Question for mothers! DO you have moments when you wish you never had children? Please give non judgemental an

Question

there are days that i wish i never had children and i hate myself for feeling that way but i cant help it, i dont think i am cut out to be a mother i have no patience or tolerence for anthing most of the time im just pulling my hair out going insane, are there others out there that feel the same.

Answer 1

I am a Dad who must chime in, it sounds like the frustration is more than just the kids. Not having patience or tolerance can be a product of other things going on.
When I was younger I was always mad with my children, not quite a drill sergent but close, a major event in my life changed that before it was too late, suddenly I appreciated how special they were to me.

You are cut out to be a mother, you just need a little adjustment to your outlook and expectations. You can do this, AND be happy.

When you find yourself without patience, ask youself, just exactly what are you expecting? Perfect results? They ARE children.

I think the lack of patience can also mean you care, try changing up the way you deal with things, perhaps a different tone or technique. You may quickly find that you have more patience than you thought. I've never wished I didn't have them, although perhaps I daydreamed about being free and single but that's not quite the same. Now they are almost grown I realize I would have been much less a man without them.

Answer 2

Sometimes, I think of how much easier life would be without children but I can't say I regret having had mine. The moments that I have felt this way were when I felt overwhelmed. If it is possible try to have someone like a relative or a good friend take the kids for a few hours so that you can have some "me" time to recharge.
If Daddy is around let him take up the slack or hire a sitter so that you both can go out and have a meal without little fingers and zillions of "mommy, I want this or that...".

Try to get some rest and let some things go if necessary. Being a supermom isn't practical if mom starts feeling at her wits end.
The world won't collapse if laundry or dishes don't get done asap.
Let these things go if necessary for a bit. Try paper plates etc...
Just to buy you time away from other duties.

If the kids are constantly fighting and getting on your nerves then seperate them. Often the fear of seperation is enough to straighten them out.

Also, if they are old enough don't hesitate to sign them up for t-ball. The season is fast approaching and the laughter you will derive from the games will be enough to get you through the rough patches while teaching them some skills.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

Yeah realistically I have had those days when it just seemed too much and I wasnt sure I would survive one more day, out of patience, out of confidence, out of tolerance. I have actually told my children to go to their rooms before I teach you what child abuse is all about, remarkabley they went. I calmed down and got some help ( teen age sitter three days a week for two hours). It happens- be of some cheer tho as you recognize it for what it is. Sometimes you cant change others you have to find what works for you. Maybe a job would be good for you, the children in day care. Or maybe just a part time job with the kids with your spouse or your Mom or sister. You arent a bad mother just a person searching for an answer but kids just dont mind very well sometimes and sometimes Mom "freaks out" its all life.

Answer 4

Keep preaching!!

I have felt that way, and it does not make you a bad mother. It makes you human.

Try having a relaxing hour or two to yourself, once a week or so. You'd be surprised how even an hour in the bathtub, surrounded by bubbles, will make you feel. Also, don't be afraid to ask for help. Maybe you could find other moms and dads in your neighborhood and organize a sleepover night, where all the kids gather at one house while all their parents go out (or stay in!), then swap up.

And for all the ones who said they NEVER thought that, they're either lying, or they've already lost their minds.

The rest of us are just on the verge!!

Another thing to try: praying. Trust me, it will get easier.

Answer 5

yes I have felt like that, not like not having them but to just be care free for a bit. Then my oldest daughter caught on fire and my middle daughter had open heart surgery all in the same year and it taught me alot about how i felt really inside and how selfish i had been. however i still sometimes think i cant wait untill they are grown so i can have it back to being just me.

especially if you are a single parent this can be stressfull as well.
i went to the doctor and found that meds helped me. I know it sounds like you are crazy and dont want to go because you are scared of what people will think, but dont be you are not alone.

It sounds like you are not in denial of this and that is good. But instead of posting this you should get some help. You will keep suffering and the kids will be effected by this as well. As you can see like i said you are not alone....Look at all the people who agree with you on this matter.

I wish you all the luck in the world and remember the kids need you and belive it or not you need them. I would just set some time up to go be you sometimes as a mother we get so busy being all these people like a doctor and a taxi cab and a teacher and so on that we lose ourselfs and that is stressfull enough But anyway like i said i wish you luck and happiness.

Answer 6

Oh, honey, I feel exactly the same way sometimes too.

it's hard not to, especially when they've been fighting since they both got up(around 6am), and the screaming, and the whining just doesn't stop, I look at them and wish for my old (and very quiet) life back.
What you need is a little break.. is there anyone who can watch your kids for an hour or too? If not, some daycare centres offer a drop off service(it may be a little expensive, but sooo worth it!!)
You are not a bad parent, we all go through it, those of us who chose to deny they have ever felt that way, even for a nano-second are lying to themselves and others.

Hang in there.. and take that break!

Answer 7

Don't be so hard on yourself. We as mothers all have times of doubt. Try and take a few moments a day to relax (Kids napping, let them watch a movie, and sit with a cup of tea, coffee, or just a few pages of a good book) Join a mothers group in your area (Look online) If you are married, tell hubby you need a night (Try and do it once a month if you can) Go walk the mall, go to a book store, or just a long drive with your music (No Wiggles lol) Find a babysitter, and have date night. You'd be suprised what just a few moments to youself can do. Be wary of the mothers who scold you for being honest with your feelings. Personally those are the ones who most likely need most of the help. Your feelings are perfectly fine. If you do feel like your feelings are getting worse, make sure you go talk to a doctor. It could also be depression. Best of luck. :)

Answer 8

OH ARE YOU GONNA GET SOME ANSWERS...LOL ,, don't get down on yourself, I think we all have days when we question our ability to be a Mother. Especially when you get these Soccer Mom, do it all types that make you feel worthless. I tend to think I don't do enough with/for my kids. I work Midnight-8am, go home and sleep until 4pm when I pick up the kids from daycare (they go there after school) we have dinner, they get showers and go to bed. My days off are normally NOT the weekend, I am a 911 dispatcher, so my days off vary. So therefore we get to do family things very rarely. I work, do household things, etc so when I am home I know there are times when I am out of patience, easily annoyed, etc. and my husband the same. We try to alternate with each other when one of us has had enough. It in no way makes you a bad parent, or a bad person. And YES there are other moms out here that question ourselves from time to time. And for people who say you shouldn't be a mother or that they in any way shape or form are a better mother than you, just remember.... these are the people that are making you question yourself in the first place. They do not live your life, know what trials your kids put you through. My eldest is VERY intelligent, but drives me batty. He refuses to sleep and won't stop talking.. my youngest is a clown, yea he's funny, but sometimes he just won't stop ya know... we don't have "couple time" either, which makes it difficult on us too. Try to take it easy, and don't bash yourself or let anyone here or anywhere else bash you either....kids don't come with instructions or handbooks. We all do the best we can.

Answer 9

Its ok to think that but you need a vacation even if it is just 30 min in the bath. Go out side when you feel of done. Im a mother of 3 boys it helps to have someone to talk to also.

Answer 10

I think your problem is that you aren't getting enough recognition for your job, it's hard work, people don't tell you it's hard work, but if you realize that your working harder than that guy sitting at his desk,, making 30 an hour,than this will help you. It's not that you don't have patience, it is just running low because children love to suck it dry, and rarely do they have any patience to give back. Don't let anyone tell you your a bad mom because you have a couple bad days, because their lying if they say they don't , I can JUST IMAGINE, some of your answers I am about to see, people who pretend like they're June Cleaver. Remember, your human, and so is everyone else.