my mom is threatening to quit her job/commit suicide and i have no one to take me in?

Question

my mom has a severe depressive personality and my dad left 6 years ago so its been me&her since then. the past couple of weeks she's gotten worse and is threatening suicide or/and quitting her job this week. my dad has re married and him&his new wife hate me so i cant live with them. my counsellor once mentioned foster care to me, but if i leave my mom now she'll hate me, and i still want to try and help her. i'm 14. if she quits her job then we'll be in the gutter, school starts end of jan and she's even saying she cant be bothered letting me go. i have an older brother+sister, but they say they cant take me in unless they have financial help. i'm not sure what to do, i cant handle my home life anymore and i just want a normal life. do i run away? talk to my counsellor? i just dont know...

Answer 1

I think you should talk to your counselor, and if you need to be in a foster house go, I mean you can help your mom but she needs to get treatment otherwise you would become depressed as well.
You are too young, don't make people let you feel responsible of your mother's welfare. it is easy to see you have had a difficult life.
God loves you and He will take care of you and your mom!

Answer 2

I am so very sorry for what you have to go through so young. My mom has been pulling the same stuff on me as well, but it didn't start happening (at least to my knowledge) until I was around 18 years old. I have always been my mom's special "helper." Helping around the house all the time, listening to her problems, and other stuff no child should really have to do for parents. I have moved out a few times and am now out permanently. I am currently living with my boyfriend like 2 hours away from her. She has been remarried since I was 2 years old.

My mom started her depression/suicide talk when i was 18. At first it was she was a bad mother because I was having my own emotional issues. After her and I resolving that it was my step dad that did it. She found out he had an affair and pretty much has been threatening to kill her self since.

I have noticed in the years of growing up I have done, I have come to this conclusion: I can not take care of my mom. There should be no reverse rolls in that relationship. It has been so bad before that I didn't go home for three days. (made it worse.) What I am trying to tell you is you have a chance to get out. I have been taking care of my parents since I was around 18 years old. Financially and other wise. If you can go to foster care. I could not. I had a father that would have taken me in if he would have known. But "What is said in this house stays in this house" came to mind everytime I wanted to shout out how much pain I was in. I wish you would tell your counselor, school should be starting very very soon. If it hasn't already. ANd get OUT, like yesterday. I wish you the best of luck. And don't worry about your mom. She will eventually learn how to deal with loss and cope with change. If you need any help or have any questions, please don't be afraid to contact me. [e-mail]

Please please don't do what I did. Your mom will be okay. I am no longer my mom's crutch, and she is still alive and breathing. She doesn't hate me and she has learned to deal better that I am gone.

Answer 3

OMG, my heart is breaking for you child. I cannot believe the horrible responsibility you have upon you. wow. If your older siblings gave ANY **** at all, they would take you in. But I do understand not wanting to leave your mom, even though she seems incapable of taking care of you. If you go to a school counselor, they will more than likely get Child Protective Services involved.......this is NOT GOOD!, Have you talked with your mom, I mean, really sat her down and really impressed upon her that you NEED HER? I understand her side here too, how your dad could do that is incomprehensible to me.
I say you get real serious, real fast....with mom. Tell her that if she doesnt do something (such as JUST TRYING some antidepressants or seeking Christ JESUS), then she will only continue to feel this despair (that your asshole dad significantly contributed to). I know that you are only 14, but unfortunately, you have to work up the courage to be very pro-active here. You have to get her attention, tell her to think back to when she first held you after she gave birth to you, remind her of joy that has since passed. Remind her that it is not the end of the world that your dad has moved on,....that his moving on was perhaps the Lord's way of making such space available to someone who will love your mom much more.....idk?
Seek out a good, bible believing church, find a friend there who will help you both out. If it comes down to your mother refusing the inner strength to pull herself up again, then you might want to get your ducks in a row about where you can stay. A GOOD Christian church will help you. I will be praying for you, I am so sorry you have to go thru this. GOD BE WITH YOU!!!!~~~7

Answer 4

Oh Dear, I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. I don't know your religious background, but do know that God loves you. As difficult as that maybe to believe right now, just know that he does. Pray and ask him to help you, which I am sure you do now or have done at some point in your life. Sometimes the answer to prayers don't come right away or in the way we expect. I can only imagine how much you love your mom and how devoted you have been to her throughout your little life. Continue to tell her you love her and that you need her, but don't expect her to show improvement right away, if ever at all. If you have high expectations of her, you will only be disappointed. Ultimately, only your mom can decide to turn things around for herself. At any rate, I know you are looking for advice on what specifically to do, so here are some options that I can think of...

