Am I just paranoid?

Question

My husband spends all his free time On the internet. He says he is playing cards but I reently found that he is IM'ing several women. One in particular.I looked at her contact card and it shows two naked people embracing. When I clicked on line in his name she came back asking questiond like hey I thought you went hunting and such. It made me feel like she knows more about what is going on in his life than I do. Often I've walked in the room and he closes out their messages or either he keeps the door closed so our daughter and myself can't see what he is typing. He says it's just a game but I worry that if he is talking dirty to these women then comes to bed asking me for sex it makes me feel like second best and dirty.Am I just reading too much into it or does these things really happen.Sometimes I feel like throwing this computer outside. He spends more time with these people than he does with us. Does any one have any advice? Good ,bad , or indifferent. This is driving me crazy.

Answer 1

He may be addicted to playing with the computer, and this is a real problem between married people. He may find the virtual world to be more interesting than the real world.
This isn't any of your fault, he should be more mature and take care of his family. If this problem persist i think you should talk to a family counselor.

Answer 2

Keep the computer, throw him out. And yes, the who re knows more about him than you do. Why are you such a weak person? Others here will tell you how to track his searches, etc. but it all comes down to the same thing: He's lacking imagination and beyond going to and coming home from work he hasn't a clue how to spend free time really living. Jimmy the computer so that the next time he logs in a note saying, "Wanna divorce adulterer?" and maybe he will throw out the computer and then jump after it and croak.

Answer 3

I think that cheating isn't always psychical, it can be psychological as well.
However, there is a line between fantasy and reality on the Internet.
Is flirting and talking dirty on the internet cheating? And what about Romance novels? If one reads them and fantasizes, is this cheating?
I think you need to tell your husband how you feel and ask him what he gets out of this.
If he is spending more time with those people than you, I do think he has crossed the line from fantasy to reality.
I would consider that cheating.
I think you both need to communicate now and start talking about what the marriage means to you, what problems are there and how you can start re-building your lives and trust in each other again.

Answer 4

It seems that your husband is a procrastinator....in this case he is talking to some unknown woman...if he doesn't have that...he will play cards for sure.... The thing is that he wants to be attached f or certain things that are less complicated...and avoid the real problems....

So my advice would be, to talk with him ...quietly....Say to him " how would you react If I spend time talking on Internet with some strange men, would you feel comfortable..." and see the reaction.Tell him that if he is unsatisfied with something let him speak out loud and then try to solve the problem, not by running away in a imaginary world.
I hope this will help you.

good luck in finding a solution.

a Yahoo friend!

Answer 5

Tell your husband that you're sorry, but you've found out what he's doing in the internet. Say you don't mind him watching dirty pages, but very disturbing while talking dirty with randam people out there, cuz you feel disrespected, feel like you're seen as an object...as what you've written above.
He will get furious to you for finding out his secrets, but tell him that you thought he was cheating on you. If he gets mad at you with that's rediculous, tell him, how would you know if you could be sure if your husband doesn't talk to you anymore.
He must make you feel loved again, and there's nothing wrong about doing the above. He can't accuse you of anything wrong for this.

Answer 6

I have went throught this same thing. I was not able to ignore the lies or even cheating. Yes I feel it's cheating when you're married to im women other than your wife and for them to know more than your wife what goes on in your life. I filed for divorce, best thing I ever did now I have found my soul mate who is the most awesome man I have ever been blessed to meet. I hope all works well for you.

Answer 7

If this is really bothering you, you should suggest marital counseling, because this game he is playing will inevitably lead to more. Ask him what's the difference in him communicating with a woman on line and you communicating with one on the telephone on a regular basis?

He's being inconsiderate of your feelings and I would be uncomfortable with it as well. But I live by the "I do what you do rule", so if he doesn't want me doing it, I suggest he don't do it (whatever it is)!!!

Best wishes.

Answer 8

I don't think that you are being perinoid..It is a fact that 68% of divorces are due to the internet.I have experienced this situation in my family.My Aunt recently got divorced because my uncle had a girlfriend on-line and they met and now they are living together.I suggest you sit down and have a real heart to heart with your husband..Good luck

Answer 9

throwing the pc away or shouting could give him another reason than he already has to do this. why don't you ask him nicely what is he actually doing? maybe he is bored of you [no ofence] or maybe he is just a perv. or... there is another option: do the same thing that he does. try to talk with someone [ it could be just for fun or with somebody you know and wants to help you ], and try to make him realise the way he is making you feel like...

Answer 10

Love equals Trust. If there's no Trust. There's no Love. Then you don't need to be there. If he's not spending EVERY Mimute. You need some respect. Love is out there. Just not with him.