DO IT. As far as him not liking the clothes you put out, tell him to get his own, if he will not I would take his little butt to school in his PJ's. A day of that would cure him I'm sure.

Explain the consequences of not doing homework, studying, etc. Does he want to fail at school and be a grade behind all of his friends?

Time for some tough love! It will take time to break old habits but you'll both be better for it in the end.

Good luck!

Answer 6

You need to introduce some serious PHYSICAL discipline to this child. There is absolutely nothing wrong with spanking this child to let him know that YOU are the parent and he is the child and he WILL do what YOU tell him to.

I didn't always believe in physical punishment, but after my divorce I met a wonderful man who has helped me parent my three teen-aged daughters. He showed me by example how well physical discipline works if done consistently and with love. I was absolutely amazed. My girls started obeying every single rule he made without question or whining. They respect him (and me now) because they know that there are limits and that we will enforce them.

I know it sounds extreme and even abusive, but it's really not. If you allow him to run roughshod over you now, you will never get him back and he will ruin your life, his life and the lives of others with a poor attitude and no manners or discipline. Do it for him and he will thank you later - maybe much later, but he will be grateful when he is old enough to understand.

God bless!

Answer 7

You put him on a earn all. That means everything in his room, all his toys, all his clothes, I mean EVERYTHING is taken away. The only thing you leave him is a matress, a blanket, and a pillow. If he has a cool bed frame that gets taken away too and his matress is on the floor. You pick his clothes in the morning. Now after you take all of his stuff, you make him understand that he deserved to have it taken away, and now he has to earn it all back. You don't give it all back at once, but everytime he obeys you, you give him one or two things back.

Other then that my only suggestion would be smack his a$$, Lord knows he would deserve it.

Oh and when my little brother decided not to get up for school that meant he spent all day doing chores or studying stuff, or reading.

Answer 8

It took him 8 years to get this way unfortunately mum.

My older brother was like that with my parents and my mum said sometimes he drove her to distraction. I'd like to say he grew out of it , but he didn't , he's still a spoiled unhappy person at 59.

Have you had him assessed for learning disabilities or perhaps mental health problems?

Perhaps your husband needs to stand firm with you and get him to smarten up and fly right as the old song goes.

You're going to have to keep him on a short leash and life will be difficult for both of you for awhile. Take all privileges away from him, take away his tv, ipod, computer , sports whatever he values and start him with nothing . He'll have to earn everything back with better behaviour , less attitude . And if that doesn't work a good military school with alot of discipline.

Answer 9

It's time you set the rules. Before bed at night, make sure he gets his clothes ready by himself the night before and lay it near his bed. Get him an alarm clock and let him know that if he misses the school bus that he will have to walk alone to school... try to be careful with the things you say around your child. Children tend to imitate the adults around them so if you use some kind of language that you think they might be picking on, try to control yourself. For him to do his homework, make sure he knows he has to do them before he can have play time or tv time. It might be a good idea to have a locked toy chest or a locked play room. Your kid is already 8, you have to start young before it gets harder. And don't spoil your kid. If he does not want to go, pretend like you can leave him alone instead. Or talk to your child nicely about the places you have to go to or things you have to do.

Answer 10

You need to spank his a.s.s. and make it sting until he does what you tell him to do. In fact you have an obligation to do just that. When will you people learn, you cannot reason with a child and you cannot coerce them with words. They don't even know some of the words I've hear parents use on their kids. He is crying out for you to be a parent and take charge of him. Until he has a little fear of you he will never respect you. Get a grip. I don't suggest abusing your child and never would. But, there is a difference between abuse and discipline. Maybe its not too late. When you do it correctly early on you don't usually have to do it much afterwards. Just as a refresher/tune up.