16yr olds & how 2 handle them?

Question

i have a 16yr old son who can be violenr but most ofthe time he just wont abide by my rules ie when i say no mates in house at certain times he ignores this & due to his violent nature i tend to give in jsut so as i can get sum peace & yes i will admit im scared of him as he has lashed out at me before

Answer 1

Tough love! Let him know that if he becomes violent again, you will call the police....and ACTUALLY DO IT. I have a 16 y/o and while she may try to extend curfew, she would never ever raise a hand to me because I have let her know that I wouldn't tolerate it and I would make her live elsewhere; be it a foster home or jail. She knows I grew up in a house of daily uncertainty and abuse, she knows I kicked her biological father out when I was pregnant because he started smoking pot, she knows I had him arrested and convicted of stealing from me, and she knows I went to the police when she was being bullied in 6th grade and nothing was done, so she knows I won't hesitate to take whatever means necessary to live peacefully in the home I pay the mortgage on.

Bottom line; put your foot down, tell him he cannot live at home if he cannot abide by your rules. Maybe I sound harsh, but go read my daughter's myspace....she says her first and current best friend is her mom. She knows I love her more than anything and would do anything to protect her and her future, even if it means protecting her from her own stupid behavior.

Answer 2

I swear I don't get how you let that happen,what the he** happened?First off I have no sons,I have 13 grandsons and the only one I think has little respect for his mom probably has reason.kids are far from stupid,the others would never think to raise their hand to any of their mothers,aunts or me their grandmother.Respect first,then there's the fact that they have always known we loved them but we've never,ever tolerated any form of disrespect form them.That meant no sucking of the teeth,no slamming doors and although they were always allowed their expressions and their opinions,no way they could gey away with disrespectful attitudes.To be honest.I'd rather choke my kid than put up with disrespect,I carried that child and they may not have asked to come here,but many women don't bother to keep what they carry and since I kept mine,I swear I'll take his as* out of here before I let any of them hit me.I would tell any judge that if I didn't get on them when they were small.he'd be getting on them now that they are grown.What ever happened with you and your sons is something only you know and you lost control and their respect somewhere along the way.I don't know what could help you now that you given up control,you need counseling I guess,and so do they,but you have no control,so I guess you have to go your self,maybe that will give you some strength.I can't relate because as i said I would have never tolerated a childs abuse from the start.People say that spanking a child is abuse and I know that some people have over done that, but it worked for me and my siblings and it worked for my kids and it worked for my 27 grandkids and one great gran.Good Luck and pray,right now you need the Lord.

Answer 3

A child doesn't become violent overnight. He has lost the sense of belonging to your family. Can you take him to a counselor or even go out with just the two of you to discuss things that are bothering both of you? Do not nag him or demand. Just listen to him get his point of view. Why are you saying no mates in the house. Why does he think this is not fair? Ask him what can you expect. 16 year olds tend to mouth off a lot but then they usually get the job done...if you follow through and get into their business. They hate you getting into their business they want some isolation to day dream about their future. Does he know what his future will be? Have you spoken to him about what he wants out of life? Get closer to him and he may stop the violence if he feels you really are listening.

Let him know that he scares you that someone will get hurt from the violence you feel from him and perhaps he can choose to fix it now with a counselor before he has a wife and child of his own so he won't have any bad consequences of it.
If he won't have any of it....then tell him you will have to call the authorities if his voilence gets out of hand even if you care for him. You should set this boundary to give him a warning.

I thought if you can go to counseling with a teenage counselor they can give you some hints of what to do. Ask for real answers to specific problems...If the counselor can't think of anything ask the counselor to refer you to someone else who may be able to help. A counselor you like is best. Good luck

Answer 4

I know that this may sound so crazy to you but when my brother was 16 I promise you that he was the same way with my mom. My dad was on the rode alot he was a truck driver so when he wasn't home seems like my brother would loose his mind. Anyway one day my mother went into his room and lost her mind too. She tore his room up he decided that he was going to have company at 1:30 in the morning regardless of what she said. She went into his room with a bat and just went crazy he tried to stop her but she got him too. You should never be afraid of your children he is that way because of you and I know that you didn't want to hear that but he is. You have let him have his way long enough. You go in his room and go crazy. He starts trying to miss you your stuff then you go after him. You use all you r strength. When my brother started acting right then she slowly start replacing stuff in his room when he showed her some respect. That's what your son is missing with you. You go in that room and just lose your mind and if he trys to get you or your stuff lose your mind on him. If that doesn't work then send him to boarding school in Switzerland.

Answer 5

You can't give in to him, as that only shows him that being violent means that he'll get his own way. Be firm with him. If his mates are round and you don't want them there, ask them, not him, politely if they could leave. If he gets angry towards you, don't rise to it, just continue to be firm, even in front of his friends. It depends exactly how violent he is with you, if it's a shove, tell him that it is unacceptable, and that if he does it again, you'll have no choice but to ask him to move out. I know he's your son and he's only young, but he's old enough to know he should respect you as his parent. If he is very violent with you I would seek professional advice. You could start by asking your doctor and maybe they can refer you to someone who can help.

Answer 6

Susan. You sure need help, in the form of AUTHORITY. You do mention something very serious, and that is that he has lashed out at you before.

In that case, you are a victim of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. You do need to do something about it. You better call the police or the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

Domestic Violence is not about marriage, but about abuse within the home, regardless of who is the abuser and who is the abuse.

Maybe you can contact the people of TOUGH LOVE. I do not know their contact address, but search of them on Yahoo Search.

Answer 7

My natural answer would be: "get a gun, just in case," but then that'd show the world how unfit to be a parent I truly am.

I think you could do with some professional help. How is he doing in school? What sort of friends does he have? Do you know his friends' parents? Is there a chance to take him to counseling?

Answer 8

The son of a good friend of ours used to belt the living crap out of her from about 14 on.....she did nothing...eventually, he forced her out of her own home. She's been hiding from him for the past 13 years....you decide, do you want it to be like that. Throw him out now lest you may end up like oiur friend!

Answer 9

You could always send him to military school, i know someone who went, and when he came back, he gave his mom a big hug and said he was sorry for everything, hope this helps.

Answer 10

All I can say is that I love my kids, God knows I do but if they ever tried that **** with me, they'd be picking their asses up off the floor. They're adults and they know it too.