Advice please the day nursery my son attends, now has an autistic child attending his behaviour @home changed?

Question

MY son is 2y 7mth he attends day nursery 3 afternoons per week he's always been quite good and the staff say he's really a pleasure. The past 2 months an autistic child has attended who is quite demanding and has some terrible displays of behaviour and demands, screaming, shouting and needing attention. I know children need intergrating and if the shoe was on the other foot I may feel different. My son is now copying this particularily behaviour at home or when out! I pay £250 per month for this and feel my son is at a very influential age. We sorted him for the week between Christmas but 2 days back and he's the same, high pitch scream demands. I do lots of activities with him at home. I'm thinking of moving his nursery because of this but he's been there since 7mth, his displays are all what I have witnessed from this child when I drop him off so it must be constant all day.
Any advice please?

I knew it would sound awful to those who have children with special needs and understand it must be very hard. But I find it hard to explain to a 2 yr old 'this chid is different' maybe when he's 4 or5. And we do ignore his attention seeking. So all you who think of think i'm upset at not living in an ideal world, this was not the case just don't know the best way to explain to my son your suggestions here greatful:o)

Answer 1

I would raise it in the first instance verbally with the nursery manager - ask to speak to her at a predetemined time. Tell her your worries and ask what they are doing to ensure that the behaviour of this child does not influence other kids too much. It also sounds like maybe this child is getting more attention than others due to its behaviour which would (I would have thought) be at the expense of the other children.

If you are not happy with the answer, I would put a complaint in writing. See how they respond. Threaten to move your child and if you still aren't happy, do.

In my opinion, I agree that children should be integrated but not at the expense of others.

Answer 2

Tricky situation ... i know what you mean though i wouldn`t want my child to start acting up .. it is purely for attention , he isn`t copying the autistic child as such he just notices that this child gets attention when he makes these noises . Every child will do whatever it takes to get attention and in this case this seems to work for the autistic child why not him ? It has nothing to do with the autism ... nurseries have a range of kids displaying different behaviours and the loudest child will obviously be catered for first attention-wise . You may well move your child to a different nursery and what if the child from hell attends that one displaying rowdy behaviour and he comes home copying that child ..you just need to try and talk to him and explain that the autistic child needs axtra help as he is special etc or however you feel you should explain to him . He is living and growing and copying his surroundings hopefully it will pass , even if you have a word with his carers at nursery ..
Good Luck

Answer 3

I work at an institute where we try as much as possible to integrate normal and special education children. Some of then display the same problems that you mention.
What we usually get are parents worried that their child will do what the particular Special Ed child in their class is doing.
It is very rare to see a child mimicking this "bad" social behaviour for any length of time.
If you are rewarding your child by giving the unhealthy behaviour undue attention then it probably will continue and escalate.
As you son is obviously extremely intelligent he will pick up on anything that gives him rewards, be they happy or unhappy rewards, very quickly. That suggests that he should be very easy to divert to a different behaviour path.
At nearly three years old, it may be that he is also being influenced by other insecurities in his life and finds security in copying this child.
Don't worry he will soon be past it and on to the next annoying trait that only childhood can produce. The problem is you may never know what has brought on the next one!

Answer 4

Well, my child is autistic, but I have a younger child who isn't autistic, and I know exactly what you're going through!! Learned behavior is NOT fun, is it? Now, I homeschool, am totally against integration for this and many many other reasons. But, since you will obviously be putting your child in school, let me ask you something. If this child in question didn't have autism and was just a brat, you'd have to deal with it, right? Any child that is going to be going through the school system is going to have learn that they cannot copy what they see. I teach my kids the same thing here at home. Yes, you could transfer your child, but how do you know you're not going to end up with a child who simply lacks discipline, or with another autistic child? Are you prepared to keep moving him until you find one that doesn't have an unruly child? I used to work in a daycare with 12 children, and I think that is impossible. You're correct, your child will not understand the 'why's' of this other child, he's too young. But he's NOT too young for you to start correcting at home and teach him what is expected and what is unacceptable. Regardless of what is influencing him, you can still teach him how to behave. I agree this is very frustrating when your child wasn't acting like this before. But, also, your child is the right age for some behavior issues anyways, so you don't really know that this wasn't around the corner for you anyway. When the terrible two's hit, they're unmerciful!! So, please don't overreact just because this child has autism, but use it as a learning experience for you and your child. This is only the beginning of your experiences in the school system, and the sooner you introduce your child to other kids, the sooner you have to deal with these issues. At least this little one doesn't live with you, isn't your child. It is much harder for my youngest son, because his influence is his brother, and I have to constantly figure out how to be fair between the two knowing that one doesn't have complete control over his actions. Sometimes I feel like it's not fair to Josh that he isn't allowed to do some of the things that Tim is,but he doesn't have the same problems. It's like expecting one child who can't walk to run and keep up with the one that can, know what I mean? Anyway, I feel for you and hope you find an answer that works for you.

