Is it unacceptable for a grandmother to call her grandchild (12 years old) rather than ...?

Question

call her daughter's boyfriend? He works third shift and she just wanted to drop something off at their home when her daughter was at work. She didn't want to wake the boyfriend unnecessarily and so she called her grandson and told him she was coming to drop the stuff off. Is that unacceptable to have not called the boyfriend when he possibly may have been sleeping and she just thought it would be easier to call the granson instead? Is it unacceptable for the mother of a person to not "call ahead" when she wants to just drop something off? Other people's opinoins will be very important here. I appreciate anyone's input.

I would like to note for the record that we are to get married in about 7 weeks but have lived together for some time.

Answer 1

I see no problem. Granny didn't want to wake the sleeping boyfriend. (If she had woken the sleeping boyfriend then their might be a totally different title to this thread!)

A 12 year old should be more than capable of accepting a delivery from his own grandmother.

Anyway - Grandmother dropped something off for the daughter. She did her a favor. She is not UPS or FEDEX, she has her own schedule. It might not have been convenient for her to drop something off when the daughter was there. And she DID call in advance. Anyway, this was a simple drop off. In and out. It wasn't like she came over and expected dinner and started arranging the furniture in the daughters absence.

Does the daughter have any reason to believe that the grandmother would harm her own grandson? Wasn't it nice that granny and her grandson got to chat a bit ever so briefly?

Let the issue just die.

Answer 2

How important is this issue ... it's nice that grandma has a good relationship with grandchild ... and grandma's get things done early and I think she was ok in what she did ... don't beat her up for something like this ... things change so rapidly and if something happened to her tomorrow this would seem so dumb in the scheme of things ... If you want things different the tell her
"I appreciate your doing but would it be ok if next time you ....."
give her the benefit trying to get her tasks out of the way while respecting your b.f. sleep time ... and by the way I'm not one to really worry about family and good friends every just dropping by but that's me ... I treasure every moment ... I've lost enough family and friends to know I don't worry about whether they call ahead I'd rather know I had every moment possible then to miss the opportunity because my house wasn't perfect when they wanted to drop in

Answer 3

If I understand your question correctly, then my answer is no. It is not unacceptable. The average 12 year old is old enough to say "sure gramma, stop in".

I do think that calling ahead is a nice courtesy, though. Not a requirement, but very thoughtful for the family and also doesn't waste grandma's time coming over when it turns out no one is home.

Answer 4

I think a 12 year old is capable of receiving something from Grandma. In my family, if there is something to drop off and you know the person isn't home or is sleeping or busy, it's no big deal to come unannounced and leave it on the porch, or try the door and leave it inside if it's open.

Answer 5

I'm guessing that it's your boyfriend that's mad at your mother?

I think that unless the boyfriend sleeps nude in the living room or the child is very irresponsible it's fine to just call the grandchild. I also wouldn't have a problem with my mom not calling ahead, but I would have a problem with my mother-in-law not calling ahead--just because she doesn't need or want to see how messy my home is, my mom's ok with it.

Answer 6

I think it depends... have you made clear to your mother that you don't want her just dropping in? Have you given her ground rules about visiting, calling, etc? If you haven't laid out ground rules for her, then I don't see a problem.

If you have told her that you don't want her just dropping in, or that you don't want her going through your son for things, then, yes, it is unacceptable.

Personally, I think just by the fact that she knew your boyfriend was meant to be sleeping, she should have stayed clear. She should have had enough respect for him to wait until he was known to be up and about or she could get in contact with you.

Either way... if this is something that is bothering you (which it sounds like it is), now is the time to lay out those boundaries. Tell your mother that this is your home, and tell her how you expect your household to be treated.

(On a personal note... if my mother went through one of my children to get something to my home instead of waiting to talk to me... especially since my husband works over night Saturday night and needs to sleep on Sundays... I would go bullistic. Maybe that's just me, though!)

Good luck.

Answer 7

At that age, and if she is in consumer-friendly words babysitting sometimes for some hours that makes no experience till the toddler does no longer experience chance-free and take care of with the father and mom. If in spite of the undeniable fact that it truly is for numerous days or more effective, or on a standard foundation then the grandmother would could recognize the desires of the toddler's father and mom and stick with the agenda, till it truly is adverse or risky to the toddler's health. She raised hers her way and they could advance theirs their way. because it truly is their first toddler (i'm assuming) they could be attempting too not hassle-free and being too inflexible, a compromise with someone who has carried out it in the previous (grandma) may be helpful.

Answer 8

If you are going to let small un-important matters such as this become major problems.....then you better put off the wedding.
I do not understand what the big deal is here. Set boundaries with your mom and drop this pettiness.....it is not worth the time and effort to be upset about.

Answer 9

i think at 12 a child is capable of running out the house to collect something. if you had wanted to go in the house, a call may have been better, but surely family can just pop over?

Answer 10

If it's just dropping something off and not going in, it is fine. If she wants to go in, it is best to talk to the adult in the house.