to parents only of 16yr teenagers? If you dont have a teen in the 10th grade, dont offer your opionion.:?

Question

what to do with a 16yr that doesnt want to go to school? its the last week before the end of the 9 weeks, she has tests and reports due in the next 3 days. she has waited till now to do the reports. she wouldnt come out of her room, I cant make her come out, i cant break the door down. How do other parents of 10th graders(16yr) get them to come out of their room? she said that I dont care, If I did care I would let her miss school today to finish the work.
how to get a teen to wear winter coats, its raining and going to snow today? she dont like winter coats.

I CANT follow her around school, i work while she is at school- 9am till 5pm. she tried to kill herself before while I was at work-went through a program. thought it helped.
but she has missed alot of school- because I fell for "I dont care about her" to finish homework.
she doesnt do that good-- gets c and d's.
so, will take lock of bedroom door tonight. then what to do about the homework? i told her she made the "choice" and now she had to go to school to face the teachers.
she didnt want to take the coat because she didnt have room in her bookbag when she came home. told her to just put on and dont zip--will see at 2pm if she did.
how to stop the argument in the morning though??? it makes the whole day bad. starting off with arguing with her.

THESE 5 ANSWERS DID NOT HELP:
1) DID CHANGE LOCK ON DOOR, GOT ONE WITHOUT A LOCK
2) SHE DOESNT GO OUT EVER-SO SHE HAS NEVER DONE ANY DRUGS OR ANYTHING BAD
3) PICK BATTLE--HOMEWORK IS THE BATTLE EVERYDAY, I LEAVE IT UP TO HER, SHE GOES TO HER ROOM, I ASK HER IF SHE IS WORKING ON IT, SAYS SHE IS DOING IT.
4) SHE KNOWS THAT IF SHE FAILS THAT SHE HAS TO STAY IN 10TH GRADE BUT SHE ALSO KNOWS, IN HER SCHOOL, IF SHE ONLY FAILS 1 SUBJECT(HISTORY) THEN SHE STILL MOVES ON.
5) WHEN SHE HAS "PROJECTS" TO BE DONE, SHE WAITS TILL THE LAST SEC. SHE TELLS ME IN THE MEANTIME SHE IS GETTING IT DONE--I CHECK ON HER.

WAS LOOKING FOR HOW OTHER PARENTS HANDLE 10TH GRADE LAST MINUTE "PROJECTS" ---A) DO THEY YELL AND SCREAM TO GET IT DONE?
B) JUST DONT SAY ANYTHING AND BELIEVE THEY WILL GET IT DONE?
C) IF THEY FAIL, OR DONT TURN "PROJECT"IN DOES THE PARENT FEEL RESPONSIBLE?

Answer 1

You can't let the child rule the parent. You sent standards and expect that behavior from them. If my son didn't want to come out of his room I would be taking the door off the hinges. If he didn't want to go to school. I would drag him there and then follow him to each and every class. I would constantly be looking over his shoulder to make sure his work was getting done. She's being a moody teenager and if she wants to act like a baby then I would treat her as such and explain that to her.

Answer 2

Take the hinges off of the door.

With teens you have to pick and choose your battles. Many teens wait until the last minute to do reports.

I have one teen that does that and always gets superior grades and then I have a teen who is the opposite and does the assignments as soon as he receives them.

I think that there is some sort of fear of failure that makes them procrastinate. Either they aren't sure of how to do the work and so they wait and wait hoping for the answers to drop out of the sky. When they realize that the time is short then they knuckle down and complete the tasks but often misjudge how much time it will actually take.

If she doesn't have many absences then let her stay home for just the ONE day to complete her work. But only the ONE day. If she doesn't then she can't ever use the "if you cared about me..." line on you again and you won't have to feel bad for not allowing her.