1. Try to convince your mom to go see a professional and talk about her feelings and go on medication or change medications (if she is already on anti-depressant). Let her know that many people go through depression and there is hope, if she will only reach out

2. If your brother and sister are really serious about possibly taking you in, then they can get help from the government to take care of you (if they are over 18) and can prove that your mother is mentally not able to care for you right now and that they don't have enough income to support you. Tell your bro/sis to call their local department of social services

3. Go to a church in your area and talk to the pastor and/or his wife about your situation

I imagine that you are afraid and fearful most of the time, but someday you will be able to be of help to others in your situation, if you don't give up. Remember, none of this is your fault, you didn't choose the life you were born into. It all has a purpose, that you will find out someday.

Jesus loves you, although it may be hard to believe right now.

Although I don't know you, my heart goes out to you and I feel love for you as though you were my sister.

Lou-Annie

Answer 5

If she has threatened suicide, you need to call 9-1-1 right now so she can get help.

Don't run away, you'll wind up being exploited and abused.

Here are some numbers for you.

SUICIDE PREVENTION

Suicide & Crisis Hotline [phone] Help for Troubled Teens

National Hope Line Network 1-800-784-2433 Suicide Prevention



SOMEONE TO TALK ABOUT IT TO

Talk Zone 1-800-475-TALK Peer Counselors

Teen Help Line 1-800-400-0900 Help Line For Troubled Teens

Teen Hot Line 1-800-747-8336 Hot Line For Troubled Teens

VOICES In Action, Inc. 1-773-327-1500

Youth Development International 1-800-HIT-HOME (448-4663) Youth Crisis Hotline

Turn to Jesus and let God help you.

Answer 6

My Mom did the same to me, so I can relate to what you are going through. She was mentally ill but that didn't change what she put me through. Everyone kept saying "your mom needs you man" but I shouldn't have had to hold my mothers hand, she should have held mine. I stayed with her for four years after high school, and then I got a way out and took it. I hope someone helps you get out. Like some of the others who answered your question have already pointed out there should be no role reversal here. My mohter eventually aploligized and admitted that she had been wrong and she earned my respect for that. t didn't undo that damage though. I hope you get a way out before you are ruined. If she does commit suicide it won't be your fault. Good Luck and God bless.

Answer 7

look, life is tough, but one day you'll be much stronger. what you're going through ins't easy at all but even though it may seem like you're alone you really aren't. i believe in god and that he has a plan to each one of us. i think in this situation you should try to help her. talk to her, tell her how much u need her to be there for u. that u dont want her to do the same as ur dad; leave. tell her she's beautful, and that life isn't over yet, just because someone hurt her. help her to raise her self-esteem. and you should try getting a part time, it helps. she's wasting time being depressing about someone that doesn't care, if someone is capable of leading a person to suicide then he's not for her anyways. she needs to enjoy her life, and know that she's not alone. talk to a counselor it helps alot. i hope the best for u.

Answer 8

It is not your responsibility to take care of your mother. So you should not worry about her hating you if you live with someone else, if she was mentally healthy it would not be an issue. It is your responsibility to do well in school and obtain the foundation that will make you a self-sustaining member of society when you become an adult. That said, you need help where your mother is concerned, so you need to talk to a trusted adult. If your mother is indeed suicidal you may be able to get her committed to a psychiatric facility by going to the local District Court.

Answer 9

You have to understand that your mother is very sick (emotionally) and that she is trying to control you, and in effect make you the mother of her. This is very wrong and very unnatural. I hope you can hold on and live with her if you can't find a better place to live (family or relative) in the meantime. The years will quickly go and soon you'll be 18 and able to leave. Try to dissociate yourself from her "Needy, Unstable" feelings she displays towards you. Become NUMB to them. Because right now you need to be strong for YOU! It is unlikely that your mother will actually kill herself. She is saying this as a cry for help! And you are not old enough to get her the help she needs. Don't let her use you. BE STRONG honey, soon you'll be on your own. Try to find support groups on-line for abused teenagers. And if you ever need anyone to talk to, please write me.

Answer 10

That is messed up what your mom is putting you through. Doesn't sound like depression, sounds like she wants you to feel sorry for her. My dad was the same way except he would talk about his parents and the horrible childhood he had and tell me and my brother that we are going to make him die because we were putting to much stress on his weak heart. My advice is your going to be an adult soon so let this be a learning experience for you. I really can't say how to handle your mom but remind yourself she chose this way of living. Good luck. Call a hotline and go through the yellow pages, they have a bunch of phone numbers you can call.