Answer 5

I Used to work in a specialist college and yes, integration is one thing but the more severe cases of the autistic spectrum need specialist support from the earliest opportunity, something which at the moment the governement does very little to support. The college I used to work for is now struggling to exist on donations. I had to leave because of the low rate of pay in this area. Young children will imitate behaviour if it is seen as acceptable. Those without experience will be wary of being to disciplinarian with autistic children because they see them as having an excuse when this is in actual fact exactly what they need. Autistic children benefit from having clearly defined boundaries and consenquences, strict timetables etc. I would suggest to your nursery that they get a specialist who has worked with autistic children before to at least train the staff there, and that they make sure they demonstrate to the other children that this is not exceptable behaviour.

Answer 6

i went to school with an autistic child and i have 2 admit, i did copy him at 1st cuz i dnt understand that he couldn't help what he was doind and i suld kno better than 2 arovate him. u say he goes in the afternoons, prehaps u could change him to mornings?
if not u could try explaining to him that the boy can't help doind this and that he really suldn't copy kno it'll be super hard as hes only 2. i tried explaining to my friends 2 yr old that she suldn't bite ppl (she got bitten @ nursey) but in the end my friend had 2 pull her out as she got a bit too into it. if all else fails then u may just have to pull him out n send him 2 a different nursey. u'll have to also ignore these parents of children with these problems when they say 'its ur disaplyn thats the problem not my child' when its really not. u cant help the fact that every 2 yr old copies what it sees. he's seeing the attention this boy gets and wanting it 4 himself as he's the new kid n ur boy dnt understand y if he cries every1 runs to him. its super confuddling.
either way i hope it all works out 4 u in the end.

Answer 7

Firstly I would suggest discussing the situation with one of the staff members there. Your son would be easily influenced by anyone at his age however this autistic child will be more fascinating to your son and more fun to mimic.
Before taking any drastic actions address this problem with staff maybe get your son to work with this autistic child in role play to see how the autistic child reacts in different situations.
We have two autistic children in my nursery and have found it quite influential on the other children to learn about disabilities, obviously depending on the severty of the autistism it could be difficult to teach the other children about it.
Perhaps you could look at it from another angle by speaking to your son and say to help this autistic child by showing them how to behave. Children always cooperate if they feel they have an important job to do. Your son may be young but you could turn it into something fun for him to do, and if all else fails and he is copying this behaviour at home try to ignore him the novelty of this will soon stop.

Staff members should be helping you in this situation, try and see if your son is interacting with any other children and maybe if anyone else is copying the autistic child. Maybe there is not enough attention to go round at his nursery and the only reason your son is doing this is to be noticed, the staff should sort out a one to one with this autistic child.
Hope this helped try not to worry I see things like this everyday!!!

Answer 8

Pull him out, find a different nursery. 2 is very young for that much nursey and he has to be happy. I also am aware that children need integration but also that children with special needs require more assistance than others and your son is too young to reconcile this. He just sees this child screaming and getting instant attention. For 250 a month you should definately be getting what you and your son need and want.

Answer 9

I would talk to the director of the care center. However, something to think about. At that age, kids copy or mimmick other kids. It might not be just because the other child is autistic. Kids pick up all sorts of things when in school from others. I would just keep on your child, and let them know what is right/wrong behavior.

Answer 10

Your child is always going to come into contact with people behaving in a fashion you disagree with.
Now is the time to set standards for your child.
Gently and firmly reaffirm your behaviour standards. Reward good behaviour. Do not give in to this copied behaviour as you will give in for the rest of your life.You are the parent don't be afraid. Discuss with the nursery your concerns.