Also, check to see if her school supports the "iparent" or
"yourkidshomework" programs which allows parents to track their grades and assignments on a daily basis. In this way when she is given a project report ; you will be able to help her and encourage her long before the report needs to be done. Also, keep a steady supply of report covers, staples, poster boards, and project boards on hand. When she sees that she has the necessities to turn in a nice project she will be encouraged to do one. Even if the instructor doesn't require the extra ; she will gain points by doing so.

As for the winter coats just tell her to take it with her but she doesn't have to wear it. At least she will have it if she needs it. If she still refuses then just let her go without. Her first cold should teach her the value of listing to mother during inclement weather.

Remember pick and choose your battles. Some decisions aren't so monumental that you can't let her make them so she can learn for herself and build up her confidence. I promise you it will only get worse when she becomes in love for the first time. It will pass.

Answer 3

May be time to have her look in to alternatives to traditional high school, perhaps a charter, virtual school. It can only get worse if she gets to far behind as she ages. There is nothing you can really do to force her out of her room, even without a door she could refuse to leave the room. At this point in life if she does not wear winter coats etc., she will not, it's not worth battling over. Many young people do not exactly dress for the weather.

Answer 4

I don;t fit you criteria of a parent of a teenager, but I have a neighbor who matches the description. I hate school, but tell her she has to do it anyways. She needs to just get the work done and stop worrying if she cares or not. Every teenager has to live through the Shakespeare, The Crucible, or any boring unit, we just have to live through it. It comes down to a maturity issue. If she gets the projects done, in on time, and a good grade she is that kind of worker who can do it in the last minute. To get her out of the room, you knock, come in, and talk. Check up on her once every two hours or so if you have to.

how to get a teen to wear winter coats, its raining and going to snow today? you can't.

Answer 5

I have a 16 yr old daughter as well
I am happy to say that I have had NO problems with her.
She is a responsible young woman and she knows that with out an education she is going NOWHERE!!!
Is your daughter doing drugs?
That would be my first guess?
You have a serious problem on your hands and it needs to be dealt with NOW, take a leave from work if you have the coverage. This is more important than any job at present,
My daughter sometimes doesn't wear a coat just because it is not "cool" but I explained to her that when she gets pneumonia and is hospitalized is "uncool" as well.
Seems to me you have let her do as she pleases and now you are trying to make her do as you ask
Nip it in the bud NOW!!!!
Oh and, Take her door right off. Remember, Its your home!

Answer 6

Well, if I found myself in your position I would definitely choose my battles. Homework battle OR wearin a coat battle. Unless you're in Colorado where exposure might be a problem, frostbite, etc., I would say to let the whole coat thing just pass. What's the worst thing that will happen to her if she doesn't wear that coat? Yep, she might feel chilly. That's it. Remember, it's an old wives' tale disproved way back in 1946 that people don't "catch" cold. They don't become ill from cold air. Otherwise hospitals, who want to kill germs would be WARM, and they are sooo cold. So with that in mind, I would focus on the homework issue. Some of these kids just have to experience failure in order to "get it" and learn the real lessons in life. All the best to you!!

Answer 7

You can't get your own daughter to come out of her room? Who's the parent here?

1. Remove the locks on your daughter's bedroom door immediately. She may close her door for privacy, but never lock it.

2. Parents are responsible for the actions of their children. You need to make sure that is in school every day.

3. Young adults (children in High School) are responsible for getting their school work done. And if they don't, they must accept the consequences. Those consequences come from the school AND from the parent!

4. Wearing a coat is a requirement during inclement weather.

You are the parent. Act like one! If your child acts like a spoiled brat who cannot be responsible for anything, then treat her like a baby. No privileges -- take away the TV, the video games, the ipod, the cell phone, the car!

Answer 8

i was the primary care-giver for a teenage boy for yrs...

*sigh* your not gonna change her. she is a teenager. you say do this, she says your a bad parent, you tell her to pick something up, and that means you hate her. god forbid you expect her to be responsible, cause then you dont trust her.

that i just how it is gonna be. she will grow out of it. untill then, she will just have to repeat the 10th grade, get soaking wet, and freeze. she will learn eventually