Why is there a stigma attached to being a stay at home father?

Question

I am a stay at home father, by choice. I left a very good job, albeit one that I was not terribly happy with, to raise my two young sons while my wife pursued her career. Also I am taking this opportunity to further my education.
When I tell people that I stay at home they immediately think that I lost my job or that I am lazy and am making my wife support me. Why do people jump to such conclusions?

Answer 1

Cause they're stupid, and don't realize what goes into being a stay at home parent.

My husband can agree with you on this one. At one time, he was having trouble finding work, and I had a good paying job, so he stayed home with our daughter. It's not that he wasn't looking, it was just a difficult time for him, and he felt really bad. He used to say things like, "I can't believe I'm letting you support me," and, "I bet your mom thinks I'm the laziest person ever."

But, while he was a stay at home dad, the house was spotless, the laundry done, our daughter ate a decent dinner every night, got a bath every night, and I never had to lift a finger unless I wanted to. I was also in school at the time, and he always made sure I had time to study and keep up with the papers I had to write and speeches I had to give.

Stay at home dads don't get near the credit they deserve. I salute them, because I've been on both sides of the coin, as a working mom and a stay at home mom. I'm sure the situation works for you and your family, so keep it up, Super Dad!! And go hug those boys of yours.

Answer 2

Historically, women were not permitted to have positions of authority and were limited in the fields of career that were considered acceptable. That included being a doctor or even a bank manager. They were prohibited from voting. Since they were not the "hunters" and "providers" for the family and were considered chattel (under ownership of father until husband took over) she was considered the weaker sex. As the weaker sex she was forced to be a housewife with all of the responsibilities therein until this role for a woman became traditional. When a man takes this roll ; many still hold the belief that it is because he is weak. Although, this is not always the case it is a stereotype.
Similarly, women who elect to stay home and be the primary care givers rather than allow a daycare center to do it ; are often regarded as either lazy and uneducated.
You must do what is best for you and your family's situation. Don't worry about what others think. As long as you and your family are happy with the arrangement and your quality of life is not being sacrificed then the rest doesn't matter. Afterall, no matter what anyone else believes and thinks ; NONE of them will be taking care of your children or paying your bills.

Answer 3

You are right people do come to those conclusions and their immediate thought is "This guy is a bum!"
You should worry less about what others are thinking about and focus more on your goal which is to raise successful and healthy children.
People will draw these types of conclusions because society has taught them to. It's a conditioning proccess. While you can berate and complain about what people are saying about you- you will not be able to change over 100 years worth of thinking.
You should be a leader... maybe look into finding other stay at home fathers and prehaps start a movement then maybe you can make a difference for fathers everywhere that stay at home w/ the kids.
But until then...ignore it.

Answer 4

Stay at home fathers is basically a new thing that alot of people are adjusting to. In the past women were the only ones to stay at home with the kids, and it is mostly that way still. There are also a lot of old fashioned couples like me and my husband that would never think of that arrangement (but respect others choices). Women do have their rights now but we still have men catagorized as strong, firm, somewhat lazy and all those types of things and women are catogorized as soft gentle warm caring...so on and so on. Its just a sterotype that may stay for a long time. Men dont usually want to be associated with the sensitivity and compassion that is needed for child rerearing.
As long as you are happy staying home so be it but you knew going into it that not alot of men do stay at home, times will change but we will not know when.

Answer 5

As much as all those ignorant people and their questions and assumptions bother you, just ignore it. I really think that what you are doing for your boys is something to be admired. You and your wife are showing them something that most kids do not get to see that often: a dad who does the daily "mom" things and a mom who goes off and is a strong and important part of society. This will help them become better adults as they will be more open-minded and know that if dad can do (fill-in-the-blank), then so can I. This will also show them that strong females are something to be admired, not something to avoid or "take down" later in life.
Depending on where you are, you might be able to find a "support" group of other stay-at-home dads. I think that it might be helpful for you.....after all it is quite helpful for us moms!
Here are a few links that I hope you find useful!
http://www.slowlane.com/
http://www.rebeldad.com/index.html
http://fatherhood.about.com/od/stayathomedads/
http://www.dadstayshome.com/
http://www.fatherville.com/Articles/Stay_At_Home_Dads/

Congratulations on your choice! I wish you and your family the very best. Stay brave and just have fun!!!

Answer 6

Hey, I did the same thing. Got to pick up my boy from school and take him to the batting cage and other stuff like that. Now I'm a stay at home cook since my kids have left. Wife works while I do the cooking and everything else except LAUNDRY. We wouldn't change a thing. I too left a high paying job.

Answer 7

Ignorance is "bliss". And in society seems that a mom is the more likely to stay at home, and sacrafice their wants & careers for the children & spouse.
I on the other hand Praise you! That is great especially since they are boys. They need to have their father as a positive role model in their lives! You are a great dad for that. More men should think of how much better off their children would be just to see their dads more.
Keep up the GREAT WORK There!!!!

Answer 8

It's the way society has been for thousands of years. The man has always been the hunter bread winner while the wife is the nuturing child bearer. I think it's great for you to be at home. You will get that wonderful bonding time with your children that not many fathers have. It will just take time for society to get over the patterns that have been set in stone for so long. Good luck!

Answer 9

they're the bomb. wholly beneath-liked. feminists most effective applaud the perception of running moms (keep at house any one (male or feminine) is disdainful to them). Women should not have it tougher. Men, primarily within the constructed international, paintings simply has rough if no longer tougher than females. Men support lift the child, do loved ones chores (cooking cleansing laundry and so on) furthermore to having complete time jobs and lengthy commutes. On best of that they do handyman/renovation paintings across the residence at the weekends (mowing lawns, portray, solving damaged matters, and so on). But you by no means listen approximately this. All you listen is that guys take a seat on their butts looking exercises all day or gambling video video games. that is to this point from the reality it is laughable. I imply definite there are a few lazy men in the market however so much don't seem to be.

Answer 10

It's a shame, but people still think the man should be the breadwinner and, if he stays home, he's lazy. Of course, when I had my first son (he's almost 12), women looked down their noses at me for quitting my job to stay home (I wanted to kill the next person who said "aren't you bored staying at home doing nothing all day?"!!). Stay home moms weren't back in fashion yet. It was always me and the nannies at the park everyday!! Never mind that parening two small kids is a WAY harder job than any job, but people though I was lazy, too. Of course, that stigma has lifted, as it will for men who stay home. It is becoming more common, afterall. You should be congratulated for being there for your kids as opposed to dumping them in day-care. Just ignore the people who look down their noses at you. they have the problem, not you. Good luck!